Jan 30 - I screwed up !

I SMSed
30-01-05 10:25pm Sun
Peck Lin said thanks.
How's yr sore throat ?

He called
30-01-05 10:31:01pm Sun
My ex asked what I was doing. I said I was lying on bed listening to song. (I was crying because of U !!) I asked how abt him, he was with his bro..went to dinner...could hear he was in the car and guy's voice in the background.
He asked how was the farewell lunch. Told him only 5 ppl including LX. Then he said he bumped into Ronnie at Gurney while he was with Jethro...he mentioned he went there to make glasses. Glasses ? I thought he went to make one with SL the day before ? Sunglasses is it ? He kept answering "Bak kia", and I thought he din hear, so I repeated.."Or bak kia?", he replied same thing "Bak kia". This went on for abt 4 - 5 times. I got frustrated. I asked "Why ?"
He said "Just dun wanna answer u, bak kia ma bak kia la". Then I said "ok la, boh mi kia liao, bye".

I called
30-01-05 10:35:05pm Sun
I still beh shiok, I called him again."Do u think I am intruding yr life? I dun understand...it was just a simple question".
He said I was asking too much.
I told him he was being oversensitive and I got frustrated when he was like wanna tell abit then dun wanna tell...if dun wanna tell, say so or dun start at all.
I asked "Is it because u think that I wanna...***sob sob***...oh, never mind...nothing liao". I hung up coz he did not say anything except "hah....hah..."
Ya la...i know got someone beside him, and he cannot talk esp to protect his ego.

Tears started rolling...felt the same pain I did half year ago. PL was SMS-ing me earlier...she asked if I wanna have tea. She too was sad coz her family nagging her abt being jobless for months. I called her telling her I dun feel like going out. She asked what happened, then I poured to her my pain...apala...i was supposed to console her, now we have to console each other. After some ten minutes talking to her...my tap started flowing again...i just feel the need to cry.
Washed my face, l laid on the bed...still not giving up, I decided to SMS him.

I SMSed
30-01-05 11:15pm Sun
I din know u wud
think i intrude yr
life. I m plain
stupid to still think
u care or might
come back. No
matter wat i do,
it's useless right?
Sorry...i..Sigh!

I continue to stare into darkness...waiting...if he would call/SMS...seconds...minutes...phone rang...
LX called. Asked what I was doing. I was trying hard not to sniff when I told him I was already in bed. Luckily talk awhile only coz I think I can't breathe liao. He didn't know I cried...i dun want him to know that I miss my ex.
I couldn't sleep...angry..frustrated...sad...mixed feelings. Woke up few times...checked my hp...nothing. I guess I really screwed the whole thing. Only can pray to God for help now.