Jan 28 – Gloomy mood

I called
28-01-05 7:07:22pm Fri
Back home from work and dinner with LX, I lazed on my bed for a while. I wonder where else my ex plans to go besides the optometrist. No la, I dun wanna just get new glasses just b’coz I wanna see my ex. If nowhere else, boh pien lo, cannot follow.
No answer from my ex. Maybe still in office busy working.

He called
28-01-05 7:10:23pm Fri
Before I managed to collect any sort of feelings, my ex returned my call. He said not sure, might go for badminton, might not…Shuen Ling might have to meet other customers (he’s insurance agent) after that. So, he said I better not follow.

I SMSed
28-01-05 7:15pm Fri
Forgot to ask u, going
for the farewell lunch on Sun?

He called
28-01-05 07:17:06pm Fri
He asked me what time and where. He said he got badminton morning till noon (as if I dun remember). He would’ve to finish earlier and rush down for the buffet at Northam.
I asked if he’s going pubbing tomorrow, he said most likely, waiting for his bro’s friends to confirm. They invited him to join their company’s dinner…so not sure which pub they are going. Supposedly Cheok asked him to join them at Chill Out tonite but he got something to do, so cannot join. I asked what…he said “got something la”. Ok lo, he doesn’t want me to know. I hate it when he tries to cover…like so secretive. Let u know abit then dun wanna let u know ! Arrggh ~!!

I was gloomy after this call. I was like ‘beng’ and asked myself why I let him ‘torture’ me like this…it’s time to let go…what …let go ? No no…be patient…maybe he thought I am prying into his ‘single’ life…ok ok…I have to be careful and play the game right. U can say I have strong intransigent attitude, even my friends persuaded me to give up, but I still won’t. I am taking the risk…I’ve fallen before, so if I fall again, it doesn’t matter, I’ve prepared some cushions this time. :P
Then I told myself, I will not call him until he calls me !! And so…I continue stare into space…

LX SMSed
28-01-05 7:23:39 Fri
Today is my
happiest day for
the past two weeks

Oops…did I do anything wrong to give my Latest eX false hope? I called him…could sense he tried to sound steady and cool…like he never sent that SMS. Ok…we talked for short while…actually nothing to talk also. I guess it was my fault, I ‘rubbed’ my hand over his grassy short hair in the car earlier…it was too tempting…I have to admit, I do miss him, a little. When I see LX, his sad face, I went soft… u know, it’s like those eyes u see in the cats/dogs…saying “please…love me…please…dun ignore me…”
He asked me to accompany him to buy new shoes for his new job after this Sun’s farewell lunch for him. I told him…see how first…depending on my stomach…aching ma (AV). Then he said never mind…ok…kesian pula, I said should be ok la….i guess no choice since he’ll be fetching me. Moreover I guess I should be following his car down as the rest of the gang thought we are still together. I don’t mind if they dunno we’ve broken off, I am more concern LX dunno how to face them if they know. But, Shirin might be going, I hope that bitch watch her mouth.

After shower, I went downstairs to read newspapers…dad asked if I wanted bacon later, I said no. I dunno la…AV ma…stomachache, apa mood pun tak da. When AV/TYM, u get confused over the stomachache, whether it’s the need to empty yr bowels… hungry…or it’s just that bloody wall collapsing and feels like someone scraping the walls with knife !! Maybe altogether…

I decided to call it a day by 10.30pm…initially wanted to update my blog but was not in the mood to do anything else. I resort to listening to my Korean song on the MP3 player while I tried to sleep.