Jan 26 – I called his best friend

It must be my hormone…I dunno, I’ve been very emotional these few days. After dinner with LX (yes, I asked if he wanted to have dinner with me – already more than a week didn’t see ma), I was home watching TV till 7pm. Went up to my room, called my ex’s best friend Shuen Ling…coz I know they might be meeting tonite. I had wanted to call him long time ago, right after I broke off with my ex but was afraid he would tell my ex. But now I am desperate to know…if my ex tell him anything abt me. SL listened to me, he even taught me how to play the game right. He said my ex didn’t tell him much, last update was sometime in Sept or Oct…and he said so far my ex didn’t mention abt other girls. I told SL abt me n my ex going out often lately. He said that’s a good sign. He said it’s a wonderful thing that I love my ex so much…he agreed to let me know if he knows anything….no matter good or bad. I asked him to help me pray, he said he will. I am really thankful for his kindness.
He said we are both like servants, my ex is the King…while his gf is the Queen, he said who knows, maybe one day he might need my opinion. I cried when telling him abt my feelings for my ex. We talked for almost an hour. Then I cried all out to myself before shower. I sent a SMS to my ex.

I SMSed
26-01-05 8:10pm Wed
Do u evr wondr y ppl rem’br bad things so well
but forget abt good memories? It’s sad th we forego all
good things we had b4 n keep look’g at unintended mistake

I dunno if he treat is as a forwarded message or what. I also send this SMS to SL. And a separate SMS to SL to thank him for listening and telling I appreciate his kindness. He replied “no probs. Ask God for guidance. He is our Lord. He knows what’s best for u. Ask for listening anytime. :-D glad u feel better.

After shower, 8.30pm liao, shit, I forgot about my American Idol at 8pm. After that, I watched second half of ‘Beautiful Boxer’. Nice true story of a transvestite who earns and save enough as kick boxer for his family and gender operation. At least I managed to forget my sadness for few hours. Dad fried me a pepper sausage with hotdog buns. He asked me if I am with my ex now (did his gf tell him or it was that day he saw us?) and how about LX. I told him I broke off with LX, he thought LX dumped me, but I said it was my decision. He said “Then, how, if u are back with yr ex, u better tell him…on the differences, his mom…his religion, he is a guy without guts…” I said we are not even back together…he said…yeah, but if he wants to patch things…then I said wait till that happens, I will know what to do…(I am WAITING !!).

10.40pm, here I am in my room, typing this, while my tears rolling down my cheeks, I dun think I can ever let go…it’s too hard…I dunno why I can’t let go…I am too sad to type anymore…hopefully will feel better tomorrow. I know I am not the only feeling this hurt…I know LX is also going thru this pain. I feel sorry for him too…really sorry. May God comfort him, console him, may he find his true love and success.

11.15pm - Dun worry, I am better liao. Busy reading others' blog, hehehe...oh, LX is online also, exchange a few lines...nothing much. Tata.