Doggie for Adoption - Penang

Anyone interested ? FOC, male...owner too busy to take care of the dog.
The dog is around 1 year old.

Doggie

Jan 30 - I screwed up !

I SMSed
30-01-05 10:25pm Sun
Peck Lin said thanks.
How's yr sore throat ?

He called
30-01-05 10:31:01pm Sun
My ex asked what I was doing. I said I was lying on bed listening to song. (I was crying because of U !!) I asked how abt him, he was with his bro..went to dinner...could hear he was in the car and guy's voice in the background.
He asked how was the farewell lunch. Told him only 5 ppl including LX. Then he said he bumped into Ronnie at Gurney while he was with Jethro...he mentioned he went there to make glasses. Glasses ? I thought he went to make one with SL the day before ? Sunglasses is it ? He kept answering "Bak kia", and I thought he din hear, so I repeated.."Or bak kia?", he replied same thing "Bak kia". This went on for abt 4 - 5 times. I got frustrated. I asked "Why ?"
He said "Just dun wanna answer u, bak kia ma bak kia la". Then I said "ok la, boh mi kia liao, bye".

I called
30-01-05 10:35:05pm Sun
I still beh shiok, I called him again."Do u think I am intruding yr life? I dun understand...it was just a simple question".
He said I was asking too much.
I told him he was being oversensitive and I got frustrated when he was like wanna tell abit then dun wanna tell...if dun wanna tell, say so or dun start at all.
I asked "Is it because u think that I wanna...***sob sob***...oh, never mind...nothing liao". I hung up coz he did not say anything except "hah....hah..."
Ya la...i know got someone beside him, and he cannot talk esp to protect his ego.

Tears started rolling...felt the same pain I did half year ago. PL was SMS-ing me earlier...she asked if I wanna have tea. She too was sad coz her family nagging her abt being jobless for months. I called her telling her I dun feel like going out. She asked what happened, then I poured to her my pain...apala...i was supposed to console her, now we have to console each other. After some ten minutes talking to her...my tap started flowing again...i just feel the need to cry.
Washed my face, l laid on the bed...still not giving up, I decided to SMS him.

I SMSed
30-01-05 11:15pm Sun
I din know u wud
think i intrude yr
life. I m plain
stupid to still think
u care or might
come back. No
matter wat i do,
it's useless right?
Sorry...i..Sigh!

I continue to stare into darkness...waiting...if he would call/SMS...seconds...minutes...phone rang...
LX called. Asked what I was doing. I was trying hard not to sniff when I told him I was already in bed. Luckily talk awhile only coz I think I can't breathe liao. He didn't know I cried...i dun want him to know that I miss my ex.
I couldn't sleep...angry..frustrated...sad...mixed feelings. Woke up few times...checked my hp...nothing. I guess I really screwed the whole thing. Only can pray to God for help now.

Jan 30 – Farewell Lunch for LX

8am, stomachache…I took blood cleanser pill before I slept, I think must be the alcohol being washed out. Went back to sleep before my alarm goes off at 10.30am. Sleepily, I showered…LX called me, said fetching me at 11.30am for his farewell buffet lunch.

On the way down, I SMS my ex to go if he can coz not many turning up. Reached there 12 noon, saw Eric on hp checking who else coming or not. While LX and Eric went to take food, I received SMS from my ex stating he got sorethroat, no point going. I called him, telling him that there will only be 5 ppl (including Zana & Chee Wei). He said he will SMS LX to inform him. Well, what happened to the rest ? 1 attending wedding, 2 kereta rosak, 1 sorethroat, 1 working, 1 MIA…what a farewell. Oh, and that bitch called LX...she hung up on him coz TL wor. She said she was not informed abt the lunch. Hello ?? Didn't she read the mail ? Saja cari pasal.

Food was so-so…I was full by third round…hey, only small portion la. Maybe old liao, cannot eat much. I skipped desert, ice cream and coffee ! Yes, I had teh tarik instead of coffee but wished I had the coffee instead coz the tea was too sweet.

I was quite bored sitting there till 2.30pm coz their topics on AP2 work and collegues. Went home after that coz LX said he will buy his stuff tomorrow. Good for me, I need to rest…but I did not…had an hour of ironing till my shoulder nak patah ! Ya la…almost 2 weeks clothes accumulated ma. After that, I washed my pillow cases, showered…hungry liao…energy and calories burned. Luckily dad called and tah pao Swatow Lane’s Indian mee for me. Was writing this half way when he came back and asked me to eat while still hot. Yum yum…super spick. And now I am too full…read yesterday’s newspapers, sleepy…came back to my room to continue my blog…wa…8.40pm liao. My ex did not call me…so no movies lo. Nvm, I will tried not to call him…until he calls me…until I buey ta han !! Yan yan yan ~~ !!
Ok, shall online now to post this long winded story and kepo at other blogs. I like visiting this other blog : http://kstang.blogspot.com
There are many other Malaysia links there. Go kepo kepo la. :)

Jan 29 – Pubbing again

As soon as I was online to post my blog, a few of my colleagues greeted me on MSN, including Yen Nee and LX. I got disconnected so many times…tmnet only ma…no point using streamyx coz dad also not everytime online. But Chia Li told me she also got disconnected using streamyx. Rani got my hp num thru Chia Li. Rani wants to go pubbing also. From the way she talk, I could sense she wanted to get even coz last nite her husband went pubbing and was home late. I told her I was still waiting for my friends to confirm.

LX asked if I wanna have lunch with him…macam mana ni? Dad already made me hot dog…ok, hot dog keep for dinner. We went to Sunshine KFC (use the voucher I got from colleague). Browse around clothes department, he went to search for his shoes/slacks…but did not get anything. I was just about to start my shopping when I saw him standing next to me. Apala…how to buy like that ? I did manage to buy one black top (for pubbing ;) ), got discount, RM 30++ nya. Nowadays cannot afford to buy expensive stuff. Kena think thank thunk first. Hehehe. Oh, managed to get my compass at Young Ones…two actually, one in English and another in Chinese. I dun read Chinese but can refer to the Feng Shui book more accurately ma. :P

LX fetched me to bank to withdraw $. Need to give to dad for monthly allowance. Went home, dad was still in changing water for his 6..7..8 aquariums (dunno, lost count). I told him to eat one of my 2 hot dogs as I will be going out later. I lepak in my room.
Around 5.30pm, I SMS my ex to let me know which pub they are going once they confirm. He did not reply…maybe sleeping.

7pm, Rani called, anxious…asked if confirm going. Well, told her still no reply from my friend. I called my ex…asked him for the status… he asked if I received his SMS reply…I said no…I think he got confused. He said cannot confirm, but most likely going to Glo. He will call me once confirmed. I told him my colleague (Rani) wants to follow and her reason…he asked why dun I tell her I cancel the plan. Ok, so I SMS her…lied (God, pls forgive me) to her that my friend sick, so not going. I dunno la, I takut ler…later her husband come and scold me for influencing her, susah lo.

Called Peck Lin, she said around 9.30pm she will fetch me. After hung up, received SMS from her…she asked who sick ? Ooops !! I sent that SMS to her instead of Rani. Sudah mimpi !! I quickly resent to Rani and called PL back. Hehehe….she said changed earlier, 8.45pm. I ate my dinner…showered and spent some 20 minutes putting ICI on my eyes, face, neck…including earrings and hair. PL came 9.15pm, she said had dinner liao earlier. So went straight…but too early as my ex called and informed they are still eating dinner at CRC. Ok, so both PL and I lepak at Gloria Jeans…we talked abt our EXs.

Gavin called, he said he will be going SS instead. Ok, nvm lo, no fate. Was talking abt LX and my ex when suddenly I jumped at the sight of my ex. He came to find us. Oops, I hope he did not overhear anything. Intro PL and my ex to each other…then my ex excused himself to the gents. PL said now she knows why I cannot let go of him. Comparing to LX, my ex looks better and has nice manners.
LX called me…asked where I was, I said was having coffee with friend. He asked me to call him when I am home, but I said it will be very late..he said nvm then. Some 10 mins later, we went in to Glo coz the rest of the gang arrived.

There were about 20 ppl or more including my ex’s bro. PL and I hang around the counter while the rest stood by joined tables. I did not dance much as PL dun dance…so I accompanied her. At one time, a Chinese middle-aged man almost fought with an Ang Mo…PL and I were like btwn them…takutnya…luckily nothing happened coz Chinese guy’s friend stopped him. Reason : Ang Mo accidentally stepped on that Chinese guy’s foot. Apala…so Tu Kao…kena pijak pun nak cari gaduh.

Party went on…saw the same fat girl who kept eyeing on my ex last time I went…perli him to ask her to dance. Hehe. PL was trying to patch things for me, she kept asking my ex and I to dance together. My ex ensure that we glasses were not empty that nite. He opened a bottle of Hennessey (RM 350) coz the other 4 bottles of Chivas tak cukup. I guess his expenses must be quite high lately.

Gavin SMSed/called me. He just arrived and too full to dance yet. We met outside coz SS is just stone throw distance. He said I looked pretty, hahaha…coz he never saw me dressed like that with make-up. Talked awhile before I went back in. PL told me she helped me to observe, said no worries, my ex didn’t go near any ladies.

PL’s friend, a girl who works there was surprised that I am Chinese when she introduced us. She thought I am Serani. Ok, maybe that explains why no Chinese guy comes near. She is so slim and good dancer…can’t believe when PL told me she is a mom already.
By 2.30am, we left…my ex dropped PL to take her car nearby. Police check but did not stop us... he said luckily fetching me. My ex drank quite a lot.

Reached home 3am…showered, SMS PL to check if she was safe at home liao. She replied thanking me and my ex. And she said now she knows why I am so deeply in love with him. He is a great guy. Yup, I know…that’s why lo…

I did not call LX, dun wanna be like reporting to him and give him any false hope. Couldn’t sleep, maybe b’cos of alcohol. Fell asleep around 4am kua.

Jan 29 – Another prayer answered

He called
29-01-05 12:02:06am Sat
I dunno when I fell asleep…jumped at the familiar ring tone. My subconscious mind excited but I still could not decide whether it was a dream until I heard his voice…asking if I am asleep…he thought if not yet, wanna go supper. I asked where he was…office or home, he said home. I told him I was on the bed but I am hungry also. He asked “chun oh (sure)?” I said ya la…I had early dinner at 6pm. He said he’ll be coming over between 10 – 20 mins time.
Yes yes yes !! Thank you LORD !! I know YOU listened to my plead, YOU are always here for me. Hallelujah !!

Went to Kayu. He had rice, me just roti canai (one piece nya ok, my sis asked if I get fatter as judging from my blog, she said I ate a lot – supper with ex)…hot milo, coughing ma. We talked a lot…finished drink…then he asked if I wanna order second cup of drink. (Oh ? He likes my company ? Dun wanna leave yet wor…even though he has to wake up early coz he’s to meet Shuen Ling at 11am). Ok, we ordered Nescafe…talked somemore…
I was supposed to be very happy…but I guess I can’t fully enjoy the joy, maybe b’coz another part of me says…dun be too hopeful ! 1.50pm, we left the place. He said will let me know once confirm which pub…he can send me home…but if go, I might go with Peck Lin coz PL SMSed me earlier if I am going.

Dad was on the internet downloading pictures which my sis sent earlier on Ryan’s b’day. Showered, prayers…then sleep by 3am.

10am, Sako called, she said cannot come to clean Ah Ma’s room. She fell outside her bathroom yesterday noon…not serious but she said better not carry any heavy stuff. I told her not to worry and to call me if anything. I decided not to sleep and here I am updating my blog.

12noon, dad woke up, said he’s frying sausages…ok, I will eat later. I dun usually have breakfast on weekends. Lunch also…not necessary…wait till hungry first. But dinner is a must any day ! Can’t sleep on empty stomach :P

Jan 28 – Gloomy mood

I called
28-01-05 7:07:22pm Fri
Back home from work and dinner with LX, I lazed on my bed for a while. I wonder where else my ex plans to go besides the optometrist. No la, I dun wanna just get new glasses just b’coz I wanna see my ex. If nowhere else, boh pien lo, cannot follow.
No answer from my ex. Maybe still in office busy working.

He called
28-01-05 7:10:23pm Fri
Before I managed to collect any sort of feelings, my ex returned my call. He said not sure, might go for badminton, might not…Shuen Ling might have to meet other customers (he’s insurance agent) after that. So, he said I better not follow.

I SMSed
28-01-05 7:15pm Fri
Forgot to ask u, going
for the farewell lunch on Sun?

He called
28-01-05 07:17:06pm Fri
He asked me what time and where. He said he got badminton morning till noon (as if I dun remember). He would’ve to finish earlier and rush down for the buffet at Northam.
I asked if he’s going pubbing tomorrow, he said most likely, waiting for his bro’s friends to confirm. They invited him to join their company’s dinner…so not sure which pub they are going. Supposedly Cheok asked him to join them at Chill Out tonite but he got something to do, so cannot join. I asked what…he said “got something la”. Ok lo, he doesn’t want me to know. I hate it when he tries to cover…like so secretive. Let u know abit then dun wanna let u know ! Arrggh ~!!

I was gloomy after this call. I was like ‘beng’ and asked myself why I let him ‘torture’ me like this…it’s time to let go…what …let go ? No no…be patient…maybe he thought I am prying into his ‘single’ life…ok ok…I have to be careful and play the game right. U can say I have strong intransigent attitude, even my friends persuaded me to give up, but I still won’t. I am taking the risk…I’ve fallen before, so if I fall again, it doesn’t matter, I’ve prepared some cushions this time. :P
Then I told myself, I will not call him until he calls me !! And so…I continue stare into space…

LX SMSed
28-01-05 7:23:39 Fri
Today is my
happiest day for
the past two weeks

Oops…did I do anything wrong to give my Latest eX false hope? I called him…could sense he tried to sound steady and cool…like he never sent that SMS. Ok…we talked for short while…actually nothing to talk also. I guess it was my fault, I ‘rubbed’ my hand over his grassy short hair in the car earlier…it was too tempting…I have to admit, I do miss him, a little. When I see LX, his sad face, I went soft… u know, it’s like those eyes u see in the cats/dogs…saying “please…love me…please…dun ignore me…”
He asked me to accompany him to buy new shoes for his new job after this Sun’s farewell lunch for him. I told him…see how first…depending on my stomach…aching ma (AV). Then he said never mind…ok…kesian pula, I said should be ok la….i guess no choice since he’ll be fetching me. Moreover I guess I should be following his car down as the rest of the gang thought we are still together. I don’t mind if they dunno we’ve broken off, I am more concern LX dunno how to face them if they know. But, Shirin might be going, I hope that bitch watch her mouth.

After shower, I went downstairs to read newspapers…dad asked if I wanted bacon later, I said no. I dunno la…AV ma…stomachache, apa mood pun tak da. When AV/TYM, u get confused over the stomachache, whether it’s the need to empty yr bowels… hungry…or it’s just that bloody wall collapsing and feels like someone scraping the walls with knife !! Maybe altogether…

I decided to call it a day by 10.30pm…initially wanted to update my blog but was not in the mood to do anything else. I resort to listening to my Korean song on the MP3 player while I tried to sleep.

Jan 27 - 2 days liao din see him

I called
27-01-05 11:36:19pm Thurs
I cannot bear not hearing his voice, so I called my ex. He was driving back home from badminton. He had supper with his friends. Yesterday...he ate at home (so he did not go out with Shuen Ling). I told him my bro suggested to buy second hand Wira...my ex dun really like the idea as he himself spent alot on maintenance for his own...but he said whatever I choose, I should feel comfortable as I'll be the driver.
I asked him if he's going pubbing on Fri or Sat. He said most likely Sat nite as Fri, he will have dinner with Cheok...he asked if I wanna join...i said see how lo. Then he went on saying Sat, he's going to make new glasses...with Shuen Ling...he asked if I wanna go ? Huh ? I told him I dun need to change glasses... then if I go....er...do what ? I wanted to ask more...like if they are going for movies or anything after that...if got, then I dun mind joining la...but didn't manage to ask as he said he did not has his hand-free kit on....maybe call me later. We talked for 5 mins.

So, I went downstairs to make a cup of milo with cereal...hungry liao ma...just now went out with Yen Nee and later Chris joined us. I did not eat coz that time I was still full with nasi kandar dad bought for me. We had good time talking till 10.30pm...although YN and I had to bear listening to SMARTS-related story...SMARTS (tool used in Dell for sales to quote, etc).

After my prayer, I tried to sleep...but still would like to know if my ex is going anywhere else on Sat...so I called him at 1:19:21am. Oops, I woke him up...he asked me if there's anything, I said nothing...thought u said wanted to call back, never mind. Hmmm...then I went back to bed...feeling what a fool I am to expect again...sigh ~!

PS : My lesbian best pal told me she wants to turn straight...she has failed with girls...so she thought over and want to try loving guy....she said at least with guy, she won't have to give so much. I wasn't really happy with what she said (I mean I should) as I feel she is lost... I told her, only if this is really what she wants...just be herself and feel comfortable no matter what she chooses. She is very unpredictable lately. Last week she said wanna sell her car and stop her course...after a good scolding...then she said she will not do that. Hmm...I just hope I can help her.

** Happy Birthday RYAN **

25th Jan - Ryan, my nephew turns 1 year old.He's so cute, look a lot like my sis (the mom of coz).

Here's some pictures...

No no...I am not sharing my chicken.


Emmm...yummy...this chicken is soooo tasty...but I am still not sharing.


Dun u envy my birthday cake ?

Jan 26 – I called his best friend

It must be my hormone…I dunno, I’ve been very emotional these few days. After dinner with LX (yes, I asked if he wanted to have dinner with me – already more than a week didn’t see ma), I was home watching TV till 7pm. Went up to my room, called my ex’s best friend Shuen Ling…coz I know they might be meeting tonite. I had wanted to call him long time ago, right after I broke off with my ex but was afraid he would tell my ex. But now I am desperate to know…if my ex tell him anything abt me. SL listened to me, he even taught me how to play the game right. He said my ex didn’t tell him much, last update was sometime in Sept or Oct…and he said so far my ex didn’t mention abt other girls. I told SL abt me n my ex going out often lately. He said that’s a good sign. He said it’s a wonderful thing that I love my ex so much…he agreed to let me know if he knows anything….no matter good or bad. I asked him to help me pray, he said he will. I am really thankful for his kindness.
He said we are both like servants, my ex is the King…while his gf is the Queen, he said who knows, maybe one day he might need my opinion. I cried when telling him abt my feelings for my ex. We talked for almost an hour. Then I cried all out to myself before shower. I sent a SMS to my ex.

I SMSed
26-01-05 8:10pm Wed
Do u evr wondr y ppl rem’br bad things so well
but forget abt good memories? It’s sad th we forego all
good things we had b4 n keep look’g at unintended mistake

I dunno if he treat is as a forwarded message or what. I also send this SMS to SL. And a separate SMS to SL to thank him for listening and telling I appreciate his kindness. He replied “no probs. Ask God for guidance. He is our Lord. He knows what’s best for u. Ask for listening anytime. :-D glad u feel better.

After shower, 8.30pm liao, shit, I forgot about my American Idol at 8pm. After that, I watched second half of ‘Beautiful Boxer’. Nice true story of a transvestite who earns and save enough as kick boxer for his family and gender operation. At least I managed to forget my sadness for few hours. Dad fried me a pepper sausage with hotdog buns. He asked me if I am with my ex now (did his gf tell him or it was that day he saw us?) and how about LX. I told him I broke off with LX, he thought LX dumped me, but I said it was my decision. He said “Then, how, if u are back with yr ex, u better tell him…on the differences, his mom…his religion, he is a guy without guts…” I said we are not even back together…he said…yeah, but if he wants to patch things…then I said wait till that happens, I will know what to do…(I am WAITING !!).

10.40pm, here I am in my room, typing this, while my tears rolling down my cheeks, I dun think I can ever let go…it’s too hard…I dunno why I can’t let go…I am too sad to type anymore…hopefully will feel better tomorrow. I know I am not the only feeling this hurt…I know LX is also going thru this pain. I feel sorry for him too…really sorry. May God comfort him, console him, may he find his true love and success.

11.15pm - Dun worry, I am better liao. Busy reading others' blog, hehehe...oh, LX is online also, exchange a few lines...nothing much. Tata.

Jan 26 - Toot toot #$@$@#$ !!

What the F**K !!
I just came back from another boss - Tony. He told me one contract girl leaving, last day Monday. I will have to take over from her and also help her mentor - Joanne.
That would mean I am helping - Yoot Wah, Chin Keow, Joanne and also doing the shitty clean up requested by big boss !! I told him I am still learning and trying to finish my cleanup...he said I have to learn to manage my time.... FUCK man !!

I need to change job ASAP !!!

Jan 26 - Terribly miss him

I called
26-01-05 12.16am Wed
Still went to his voice message. I was a bit emotional...I desperately want him back.
I continue to post my blog and was browsing other ppl's blog, hp still in my left hand when suddenly I jumped !

He called
26-01-05 12:25:50am Wed
He returned a call as he received my SMS earlier, he did not know I tried calling him. He said he just finished talking to his new boss Ah Yam.
He asked me what happended about Shirin...LX. I told him, I said I am not sure if I am just plain angry with her or jealous...my ex concluded for me that I was more of angry with that bitch ! After she knew about my break off, she somemore wanna kesi-kesi said I am lucky la, got LX la...bla bla bla...what a f**k-up bitch !

My ex tried to calm me. He asked how is the status of my car...told him I called my bro earlier and asked him to look for me ASAP. He asked if I am worried about having short of cash in hand after I buy car...he offered help "U can let me know or borrow from me if needed". Wow...is he just being helpful ? I dun want help...I want him !!
I also mentioned that I told my dad's gf abt my break-off with LX and that she asked if I am with him (ex) now, I said I wish so...(hoping he would get the hint). He then said "Go find some things to do, set out plans or goals". I said " I did, I just told u about my future plans...my car, new job, business if possible...but these are different things...feelings...u can't just shove it aside and let it heal by itself ". He was lost for words for a while...I kept quiet....he asked if I was ok...I tried so hard not to say "I love u still, please come back". In the end, he said he belum mandi, so need to shower...we talked for 20 mins and 30 seconds !

Oh...when I asked if he has had dinner, he said yes, with his colleagues, he asked if I was waiting for him, I said no la...if I hungry, I would find some things to eat as I know his dinner time not regular. He then said next day also busy, will eat with friend....friend ?? Then he said Shuen Ling....duh !! I said as if I dunno Shuen Ling...if I know one...no need to say friend ( i know he is trying not to 'report' to me). Do u think he's telling me ahead so that I would not expect and be disappointed ? How thoughtful....hmmm....

I tried calling my sis after that but her line was engaged....tried a few times till 1.30am, still enganged, guess she must be talking to my dad's gf.
I think I fell asleep around 2am.

Male vs Female - Something I observed...

We have a break area where u can have yr coffee break or meals there with free coffee/tea/sugar/coffee mate/water.
The only drawback is there are no chairs...only counter-like tables...so u have to stand...but nice view...esp. if you are facing the sea..can see Pulau Jerjak.

I was taking some hot water when I overhead two guys (my colleagues) talking...emm...how boring...talking about extraction tools they work on.
Isn't it funny that guys dun gossip or talk about anything else except work-related issues.
But we girls...our range of topics....hahaha....
so far...we've covered guys, love, sex, scandals, trips, movies, etc !!
Conclusion : we girls know how to release our tension or relax...right ?

Jan 25 – Happy Thaipusam, Sad me…

Woke up by Yoon Khum’s call around 10am, she came over to pay me $ owed for presents I paid for her first. She looked ‘chioh’ with her stylish sunglasses. I continued my journey on the bed till almost 1pm when Sako called. She came over to clear Ah Ma’s room. I didn’t help much except to carry the bags out to throw…wasn’t feeling well, went to toilet 2 times. Thanks to the colon cleanser pill…constipation gone but…duh !
Too much to clear, by 3pm, Sako said she will continue another day. I helped her to carry her stuff to her car. Showed her pictures of my sis and nephew on my pc. Shared with her some details of her Dog sign for this year. By 4pm, I was alone again…went through some document and notes related to work for 1.5 hour, felt like reading for exam :P

Sien…5.45pm, on TV and read Sunday’s newspapers which I missed out. Dad called to ask if I want dinner…ok. 7.30pm, me damn miss my ex, went up in the room, ready to cry…but postponed…went for shower first. Then was writing my blog when date asked me to eat my dinner first. He was back late, jam due to Thaipusam. Bought me something like hokkien char, already ‘phong’ and I had hard time finishing it, but managed to push everything in ! Read today’s paper …went up to my room.

10pm – continue with my blog. Called my brother just now to ask about my car. By 11pm, I couldn’t stand it, I miss my ex too much, I called him but went to his voice message. Then I sent him SMS :

Finally, he admit 2 tell’g Shirin th we broke off, no wonder she kept say’g nonsense last week. He also help her 2 do her pc. I m just disappointed how he handles her.

Actually, I found out last nite from LX that he was installing/repairing ( dunno la ) Shirin’s pc. He took from her house last week ! I asked if she knew yet, he said yes…coz he broke into tears in front of her…well, spare me the details !! I told him no wonder she was like ‘perli-ing’ me when she called last Friday, saying I have LX, I was lucky, can date and see LX everyday ! I told him I don’t like her ! She really gets on my nerve !

Ok, back to now, right after I sms my ex, my dad’s gf in Canada called. Told her I am back to single and recently going out often with my ex. She said she will pray for me too, that if my ex if the right one, pray to God to touch him and let him reveal his love for me (knowing his ego).

I tried calling my ex, and still goes to voice message, that would be an hour since I tried. Perhaps he’s got issue call from his agent again. Hopefully it’s not a new girl.

Ok, I better go downstairs soon to call my sis…it’s my nephew’s birthday. Same day with Siew Siew.

Jan 24 - Monday Blues

Morning…I dragged going to work. Reached early as there was no jam, guess a lot of factory workers on leave. I still do not know how to do my work...so I pakai hentam. Had lunch with Mei Shya as her lunch mate was away. She asked about me and LX, so I told her things didn’t work out. She asked if I am with my ex now (I wish !!). I told her I still love my ex very much, told her to help pray for me.

She asked if wanna go out with Siew Siew at nite, Baskin Robbin…I didn’t feel like going, coughing and it’s last minute to arrange, dun think my ex or Yoon Khum wanna go out, perhaps wait till Slong is back in Feb.

LX reached home early and at about 5.30pm, he MSNed me if he can fetch me home from work, at the same time, dad called and asked if wanna pack anything for my dinner…I was like...er…no need…er…ok. So, I lied to LX that my dad was on the way to fetch me and already ‘tah pao’ for me.

When LX asked if he could fetch me home, I asked him “Today?”. He said “Yeah, in fact everyday if can”. I asked if he was sure, he replied that it was better than he have to miss me. I went on saying that I don’t wanna give him false hope. He was quiet for awhile, then he replied “Forget about it”. Duh…I thought he wanna be my ‘driver’…but of coz I dun think it’s a good idea at all.

Back home, I showered and have my big pack of economy rice in front of TV. 8.30pm, dad went out to have dinner with Uncle Benny, his ex-boss. Good, I can be alone. I went upstairs, stomachache…constipation ma. After that, I wanted to update my blog but too lazy, so instead, I unwrapped my Feng Shui book by Peter So. Interesting, some better luck for Dragon this year, esp. for those who are not fixed income earner. This is probably the best time for me to try something… I am kind of sick of office work…it’s just not me, sitting there doing routine job. I need to out there, talking, moving around, something flexbile…ok, let’s see what my bro has to offer (calling him…25-01-05 10.30pm). He said around RM 2 – 3k. I said I thought like RM 5k ! He said RM 2k…walau eh, the RM 2k was what he owed me last time from the quick rich scheme…so, RM 1k is the interest, final – RM 3k! I have to pluck in the figure in my excel file later in office.

I also read about Snake’s luck for the Rooster year coz my ex is one year younger than I. Found some months we have similarities, esp in relationships, we won’t be finding new love for those singles. In his 5th month, it says it’s a month of temporary relationship and he might have sex with someone he’s known for a while !! WHO ?? !! Negative : Who the hell is she ?! Positive : Me!! Me !! Me !! Yes !! It also says the chance of making it into long term relationship is slim… Kill me please !! I quickly flipped back to dragon – 5th month, and here is what’s written : The date you met last month seems very compatible with u and u have a good time with him. Just sit back and enjoy.
Hmm…how can I enjoy if it’s not my ex ?? And for his sign, it says the following month, the relationship didn’t work and he stop keeping in touch, so…it’s not me !! :(
As for mine, the next month says I will be busy and less in touch. Perhaps little similarity ? I almost go crazy thinking about this…I know I am a bit extreme into Feng Shui now…but I can’t help it. I love him too much…sometimes I think…do I really love him so much or I just led myself into believing it ? Sigh ~~ !!

Dad called to see if I wanted supper, I said no, hoping that my ex would call me.

I called
24-01-05 10:28:35pm Mon
I called my ex…I miss him. He was outside, driving. He said on the way to eat. I asked who with, he said alone, in fact was just parking at the famous economy bee hoon near my house. I said “Hor, u go so near to eat, din call me”. He said “huh, everytime also ask u meh?”. Then he said ok, coming over now. So, like the speed of lightning, I changed and combed my hair. He was already in front waiting. I SMSed dad that I was out for supper. Ooops !! Notty me.

He ordered for me, add egg for me although I said no need. Saw my dad bought bread and kuih. I guess he must be surprised seeing me with my ex…but it should solved his puzzle why I’ve been staying home after work and asking him to fetch me back from work.

When eating, I told my ex about what I read, esp the 5th month. He asked why my sudden keen interest in Feng Shui. I just shrugged and smiled (it because of YOU!!). I then said it has been 5 months since we broke off, he agreed saying it’s coming to half year. I asked if he has had sex with any other girls…he said no…he asked…how…just go anywhere? I said, well…maybe to the girl’s place, hotel, car…he scolded me…he said he’s not that cincai and stupid…need to watch his reputation…and he’s fine with masturbating ! Yeah !! He’s still clean :)

Later he asked what time I usually have my dinner, I said quite early, around 6pm, so usually digested. Half way eating, LX called and asked if I was already sleeping. Told him I was outside having supper. He said ok and hung up. My ex said I should at least accompany LX once a while…but I am afraid to give him wrong expectation. He then joked that “ya lo, like me, I told u upfront, so u won’t have any expectations”. My heart went sour…but I put up a smile anyway.
He also talked about going to China to work for maybe 2 years to earn more money, faster. I listened half-heartedly…and ‘supported’ him. Went back home 11.50pm.

I called LX after my shower. He asked why other ppl managed to date me but he always failed ? Er…I told him his timing was wrong…if he wants, he can ask before 4pm so that I can inform my dad. Talked for awhile coz he has to work next day. I slept late, around 3.30am.

Something to share

I am so pek cik with my work...taking a small break...and feel like sharing this :


Well.....here is something to link the 5 'C's to
the newer 5 'B's......!!!
>I don't need a CAR, but I want a BMW .
>I don't need a CONDO, but I want a BUNGALOW.
>I don't need you to have CASH but I want you
to own a BANK .
>I don't need you to have a CAREER but I want
you to be a BOSS .

>It's interesting...most of you would have heard of
the Singapore 5 'C's :
> Car, Condo, Credit Card(Gold), Cash and Career <

>Heard of the 5 'B's ?
B - BMW ; B - Body ; B - Brain ;
B - Billionaire ; B - Bungalow .

>And, in addition with the 5 'K's ..........
Kiasu (scared of losing)
Kiasee (scared of dying)
Kiabor (scared of wife)
Kiaboh (scared of having nothing)
Kiacheng-hu (scared of government)

>We've been reading about the 5 'C's and 5'K's for
Singaporeans, now comes the 5 Numerals and
Malaysia's equivalent...... : >>
>Singapore's "practice" for Simple Living :
1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three-Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary
>Malaysia's Malays 'practice' to Simple Living :
5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels
1 - One-Storey Link House

Well...? If you think about it, it's true- ain't it?

Jan 23 - I am confused...what does he want?

LX called
23-01-05 12:24am Sun
LX called, asked if I want to have supper, told him I was sleeping.


I SMSed
23-01-05 2.30am Sun
My alarm went off, I SMS my ex :
So, how’s the place, happening boh ?

I did not get any reply, I woke up around 4am, still no reply…sad sad !!

9am, stomachache, took colon cleanser last nite, so had to go toilet. He did not SMS me back. I was quite sad…thinking how he spoilt my beautiful memory…I mean yesterday morning and noon till dinner…almost perfect ! I won’t call him, will see how long it takes for him to call or sms me. By 2.30pm, I was quite upset...then Peck Lin called. We talked for half hour before she suggested to come out. Ok lo…one hour later lo. She was late, and she was also fetching her bro and his bro’s new friend. They wanna go town. So, we went to Prangin Mall…went to Starbucks, saw his bro and friend also there. Had a good time talking to PL.
We went around, then had dinner at 5th floor food court, talked to Ah Lean Ee. She was very busy. Pity her, she had some burn scar of her face, finger, chest and arm, she said was in rush and kena the hot oil. She was working alone, have to fry noodles, pisang/ubi goring, cut fruits, cut vege, etc. She will be off only 2 days for CNY. Later around 8.30pm, we went to pick up PL’s bro & friends at SOHO. Her bro’s wife was upset, could hear his bro arguing and trying to calm his wife. They are not together now and she is suspecting he’s wife a girl. So he had to pass his hp to the guy friend to convince the wife. PL sent me home after that.

He called.
23-01-05 9:35:46pm Sun
I was wondering if I should call my ex. I really cannot stand not knowing what happened last nite. But, he called me, before my shower. He asked if I wanted to eat, he said he ate only a bak chang an hour earlier. I said ok lo (shit I was still full that time). Told him I have to shower, so he said will pick me twenty mins later, but it was 35 mins later.

Went to Jelutong, on the way down, talked abt his pubbing…he said joined his bro’s friends and customers…said luckily I did not go coz he didn’t know most of them, and those he knew, brought along gf. Told him I dun mind but he said ppl will think he didn’t take care and leave me alone there…I said he thought as me as burden, which he admitted. Feeling angry, I said never mind, I know liao, next time he won’t ask me and I would appreciate that he dun let me know if he’s not inviting me.

We had Char Koay Kak, our favourite too, he had koay teow th’ng as well. We still talk, did not stay long as he was sweating. Told him I went out with Peck Lin earlier. I think feeling abit guilty, he said I can ask Peck Lin to bring me if I wanna go pubbing and maybe join them only when there.
Reach home by 11:10pm. I showered and called LX. Talked awhile. He asked if I was busy earlier coz I did not call or reply his SMS (I miss you..very very much). I asked what he expected me to reply. Then I told him I was out with PL. Didn’t talk long coz I said I wanna online maybe, so here I am writing this and it’s 1am liao, shit better stop. Gotta wake up early for work.

Ei...saw my sis Online on MSN, talked awhile, hehehe. She said got addicted to my blog updates, like chasing Chinese drama series...hahaha !! Pai seh !

Jan 22 - Hair cut date with ex, Happy until...

I called
22-01-05 9:30am Sat
I called my ex after my shower, I woke up at 8.55am, excited and not feeling sleepy at all (although I slept at around 4am – reading other ppl’s blog after I posted mine :P ). No answer…well, never mind, I laid back on my bed thinking either he’s still asleep or in toilet.

He called
22-0105 9:52am Sat
He called back, asked if I am ready. He will be coming over in about ten minutes’ time.
He reached 10:04am coz he ‘missed call’ me, I was on the way down from my room.

We reached the hair studio near Pulau Tikus, opposite of Lancia car dealer. He couldn’t remember which floor, we went searching from floor to floor but no hair studio. I said maybe it’s not opened yet or closed down, so he called Shuen Ling (coz it was SL who introduced him the place) but SL did not answer phone. Since he had paid for an hour’s parking, we walked to shop nearby coffee shop (further, passed the market) for breakfast, had char koay teow.
Then he suggested we go to Plus Zone supermarket to pass time (hey, I was thinking about that too). On the way, Sako called me said she wanted to take the CDs which I burnt for her earlier, so I told her to take from my room as I dunno what time I would be back. Within 5 minutes after we stepped into the supermarket, he was on his hp, it was SL, he said the hair studio opens at 11am, and it was 10:55am, so we walked back.

We were the first customers. Good service, RM 28.00 for mine and RM 26.00 for his, inclusive of hair wash, then cut, then rinse again…I quite like mine, had the back thinned and sides layered. The studio looks cool and comfy. And there’s lots of customers right after us. Chic Hair Studio, worth a try.

After hair cut, my ex asked if I can still eat, I said maybe. But I needed a favour from him. He was ok to fetch me to Gurney as I wanted to take the earrings and choker which I left at Coffee Bean last week. He went to fill up gas. The supervisor, Azlina whom I spoke to was not in yet, so I asked the guys to pass her a bracelet, which I made, for her kindness. I called my ex telling him I was ready, he was surprised so fast, he came back 10 minutes later. Oh, I was surprised it took him so long to ask me who called me earlier. I told him my aunt, Sako. Hmm…I thought to myself, what made him ask, jealous ? Curious ? It must took him a lot of consideration before asking him, knowing his ego.

We then went to have our favourite Hokkien mee opposite HQ Police Station. The lady still remembers that I want extra chilli ! I couldn’t finish all though, but he did. It was already 2.30pm by the time make a move back. He said too tired, will not go for his badminton at 3pm. I was smiling to myself, happy that he ‘sacrifice’ badminton to have haircut and lunch with me…maybe I just put false hope but I still enjoy it :P

Went home, showered, still not sleepy, so I took out my beads, made a bracelet which I am satisfied…got hungrier by the time I almost finished…checked the time, 5.20pm. I went downstairs, sms my ex.

I SMSed
22-01-05 5:43pm Sat
Hungry now after finish making my beaded bracelet, going to eat biscuits, teng !

He SMSed
22-01-05 5:48:25pm Sat
Me stil in bed. Not
bath yet. Aiya can
ask ur friend to eat
ma.. I think I wil
eat later la

I replied to him, never mind, can diet ma.
Feeling too hungry as my food digested when I made the bracelet, I cooked instant noodle and had four pieces of biscuits plus a nice cup of Nescafe :)
Watched Astro till around almost 7.30pm, dad came back, I went upstairs, lepak in my room.

He SMSed
22-01-05 9:34:47pm Sat
I was about to call him when I received this SMS:
Going to eat at d
back of ur house
now

I called him back immediately, he asked if I wanted to eat ? He perli me, thought I wanted to on diet. He said, wanna go, walk lo since so near…celaka ! Of course he fetched me, we had duck rice (famous Air Itam) at the food court near my house. I had ‘bee ko moey’ as well, and he had extra small bowl rice and later a ban chien kuey. Wow, he can really eat. We didn’t talk much, he was busy watching the live football on the screen and sms for betting. Then started drizzling, went home within an hour from the time he fetched me at 9:53pm.

Back home…I called LX to see how he was. He sounded ok. I thought so, but later found out that he had a friend over, he was burning some CDs for that guy who also asked him to help PC and also hub from my ex’s bro. He asked if I want to have supper with him, I said no coz I was sleepy liao.

I called
22-01-05 11:12:37pm Sat
I called my ex immediately after I hung up talking to LX. I told him I know who LX bought the hub for. He said me notty, LX didn’t call me but I called LX. I said I know how hurt he is…so I just called to check if he was ok ma. My ex then told me that later he would be going to SS. He didn’t ask me. I was disappointed, but I said to him instead “Enjoy yourself and dun drink too much, drive carefully”

I SMSed
22-01-05 11:43pm Sat
He asked if I want to have supper, think I should go?
Are u going alone ?

He SMSed
22-01-05 11:49:20pm Sat
Aiya.. a supper
cannot hurt la..

Hmm…he ignored my second question !!

I SMSed
22-01-05 11:53pm Sat
I think better not la. Reached liao ? Actually I wanna go also but din ask coz I know u hiam wa ting tey.

He SMSed
22-01-05 11:56:16pm Sat
Not there yet. Can
oo with ur friend
ma.

I replied back that “No one wanna go. Sien nya, take care la”
I then made my prayers…I prayed to God that my ex be safe and protected…and he will not do anything that can ‘upset’ me. I wished he hadn’t told me he was going pubbing, but yet I still wanna know. Feeling sad, I set my alarm at 2:30 am. Went to bed.

Jan 21 - I date my ex for dinner

11:30am, Chris called, wanna have lunch with me. Told him I need to shower first and check if YN is joining, supposed to go Prangin Mall with her later. Allan SMS me asked me for favour to log into his hotmail and fwd a mail from someone coz Dell’s firewall blocked hotmail website.

Had Japanese food at Soba Yoshi (Krystal Point)…halfway thru lunch, saw Albert, Alvin & Carmen came in. I SMSed YN earlier to see if she still wanna go shopping since she found her dress at Chowrasta market in the morning. She called me saying no need liao, she was ‘pai seh’ that I might be bored at home, but I actually enjoy being home alone. Went home, lepak around, watch CDs…had a facial mask after a nice shower…while listen to songs…now this is life !!

Almost 6.00pm, went downstairs to watch TV, feeling abit hungry, I had a cup of Milo with Cereal, some biscuits. I SMSed my ex “Later what time u have dinner, wanna eat together ? If u already have plans, it’s ok”.

5 mins later at 6:06pm, he replied :
“Now stil in office. Maybe around 8 lo.. Should be ok. After that, I need to be back to office”.

So I replied to him “Ok, u call me before coming”

He called
21-01-05 07:23:52pm Fri
My ex called from his home, said coming over now. I changed into my new jeans pairing with one of my new top bought earlier, wore before once. He asked what I wanted to eat when I got into the car, I said anything is fine as long as can fill my stomach. Drove thru the food court near my house, but he said, wanna have economy rice at Shuang Sing (opposite USM) at Sg. Dua…so went there but again, he was indecisive, made a turn back…we end up dining at Brew Station nearby. It’s a nice place, some sort like “Perks” in the show Friends. In there got a pool table, at a corner, there’s a platform with some sofas and table for relaxing. There’s two TVs, microphones (I think maybe got live band at later hours).

We had set dinner – Oven Roasted Chicken in Teriyaki Sauce (RM 23 per set) which came with

mushroom soup & bun
appetizer – sour shredded carrot and ‘sengkuang’, turkey (I think), pepperoni and a leaf of purple cabbage
main meal – a piece of drumstick, mash potato, boiled & salted siew pak choi, little tomato, mushrooms in some sauce.
Dessert - a scoop of chocolate ice cream
Coffee – damn big cup of black coffee.

It was quite relaxing and enjoying. Told him Shirin called me during lunch to ask if she can pass the money she owes me for Jean’s father’s white gold to LX. I told her to bank in for me once she has her PBB internet banking. She kept mentioning LX’s name, me lucky, everyday dating…dunno if she knows something and finding out or just purely still jealous abt me and LX. My ex was quite fired up whenever I mentioned Shirin’s name. He said, what the hell she wants this time…why she cannot give me the $ at my house instead ? I also not sure…perhaps she didn’t know my house ? Whatever la…I dun bother…she makes me sick. I just dun like her probing me and nosy abt my life. Really bitch. Just hope that LX is not silly enough to let her use him again. But I can’t stop him if he wants to.

Ok, back to my ex, he won’t let me pay him back. I kept the receipt, he thought I wanted to pay him later, but actually I wanted to keep as memory, I did not tell him of coz ! After drop me back home, he said he will go back to work. Tomorrow morning, he’s fetching me around 9.30am to go town for haircut, then he said lunch after that. Wow…sounds like date huh ?
Oh…and he also said maybe we can watch National treasure with Shuen Ling this week or next.

I realized now he waits till I finished locking the gate before he drove off…unlike last time, he drove off once I stepped behind the gate. Maybe I am just oversensitive but what the heck, I just enjoy whatever good things come. Every day I thank God and Jesus for all he has given me, for all the blessings he gave me, my family & relatives, my friends, and everyone else esp those who r in need of help most. Hallelujah !! I hope I can wake up early tomorrow. Have set alarm to wake up at 9am and now almost 2am. Can’t wait till tomolo.

Jan 20 - Shopping

He SMSed
20-01-05 11:31:58pm Thursday
Ok lo.. But the
package we select
is not worth. Not
much to eat and
expensive.. Rm 138

He replied about 5 mins later to my sms, I asked “how is the food at The Flame?” He went there for Rudy’s (TS Server Manager) farewell. The Flame is a steamboat restaurant, newly opened sometime last week by Mark Cheng, the famous HK actor. I replied back “How many ppl?” but he did not reply back wor…maybe he busy…

I ate one piece of KFC (original flavour as my dad like that, but I prefer spicy !) which dad left for me…he had to finish the other two pieces. I dun wanna eat too much, earlier had Dave’s Deli with Yen Nee. She fetched me to BJC after work at around 6.30pm. After dinner, went to Reject Shop, I got myself a pair of low cut jeans at ankle length for RM 39.90. YN bought the same, she was the one who showed me. Good buy, we love the pattern and it’s comfy to wear. Then, YN went to Cosmart for her clothes hunt while I went to 1st floor and managed to get myself 2 black tops for only RM 54.25 - for pubbing or dinner ;)

Got home at 10pm…showered, then watched American Idol (repeat).

I called LX at 1:20am, why call him ? Well, I dun want him to feel that I totally do not care or ignore him. He said he just reached home from playing badminton. Talked for short while, then lied to him I sleepy liao.

He called
21-01-05 01:32:48am Fri
Unexpectedly, my ex called. First thing he said “Not yet sleep ?” I said no coz next day no work (Public Holiday – Raya Qurban). He said just now he was on the phone, got call from agent on issue, so couldn’t reply to me. We talked awhile (8mins 23 seconds). He told me he hasn’t bathed…then I asked him better go shower and sleep earlier, talk next time. I didn’t sleep till around 3.30am, watched some CDs.

Jan 20 - LX is very hurt

LX wrote me an email at around 6am :

why I get punish for the mistake I made the 1st time... u didn't give me chance to improve or change!!
it just 1 week and the attitude from u toward me had change... its really hurts seeing someone I love suddenly ignore me in such a short period of time... I donno what happen, I'm still bler bler, all this things happen so fast, and I'm not ready to take it... I know u gotta plan for your future, me too. I'm no younger than u, I'm planing for my future too... but sometimes bad things keeps on happen around me makes me depressed. I thought I got someone beside me to encourage me to go through this, but now it all back to square 1 again...sorry for telling all these non-sense thing to u... I can't sleep, keeps on waking up every 2 hour...I miss you, really really miss you...
Love you

-------------
My reply to him:

I am not punishing you, i know u cannot think right...in fact u will simply think. I've been thru this, that was why I was contemplating whether to tell u or not earlier. I truly understand yr feelings. I feel very sorry to have to do this. But I do not want to lie to u and me.
It's not 1 week...all these things happended from beginning...little little some things accumulated over time. I did let u know few times I wanted a cool off period but either u did not take it seriously or u won't let me have the time to think things over at my side.
Hate me if u must or feel better...I just want to have some time for myself now. I dun want to be with you and at the same time my heart is not fully with u...I am sure you know how difficult it is, for u as well...u might say it's ok at first, but soon...we will argue again, trust is not there...
I hope u will take this opportunity to do well in yr new job or self development. U are a smart person, u have the skills and knowledge, it's just that u didn't have the chance to excel it. It's for yr own benefit. Dun think too much...love is not everything. I used to think I cannot live without love, I've changed...I have different priorities now. I dun mean to hurt you, seriously...I thought we would work things out, but I realise I want to focus on my own future first. I want to be single at this moment, I want to try achieve my dreams.
Hope u can understand. U will still have my support...we are still friends. I wish u all the best. Let's leave this to destiny ok.

Take care.

Jan 19 - Improvement

LX SMSed
19-0-05 8:40pm Wed
Later can i see u, i miss u very much...
we eat supper, ok

I replied "ok, call u later". I was watching American Idol, yesterday 1st show, entertaining. Finished at 10pm, I went upstairs, toilet, then called him. Asked what time he had dinner, he said 9pm, so I said no need la since he also not hungry. He said ok, but could sense his disappointment. Then I burnt some CDs for Sako (third aunt), he called back...said he miss me. Just wanted to hear my voice. Said he 'boh kam muan' I dun give him chance. Talked (actually din really talk, was quiet most of the time), then he finally hang up after said goodnite.

He called
19-01-05 11:16:54pm Wed
Just apprx. 10 seconds after LX hung up, my ex called me. He asked if I have taken dinner or wanna go 'lim teh'. He already had dinner, just wanna go out for drinks. Wow, improvement (I thought to myself)...and furthermore, I did not SMS or call him earlier. But I did email him in office telling him that LX said wanna return me $.
Told him I was writing CD for my aunt, he said he would wait if arrive early, but I had to wait instead. Dad was surprised I am going out to makan, he said just now I had big pack of rice, then eat again ? Hehehe....actually digested liao ma.
Went to Khaleel Nasi Kandar near USM, I had maggi mee goreng, he - fried ice-cream. We talked awhile, then he got call, he walked away and talked for almost 15 minutes. I was abit unhappy, wondering who he was talking to... I watched the big screen, they had the pirated VCD on Tsunami clips. When he returned, he apologised. He said it's call from his Tech Support agent...( hehee, me smiling inside :P ).
He asked me curiously if LX has any chance, he asked " Are u sure LX dun have any chance liao ? "
I told him I do not think so, at least at this moment, I dun wanna think about it, LX is very possessive. He made me frustrated many times...when I went out with my friends, LX was not happy and went out with Shirin instead to get even...I don't like that. Damage done....well...it will take some time or a lot of effort from LX. ( Moreover I still cannot let go of my ex...but I cannot say that to him ).
I told him I did ask a few of my girl colleagues if they wanna go pubbing, one very pretty but vegetarian, she said her bf must be same...another pretty also, stays in Air Itam, no transport but cannot go back too late...he said my kang tao really problem...hehehe. He said maybe Thurs nite (eve of Raya Qurban), Ah Kwan (his bro's friends) might be going to pub again but he himself cannot, coz working on Pub. Holiday. He said if I want, I can join them...walau eh, I said I dun dare la...not very close to them.

Went home almost 1am, showered, transfer some files from my memory key to pc...went to bed already 2am ++. Hiya....sleep late again lo.

Jan 19 - Build rapport

Make more friends, esp. with those who are helpful, then u r already helping yourself.

Morning morning, saw 2 mails from my big boss...this time, me kena put on table to solve another cleanup issue. But luckily I am not the only one, Soo Fong and Toh Way also in the team. I think big boss wants me to learn. I took the opportunity to ask Soo Fong teach me on my file with the 8k + items. She is very helpful...she must be God sent angel...thank you thank you Lord !

Jan 18 - The reasons revealed

I reached home already 10.30pm. The wedding dinner ok...Boon Ee looks pretty in her yellow gown. Chee Woei (her husband) and her sang Jacky Cheung's song. She has this nice green floral design which sparkles on her back till her upper arm.

Gavin and I sat with a bunch of aunties and uncles...later Soon Lay Tat (Finance - Taiwan) came with gf-to-be as the girl said they are not couple. She looks nice, matching la. The food, I find it a bit too salty though.

Saw Choo Sing, Oy Fui, Brandon and Elyss, Pui Geik, Ewe Jin, Vivien, Bee Hoon & William and of course Sue who never miss out any 'makan' function. They sat together. Music was loud as the speaker was quite near, we had to 'shout' when talking...got ppl came in to sell Chinese newspapers, loud cheers and 'yum seng' occasionally heard...beers....hmmm....these are what I would like to avoid if it's my own wedding. No alcohol, my family/relatives should be ok, but not sure abt my future other half. But I knew LX cannot...the other day when we attended his friend's weddings, we sort of talked abt how ours would be, when I mentioned the above, he said cannot, if no alcohol, might as well no need to have the dinner....duh ~~!!
But anyway, this is not an issue anymore.


I called
18-01-05 11:06:40pm
After my shower, called my ex. He was outside eating, he asked if I have taken my dinner. I said already. Waa...he sounded like a bit guilty did not ask me. I did not ask who he was with.
Told him later I had to call LX to discuss abt our relationship.

I called
19-01-05 12:24:17am
After 1 hour and 12 mins talking to LX, sometimes anger, sometimes frustration got into me...I called my ex to blurt out to him. He listened but say he has no comments...told him I just need an ear. He belum mandi, told me he went out with his bro. for dinner. Then we talked abt maybe going to pub this weekend. He was reluctant for me to follow him, scared ppl think we are back together. Asked me to get some girl friends...but told him my colleagues dun have transport...he asked, pretty or not, if pretty, he can fetch...duh ~~!! Never mind, if he wants, he will ask me along, let's see...not gonna pester him.

So, what happended to LX and me ? I told LX all my concerns, he was sad. He kept comparing and brought out my past with my ex. I told him it was different. He asked if can still work things out, last time he also work things out with his ex...again, wanna compare....sigh ~~!! Told him I prefer to be single for now, dun wanna think about this too much, wanna be free and able to go anywhere I like with anyone and not having to report to him all the time. He said he was a little angry with me...just like I was angry with my ex when we broke off (walau eh, why he kept touching on my past with my ex?!). I got pissed off ! I think I was a little harsh when I talked to him.
I told him we couldn't trust each other, he kept checking my SMS, call logs, diary...He said he read my diary is b'coz girls always complain their bf not concern or jealous...but I said I never complain, but then he said his ex does, I told him, I am not her...but he argued that I complained my ex when he was not concern, I said, it was different...my relationship with my ex was very deep. I know that must hurt him even more, but I was really angry that he kept mentioning abt my ex.

In the end, LX said, we shall remain friends.

Jan 18 - I wanna be a Hawker !

Aiyo so pek cik today, just an hour before lunch, my big boss asked me to go over his cube. Drew some chart/process flow...talking in technical terms, then ask me to filter excel file with 8602 items !! I dunno the logic leh...memang penat ! Have to keep asking my colleagues, luckily she is nice and helpful but she also busy ma.

I wanna go sell laksa, chicken, whatsover la...anyone interested ? Hard work but fast money, somemore no need to crack my brains with those alien numbers !! I cannot deal with numbers...I would rather write an essay with 10,000 words ! I pray to God to let me get the job I apply in Dell...yep, going back to Hell if the offer is better...my target now is $$ !

Am waiting for Gavin to fetch me to Boon Ee's wedding...almost 7pm, still not yet ready. He got urgent shipment to rush...never mind, hopefully dun need to make grand entrance.

Ok, shall do some surfing or clear my junk mails, lately no time to see leh. Honeymoon period over.
Looking forward to this Friday ! Hari Raya Qurban !! I wanna sleep till late, yahoo!! But wait...I promised Yen Nee to go out with her....hmm....nvm, sleep later on Sat...but wait...I think I promised Kean Eng to go out....then Sunday lo...but but only one day nya. Sleep again next Tues !! Yes, that's life for now.

Jan 17 - LX wants to know WHY !

LX MSNed me
17-01-05 8.45am
tell me the truth... is it I occupied too much of your time??

I didn't let u have enough time to do ur personal thing??

LX MSNed me in the morning but I was too busy to reply him, I told him I will talk abt this later...however I was busy...after work, I bathed and had the economy rice my dad bought for me, read newspapers and then called Shireen (my school mate/best pal/band mate). Didn't see her for almost 12 yrs ! LX asked if I wanted to accompany him for dinner after his shift, I couldn't...went out with Shireen and Peck Lin. We went to Greenlane McD, chatted for 3 hours plus, reached home 1am.

Oh, guess what ? God has been real kind to me. My ex called me at 10:57pm when I was still chatting with my friends. He asked if I wanted to have dinner/supper. Told him I was outside, he said he will tah pao home to eat. Hehehehe....I called him at 1:06am to talk. He hasn't sleep yet, told him what LX did/wrote, then also told him my bro said he might sponsor me a little for my car...but I wonder if it's 4 digit, if so....hopefully starts with 5xxx !! Talked for about 10mins before I bathed and called LX later. He was already sleepy...so did not discuss abt his questions.
Oh, btw, LX mailed me the below but I have yet to reply or talk to him...

Jo,
I didn't know what should I do in order to have u back, I was thinking these few days... did I do anything wrong?? I really miss u very very much... we just started 2 months and u already said u wanna left me, it really hurt me very much... where is all our sweet memory goes, u forgot them all? or u didn't even keep them in your short term memory anymore...
I guess this is what happen when love disappear!! Meng Yeng and Shirin do this thing to me, and now u...

Jan 14 - 16 : LX and EX, hmm....

14th Jan 05 - This is the last time LX fetches me back from work, asked if he wants to watch movie, he said ok. So, we went to BJC...I wanted to watch ..."Meet the Fockers" but only screen at 12 midnight, so maybe "National Treasure" starring Nicolas Cage but he said he already downloaded into his PC. He suggested horror movie "The Doll Master", no way la !! I think Shutter was the last horror movie I watch, no more pls ! I am a bit chicken when it comes to horror movies !!
In the end, no movies, just dinner, Kenny Rogers...Sze Chuan flavour, ok ok la...spicy and sour taste, original flavour still the best la. Went home after that, dad was surprise that I am back early.

I called
14-01-05 10:56:02pm
My ex was in office, working, just reached office he said, talk later wor... I went downstairs to read newspaper and watched Astro or rather Astro watched me.
Not expecting anything and almost ready to go upstairs to rest or sleep maybe...suddenly the familiar "The Entertainer" tone sang again :)

He called
15-01-05 01:23:18am
Went out supper with him at Sungai Dua, malay stall, nearby KFC. Had fried koay teow. Talk awhile...this time he seems supportive of my decision. He said it's mainly LX's fault that cause me to lose my feelings. Went back around 2.30am, by the time I went to bed, it was 3am, but I was still very much awake, I think I finally fell asleep at around 4am. Never mind, tomorrow Saturday.

Saturday morning 9.30a, woke up, stomache, aiya, it's the colon cleanser I took last nite, so had to go empty my bowels...duh !!
Went back to sleep, 10.50am, Gavin SMSed me...asked what I was doing, any function...I replied back "No la...sleeping at home". Then he so notty, SMSed back ask'g sleeping at LX's house ah ? I called him, he asked if wanna go shopping...hmm...actually me very sleepy but it's ok la, long time din accompany him liao, some more he always so nice, so concern abt me. He said he will SMS Chris. Too bad YN has to work, otherwise can go lepak together. But Chris did not join after all.

By 12noon, I was ready downstairs, Gavin called back some 15mins later informing me that he's waiting for doctor, something growth in between his thumb and index finger. Finally at 1pm, he came. Went to Gurney Plaza, sales at Padini, Seed, etc. Bumped into Sales Chia Yin and Sok Peng with their fiance/bf in front of jewellery shops. They din realise I had left Dell for 6 months !!
After lunch at Chopper Board, Gavin & I went browsing, MPH, clothes, clothes and clothes !! I couldn't find anything nice. I bought a pair of earrings and a choker, but guess what ?? I left it at Coffee Bean ler....sigh ~~~!! Never mind la, what a lesson for a forgetful person like me. It didn't cost much, but I really love them ! Gavin told me it's not in his car....boo hoo ~~ !!

LX called me twice that day, once just as I was about to stepped in Gurney, he asked if I had woke up or had my lunch, then he asked who I was with, could hear he was disappointed or expected me to have lunch with him.

Another time was at 4.30pm, he asked if I am still shopping. Then, he asked if I wanna watch "National Treasure", I asked where, he said his house as he had downloaded into his pc, I said, u go ahead watch first la. I know he miss me alot.


I called
15-01-05 06:03:49pm
Called him to see if he's going down, no answer.

Then I called LX to see how he was. Asked if he has taken lunch or dinner, he told me none at all...so I asked if he wanted to hv dinner. He said he's still watching "National Treasure" and will end soon...ok, so I told him to miss-call me when he's coming over. I laid around for awhile, feet tired from all those walking...hehehe.
Then had a quick shower...hmm...try my luck again, call my ex...

I called
15-01-05 6:28:15pm
Again, no answer...hmm...maybe busy...


He called
15-01-05 07;04:01pm
Called me when I was having dinner with LX. He was on the way to fetch Kevin to Malacca. I managed to talk awhile esp. when LX went to order curry fish head. Told him I had to accompany LX since he belum makan lagi...then he said ok la...and goodbye, told him to take care.
After dinner, LX dropped me off. He was very quiet. Dad was really curious I was back early on Sat. nite. He asked me why so early ? As usual, I just smile....hehehehe....

Later I send a 2 SMS to my ex, one to tell him why I went out with LX and another much later, to ask him drive safely.

He SMSed
In kl, having
supper now. After
that wil go melaka

I SMSed
Ok, drive safely or hv good rest if yr turn
to doze. Pls let me know once u reach, ok?
Prayers for u :)

I woke up in the middle of the nite, went to loo, checked my hp, no SMS...hmm...morning....also none. :[

I called
16:01-05 08:52:28pm
I called, no answer. Getting worried abt my ex.
Trying to read the Sunday Star and had the TV on...nothing interesting on Astro. Tired, cleaned my room since 4pm till 7.30pm. I sorted and file my bills, before I swept the floor, wiped my shelves, cleaned my air-cond and mopped the floor. Was so hungry, had to eat a packet of Mamee before I can proceed to wash my clothes and took my shower. Thank goodness dad said wanna fry sausages for me...I am so lucky !!

16-01-05 10:12pm
I SMSed
Hey, pls at least
let me know if u r
on the way or hv
reach Pg. I m
worried...

He called
16-01-05 10:14:39pm
Sleepily he told me he has reached. And he went back to sleep. Ok, at least I know he's back safely. Praise the Lord.

He called
16-01-05 10:59:16pm
This is very unexpected, asked me if I wanna go supper...I said ok but I had to call LX first as he was crying just now. I called back LX, lied to him that my bro came over, will talk abt us later or tomorrow, he sound ok compared to earlier when he called me. He asked if I still have feelings for him and why I changed. I just told him I wanted to have more time for myself, I want to do my own things, make more money (not sure if he gets the hint, but I think not).Then went downstairs, dad was asking, wahh...go out to eat again ? Coz earlier he fried 2 sausages for me which I ate with buns...but I had only 1.5. I just smiled....then went out to play with Ron my dog, while waiting for my ex.
Went round town...dunno where to eat at this hour, finally to a coffee shop with girls singing...lots of ah pek there drinking beer. I wanted to go to ladies when reached there, it was quite dark and I appreciate him waiting for me (though I did not ask him to) ;)

I only had teh ping, he had fried spaghetti and wan tan soup. This time, he sounded even more supportive of my decision, he kept asking if LX did manage to change and become more stable, will I consider back LX ? I said maybe, but preferably not. Then my ex said he would not blame me for my decision to break off, as LX did so many minor minor things to piss me off earlier...like kept comparing me with MY and Shirin, not showing up at work on time, use Shirin to 'kek' me when he thinks I dun spend enough time with him, no determination to work hard, etc....he advised me that I should be direct with LX abt all these including his future not being stable...

Jan 14 - LX will wait for me...

LX SMSed
14-01-05 09:28:49am
I started to miss u
last night n felt
loneliness... I just
hope u will come
back to me soon.

I was busy at work when I felt vibration on my right pocket (Jacket). I was actually hoping my ex SMS me...hmm...LX...he's upset...i gave him a quick call before I went over to Chin Keow's place. Abit busy today, have to back up Yoot Wah as well (emergency leave). I heard noisy background, he told me he was in bank.
Bank at 9.30am?? How abt work ? I asked why he couldn't wait till next Monday when he is on noon shift ? Sigh ~~ !! He couldn't hear me...so I sent him SMS, said talk later.

Later before lunch, LX called me. I asked why he had to go today, he said had to change his PBB ATM card and something to do with his granny's money...Hmm, u know what I think ? I think it's not really urgent and again, he's taking his working hours to do personal things as and when he likes.

Just like yesterday, he said Penang Bridge jammed due to accident, Ronnie sent him SMS at 7.25am. He said he went back to sleep since jam is bad. Then went for breakfast, turned back 2 rounds (still jammed) before finally went to work. Told me Ronnie reached at 8 something, Selina (his ex boss) reached at 9.30am, but him ? Almost 10.30 am !! Walau eh...boss ka? I told him not to be like that in new company. I really dun like it.

Seriously, I hope he does not wait for me...I know he can really sayang me...but how is he gonna take care of me or the family in future ? I realise love alone is not enough. Welcome to the Real World, Joe !!

Jan 13 - Single yet not so single...

I SMSed
13-01-05 09:18pm
Just now I took my few things back from his place.
This time the feeling is different from your place.

He SMSed
13-01-05 10:47:22pm
Hey..If u want
supper, i pick u in
20min.

I SMSed
13-01-05 10:48pm
Ok, c u

This time, it looks like norm for us to go for supper. Went to Taman Pekaka. We had dry koay teow, nice and cheap, only RM 2 got 4 meat/fish balls in the koay teow n another 4 balls in the small soup bowl. I told him I just asked my dad to fetch me next week but I left out the word "Onwards". My ex taught me...he suggested to tell my dad that my LX (Latest eX) changed job and time not 'ngam'. I 'perli' him...sudah pandai create white lies.
He was concern abt how and who else joining him to Cheok's father's funeral in Malacca. Going Sat. nite. Told him to think over coz it will be very tiring if he's driving alone. And where is he gonna stay overnite, most likely he won't be sleeping at all since Cheok will be bz ma. He listened n was then in thought.

We left at 12am. I was quite tired. Showered again, changed my clothes, say my prayers, ready to sleep...not sure if I should still expect LX to call me after his badminton...hmm...I decided to call him to avoid him waking me later...but he was already calling me at the same time. Hah ! So, we talked a while...could feel he was sad...he said he miss me...I could then understand how my ex felt when I said I missed him...so it was rather useless to keep saying I love him or miss him...coz at that time my ex already made up his mind about us. I did not respond but talked something else. I know how hurt LX is but I dun wanna give him more hope. I hope he will understand later. I prayed to God that LX will be able to find his true love and will do well in his career and future.

He will still fetch me from work on Friday, supposed to be last time he fetches me lo. I took my things back. He even helped me...I feel so sorry for him...that was all I felt...I dun wanna think more...if I think deeper, I know I will cry as well. But I guess this is the best for him.

Jan 12 - Another Surprise !! God is so Great !!

He called
12-01-05 11:04:13pm
Guess what ? He called !! Yes yes yes ~~~!! My ex called me. I was still posting my blog when I heard the familiar "The Entertainer" tone coming from my hp which I assigned only to him. He asked me what happended ? He thought I was stuck in my home toilet. Told him what happened. He then asked me if I wanted to join him for dinner. Actually I was hungry even after my Milo+Cereal. So I said Ok also la. He replied "Same la, coming over in 10 mins time".

We went to the same coffee shop in town, after Hotel Agora. I ordered Wan Tan Mee, he ordered Hokkien Loh coz he pai seh if did not 'pong chan' his school mate. Not enuff, he ordered Wan Tan Mee as well. We talked like normal. Told me Ah Cheok's dad passed away and he might be going to KL this Sat nite to pay respect if the funeral is not over yet. I gave him RM 20 for white gold. He said no need but I insisted coz I also know Ah Cheok ma. Asked me to remind him again on Fri just in case he forgot to pass to Cheok.

On the way back, he again asked abt his hair...so worried abt how he looks. I asked him how much he paid (RM 25) and when he's going again coz I thought of trying since not bad. Surprisingly, he said will let me know if he's going this Sat, can follow him (*** smiling***) !! God is with me !! God is GREAT !! Thank you thank you !!

Reached home by 1am...called LX. Slept around 2am. I was awaken by a sound at 5.20am....I thought I was dreaming...then as I was reaching for my bottle water, I heard some sound again (like something runninng swiftly). My first thought was ....snake ?? Nah...I sat up...afraid to put my foot down coz it was dark. I pull my curtain over abit...still not clear...then took my bottle...tried to make some noises...just to scare whatever it was...then I saw my hp on the floor, grabbed it, I use the light as torchlight....nothing....ohh...then I remembered, must be that little long tail with whiskers which I saw few months ago...I finally had the courage to put my foot down and very quickly, switched on the room's light. Looked around for some 5 mins...before I continue my dreams...

Ok, gotta go back to my work / training....

Jan 12 - Read the door sign !

I SMSed him
12-01-05 9:59pm
Just now stucked in toilet…door spoilt :[

Now is 10:05pm, he did not reply my sms…. L. Well, was with Yen Nee, Gavin and my LX (Latest eX) at the food court near my house. Went to toilet, LX followed and waited outside for me. There were 3 sections, I chose the one in the middle b’coz it has the brightest lighting. Unfortunately, I did not see the note on the door “ROSAK” which my LX told me abt it after I came out. I tried to open the door but it was stuck. Tried pulling the small lever until my finger sore, useless...the wood at the top of the door was uneven, which makes the door shut tight. So, I called LX, no one answer, called Yen Nee…as expected, she couldn’t hear her phone, thanks to the loud Chinese New Year songs on the TV, called Gavin, went straight to voice message (he did said his hp low batt just now), what a luck I had ! I called them alternately for few more times, even sent mssg to LX, still no one come to my aid. I saw two men talking outside the carpark from the window…was contemplating if I should call / wave to them for help. Nah…news spread very fast ! So, I decided to wait and kept calling few more times as my sweat started to roll down my forehead…ok, I thought perhaps Chris has reached and may be outside joining YN and Gavin…so I called him, but he was still in office, he said he will come now. I tried calling LX again….luckily this time he heard me and came to my rescue !! 10 mins in there…like a sauna !! I guess next time I will not use any toilet with doors that need to push hard to close AND read read read for any sign !! Gee…I thought it was just some scribbles on the door :{

Oh, btw, LX still treats me the same, but he actually was sending me home after dinner…Gavin called, so end up we met…for dinner (but I had earlier with LX) and also to look at the photos taken few weeks back at BBQ steamboat near LX’s house. Everyone look nice in the pix. Came home around 9.15 pm…bathed, washed my clothes, lepak abit…having my 3 in 1 Milo with Cereal, hungry liao ma. Will try to sleep earlier tonite. Hopefully can la.

Jan 11 - Break Up?!

Yesterday after dinner, went to my bf's place. I was reading the Chinese Horoscope, it mentioned something about Dragon being too busy with career and affecting relationhip. So, I jokingly told him that we should separate now before it's too late. Then, I asked if he will still fetch me if we are no longer together, how abt I hire him ? He said anything I want...that time he was still ok. But I went on telling him I was serious. He then kept quiet and went to sleep (as usual, he sleeps when he's sad/angry).

He fetched me back around 11.30pm, we didn't go for supper. He was quiet, only responded when I call him or talk to him, but didn't talk....it was just "hmmm....yes, no, not angry...."
Well, I can understand his pain...I know how hurt he is but I try not to think. I know he did cry but not in front of me...I kind of appreciate him for not crying in front of me coz I know and maybe he knows I will go soft again...then it will be back to Square 1. I know he is a very good guy, but it's me...I cannot love him completely, not now at least, but I dun wanna lie to him or hold him...told him I do love him. He said he knows.

1am, I haven't changed yet, my beloved sis called from Canada, spoke to my dad, then I talked to her. She wants to try selling fried chicken...which is good. I am happy for her, at least she can do something she likes there. It's gonna be special chicken to the Ah Mos.

I called my bf (not sure if should still call him my bf now), he sounded the same, like before he sent me home. He was sniffing now and then...I guess he cried. I wish him goodnite. Then, I SMSed my ex to tell him abt my break (I know I should not inform, but I just feel I need to).

I SMSed
21-01-05 01:00am
R u asleep?


He SMSed
21-01-05 01:03:16am
Starting to.. y

I called him. He was quite concern how my bf felt...he listened for awhile before I wish him goodnite and wash my clothes. Shit, I sleep late again, around 2.30am !

This morning, I called my bf (maybe later I will call him my LX - Latest eX) to check how he is. He sounded ok. Then I was already busy at my new mentor's (Chin Keow) place.

Jan 10 - He misses me AGAIN ?

He SMSed
10-01-2005 9:59:46pm
I was talking to Peck Lin on the phone when I heard a "toot" indicating a SMS came in. I plucked in my ear set so as I can continue talking to her while retrieving my SMS. Dunno why, during that few seconds, my instinct told me, it should be from my ex. Yes !! It was from him :)
He wrote :
Me going to makan
now. U want to join?

I am not sure if this is because he knows I am home already coz I was so excited about going back straight after dinner ( I made my bf dropped me home right after dinner with him, told him I was tired, really, I was tired and prefer not to lepak at his house - got bored I guess ). So, I called from my home to my ex's office. He picked up after a ring, told him I am so happy...he was curious. Told him abit abt what other ex (the one b4 this ex) said abt my bf always late to work and not showing desire to improve or work hard. Also, my other ex said it was a mistake to start too soon with my bf, and it was a mistake on top on a mistake coz they are all pals!! Duh ~~!!

I called
10-01-05 10:08:34pm
I was so excited, I told Peck Lin, she was understanding enough to let me go. So, I called my ex, trying not to sound excited of coz...asked where he is, he said he just changed into casual clothes and coming out from his house. He asked if I wanna eat, I 'hesitated' for a while (hehehe, have to act a bit ma), then appeared to be thinking...then I said "I ate quite early, ok la". He said coming over within 5 - 10 mins' time.

Cool ! I changed into my new jeans and black singlet top. When I went downstairs, he just arrived.
We went to town, somewhere near Sin Kim Sua ( i think ), ordered Char Hor Fun, he - Wan Tan Mee...both - nice. Was surprised when he left some of his for me and helped me eat mine (yeah, he still share my food !)
Then he was busy SMS-ing and also talking and listening to me most of the time. I asked how come he has so many SMS, he seems to be so bz with his phone. He replied, friends la....then later only he listed out Cheok, Kevin,... then I asked, no girls meh....he said, got la...
Then I joked that he did not SMS me...then he said "Got ah...just now ma si lo". Teng !!
He asked what time I eat usually...told him usually quite early, around 6pm. Then he asked if my bf will ask me for supper later. No la...he usually join his badminton friends. Hmm...I wonder whether he is updating his 'database' so as he can ask me out when he cannot find others....I perli him he only thought of me when he others are busy to join him. But he said "No ah, actually just now Kevin asked me to makan, but I purposely rejected him". Hmm....tell me, tell me....is this a good sign again ? He must've not realised he indirectly told me he prefers to go out with me !! Never mind, it's ok to pull my hopes higher once a while...i know i know, I might fall again...it's ok...let me feel the pleasure for a while la.

We then lepak till 11.30pm before leaving for HSBC. He withdrew money and we proceed to Citibank. I waited in the car. On the way back, he seems to be enjoying his loud rap music. He even offered to lend me the CD. Nah, I said I never liked these songs. Advised him to take care, he has been smoking second hand smoke alot lately since most of his Dell colleagues smoke and since he enjoys going pubbing...he said, so healthy for what ? Hmmm....then I asked, u are the one who told me to take care of my health too ma, then he said, u different ma, u are lady.
By 12.20am, I was back home. I secretly smile that he still waits till I finished locking my gate before he drove off. Oh...no one can understand how much happier I am. Yet, I feel so so bad for my bf...


I called
11-01-05 12:45:50am
Still in happy mood, I was humming a chinese song I remembered watching on Astro but dunno who the singer is and what song title, so I called my ex and hummed to him. But he has no idea...he asked me to hum again...I did but I think I couldn't get the tune right. He then mentioned he hasn't bathed yet coz was talking to his mom...so I wished him Good nite and put on my lotion and laze round till 1.30am. My bf finally called to report he was back from Badminton....I think I doze off at around 2am+ again.

Jan 9 - Waking up to reality

12.30pm, my bf called...lunch time...ok ok, had my shower and called him back, picked me up 10 mins later. We had KFC and then to Sunshine Square...he went to search for his 'corong' to pour his coolant for his car...while I shopped for blouse...later he joined me, I tried some jeans. I wanted to try more but I could see he's bored although he said it's ok. Went to grocery there, bought my toothbruch, cotton pads, Julie loveletters (to treat my colleages, pai seh, last week, they cook nasi lemak and treat me), some crackers.
I think I am over budget a bit since I bought quite alot yesterday. Also, gave Sako RM 300 for CNY ang pow.

By 3.10pm, back at my bf's place. He kacau me, tickling me...actually I feel irritated, told him not to...but he thought it was funny. I almost shouted my ex's name when I wanted to look serious and ask him to stop. OOppss...luckily I did not...but it wasn't the first occasion I had this tendency to call wrong names. Every time I am with my bf, a corner of my mind was playing thru some questions of whether I really love him. And another was telling me he treats me real nice...he gave me kisses on my cheeks, I did not feel anything....is this a bad sign ? So, I grabbed him and had kiss him on the lips...ok, I did feel something...but again...I wasn't sure was I imagining myself kissing my ex or it was just the joy of kissing someone ?? Duh !!! I am so confused...

Oh...yesterday, on the way to fetch his bro's fren, when it was still just me n my ex in the car, we were talking abt my relationship with my bf...i told him that my bf was being unreasonable when I told him I dun wanna use the toothbrush his sis used (only once) coz it's not good. My bf then said, oh...then how abt my 'there', since it's been used before, then u also 'hiam' is it ? I told my ex, actually I got 'hiam' lo. Then my ex asked me whether we have went into that stage in our relationship. I told him no. I could see he was eager to find out but I do not know for what reasons ? Is he considering me again ? I hope so !!
He went on saying, since I am in doubts, better not to go deeper as my bf will be very hurt. I just kept quiet...then we reached BJC...Kwan (his bro's fren stepped in. And the rest of the stories, I've written earlier.

5.30pm liao...ok, better stop la...need to rest and my bf should be back around 6.30pm from his badminton. Ok, shall update more next time....next time...hmm....will I be single...or still in this mess....or back with my ex ? Only God knows...I will seek His help ! God is always merciful and loving ! AMEN !