Ok, continue from previous post. Have to la, not complete for the day yet ma. We had the Nasi Lemak after Meow showered. I think that one packet felt like nothing…it was my second meal of the day, after the breakfast at 8am.
Meow took a short nap while I took out my beads...sorted them. I also modify a necklace with Dzi Bead given by S.Ping into a bracelet. Satisfied…I lie next to Meow who was still asleep…pull his beard until not a single hair visible. Then my mind wandered…dunno how I ended up thinking abt my past…and tears started rolling down onto my pillow. I felt the pain…the hurt…the breakup with my ex. And then I look at Meow, I had this scary thought that Meow might leave me too. Meow woke up…and asked what happened…unable to speak, I just shook my head before I managed to utter “Nothing…not your fault”.
I couldn’t tell him that it has to do with my ex…I mean indirectly. Not that I cannot let go but I still feel the pain, the wound is deep and it is affecting our current relationship with Meow. I kept feeling insecure…that also led to misunderstanding between Meow and I earlier. I was crying on the phone for half hour…we seem to have communication problem lately. But Meow is very patient. I am glad we made up. He sent me a very sweet and touching SMS later…made me smile thru my tears. I guess I was silly after all. Meow said his love for me will never change and will always love me…(conscious mind ask: Can meh ? If wanna change…it will…), but this time, I choose to believe his words…I hope and pray that it’s true…I mean, I am not saying he’s lying but…I hope there will be no obstacles to keep us together.
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