Feb 26 - Hot hot hot !!

It's so damn hot today. Normally I dun sweat. Put me under hot sun, ppl can sweat like hell, but I will only start to sweat some 10 mins later. But I was almost sweating just now...face getting oily when I was having lunch with Meow at the S.Square market. Maybe internal temperature also high la...about time for monthly "AV".

No rain wor...but can see sky dark dark somewhere in Air Itam or town. I went to got more Avon stuff and some beads. Now am at Meow's place. He went to bring his dad's car for alignment adjustment, and now washing car. Can't believe he still has so much energy even when sick.
And here I am, too lazy to move my big butt, some more here got air-cond...wanted to sleep but I am too 'kepo' (nosy), so I decided to read some blogs and edit a little of my template.

Actually, I wanna write about the bitch. I need to let it go off my chest !! Meow told me that
Bitch called him on Friday morning, wanna have breakfast with him. This is impression I had on their conversation :

9am, bitch called.

Bitch : Free ah, wanna have breakfast with me?

Meow : Lu siao boh (U crazy ah?). Now what time liao ?
He usually have breakfast around 7.30 or 8am.

Bitch : Oh...what about lunch ?

Meow : How to have lunch with u? I am now in Ipoh.

Grrr !!! Damn geram...at both of them, more at the bitch. Why ?
Well, when I asked Meow if she knows Meow & I are back together, he said she knows.
What's her problem ? What does she wants huh ? Her bf and countless spares cannot satisfy her is it? WTF ! She better makes sure she doesn't show her bitchy face in front of me.

As for Meow, I am a little disappointed with his responses to her. He is giving her the idea that he doesn't mind going out with her. To me...or her, he couldn't go this time due to he's not free or around. So, what happens next time eh ? This is not the first time liao and he knows very well I dislike (it's not good to use hate) her. Sigh ~!

Ok, off my chest, feeling better.

Koko (bro) came over in the morning to pass me my Blood Cleanser pills. RM 98 gone. He gave his friend's number, car dealer. Offer till end of April. Dad overheard. He was asking whether it's a must for me to get a car...reminding me not to simply take up any job just because I need the $ to finance my car installment. Then...koko kept suggesting to buy 2nd car while dad kept asking if I have thought carefully....my head started to spin....best escape...back to my room. Hehehe...I need to shower and get ready also ma. Meow came to fetch me after finish work. Phew ~!!

Ok, shee fook sai. Now, will lepak around others' blogs.

Feb 25 – Meow’s back :)

I didn’t realise until today that I miss him so much. Am so happy he came over right after his badminton. He’s still sick. He just left from my place. I wished he doesn’t have to leave but he has work tomorrow.

Made two more bracelets. Attended a wedding dinner where I know neither the bride nor groom. Just to accompany Gavin as his friend couldn't make it. U can say I went for free food as well. But food is so-so nya. It was held at the Moral Uplifting Society. Saw ex's schoolmate, S.Lin. At first not sure was her until she SMSed me. She was also checking whether I am the person she thought to be. I turned to smile and wave at her as soon as I read the message. She was the one I thought my ex went out with. However, it wasn't. I found out who my ex's target is. My sister's friend now in same department with ex, the wild outgoing girl. Goodness....I almost fainted when my ex told me. I called him to talk about tomorrow's plan with S.Ping. We talked for abt half hour.

Somehow the conversation drifted to his new image, taste and target. At first he did not want to tell his new target...he asked abt mine. I told him to tell first. He said it's the girl I saw last week at Gurney (she told him she saw me). OMG ~!! C.M.Ling. I couldn't believe he's really considering her. I laughed and wished him luck. I did not feel jealous this time. I was actually thinking that maybe it's 'pou ying' (payback time) if she still hasn't changed. She is well-known for materialistic, wild, very outgoing. She dyed her hair almost brown, with patches of blonde here and red/orange there. Whatever, all I know is...my ex has turned into a person I cannot love anymore. A completely different person from the one I used to admire and respect. My heart now is with Meow only. Speaking of Meow, he knows my blog already. I went to his house on Wed...found out he tried searching for my link. So, I decided to let him know. He was so anxious that he read till 2.30am. I guess due to lack of sleep, he fell sick. My fault ~! Should've waited till tomorrow.

Back to the conversation, ex asked whether my current bf is the one 'disconnect and now reconnect".Celaka, perli somemore. We talked for 30 mins, saw Meow's SMS saying he couldn't get thru my line. I called him after talking with ex. No answer. Called few times...hmm...getting worried. He didn't hear or asleep? Later he called back, said just finish badminton and coming to my house to bathe. Yippy !!

I am not gonna write long…not in the mood to sit here and type. Nothing la, just plain lazy. Tomorrow S.Ping will be in Penang till Sunday. So, I dun think I’ll have time and energy to update my blog. Will try to update on Monday. Have a great weekend all.

Feb 24 – Happy Day

SMS and call from Meow woke me up around 10.30am. He reached Ipoh, having flu. Poor Meow. I couldn’t sleep back coz stomachache, took colon cleanser pill before I slept. Went to toilet 3 times today, pill working well.

11am, had 3 pieces of Kiam-Piah (biscuits, not porn CD - my guys frens love to use that term) and a small ketupat with my Nescafe+condensed milk (Nestle Teapot brand of coz) while watching American Idol. Those girls are quite good, some attractive. My favourite is Carrie the farmer/country girl, she reminds me of Trishia Yearwood (er, correct spelling eh?) who sings How Do I Live without U. Laze around, read newspapers…back to room, wanted to take a nap but my Intel candidate L.Choo called me to say hi. When she found out I am jobless, she asked if I wanna take up a job – Sales Coordinator at Cititel, before she could go on, her hp rang and she said to call me back…er…I guess she was busy la. But I am kind of touched that I have so many ppl around me who cares and been helpful..esp to Claire who offered me to try the position she applied and had high chance of getting…but the funny thing was…that position was my previous role in ex-company. By applying for it would mean I go replace the person who replaced me, hahaha !! Also, thanks to Y.Nee who kept looking out for me, not forgetting Gigi and Chris who informed me as soon as they know there’s vacancy in their department. Of coz, I need to thank L.Wei (Intel Candidate, now working in my ex company). Yesterday she said will pass my resume to her friend working in HR Staffing. To my surprise, I received a call from her friend this afternoon. We chatted for 20 minutes, yes…I really mean chat. Dunno why, she seems easy to talk to. She even told me why she left her ex company. She asked what sort of positions I am interested and will look out for me.
Cool ! I guess they are ‘Angels’ sent by God.

Oh, speaking of Thanks, I must Thank KS
who helped me on my Nescafe links. Real nice and helpful guy. Kam siah che-che.

Aiks, sounds like Oscar or Grammy Award speech pulak!

Gavin came over to fetch me first since the rest still cannot leave their offices. We went grocery shopping at Sunshine Square. Very fast, half hour. Then to the food court near my house.

Dinner was fun…lotsa laughter, too bad Claire has assignment.
After dinner, a close friend offered me a job which I am very interested in. Quite high chances but am not putting too much hope…keeping my finger crossed !

Called Meow as soon as I reached home. He sounded tired and sick. Asked him to sleep earlier.

Finally, I told dad abt my resignation. I was figuring how to break the news…until he asked if he needs to fetch me to work tomorrow….ah ha….so I took the chance to tell him I am clearing my leave and had resigned earlier. Well, he ‘sounded’ a little…and most of my responses were “hehehe….er….heh” or smiled foolishly :P
Phew ~~ !! Burden off. I just hope I get the job. It’s time to focus on my career and hopefully this is something I can manage well. It’s gonna be challenging. I will not reveal yet abt this until 100% confirmed. Mean time…enjoy my break.

Sis called while I was writing this. She was afraid I might be bored. Told her I was busy, busy with Lao Sai (diarrhea) and outings. Hehehe. Meow SMSed me telling – cannot sleep, difficulty breathing, nose blocked. I called him after talking to sis. I miss him…poor Meow, sick and all alone. Asked him to drink some warm water and to call reception for panadol or any medication or ‘hong eeu’.
2.30am, hungry liao…but cannot eat. Better go sleep after post this. Ok, let me call Meow again.

Feb 23 – Farewell

Today is C.Jing’s last day at work, she will be joining my ex company and in the same team with Gigi next week. No one knows it’s also my last day. Actually a few do, and they are sad for me. One guy gave me the thumbs up sign, another, saluted me. Irene kept asking me to go one more day. We had a photo session at the break area for C.Jing. I gave her one of my handmade bracelets. I gave another to S.Fong, she has been very helpful. She was surprised when C.Yien told her later and they called to ask the popular questions – WHY ? REALLY ?

I have not informed dad. Just told him tomorrow on leave. But I am planning to tell him tomorrow that I have resigned a month ago (and will start collecting dust at home tomorrow onwards).

Oh, how was work today when u know it’s gonna be your last ? Morning started ok, I checked each status of my pending Requests. Clear as much as I could. I told Tony I won’t be joining for his lunch treat at Yosenabe Japanese steamboat as I had to clear my backlogs. He said ok…actually solve their transport problem since not enough cars to fetch his whole team. I dun feel like joining esp. makan free…moreover I dun like his team, all so serious.

After lunch, I zipped my pst file, copy to my memory key, delete whatever personal stuff including Yahoo/MSN/IE favourite & history links, remove my personal pst folder and of coz MOST important – EMPTY recycle bin ! I then ‘curi-curi’ packed my stuff bit by bit with hope no one noticed. 3 bags including food stuff (I think got around 2 – 3 kg just on food alone), damn heavy. Luckily this time I only had a small mini market compared to my previous company. My big bottle of Nescafe Gold almost empty…can make one more cup. I guess it denotes my time left for this company. I gave the bottle to Esther who booked the bottle 1 month + ago. Actually, I forgot abt it until she reminded me yesterday. Poor girl, she still does not know if her contract renewable, hers ending 28th Feb. See how efficient the staffing agent is !

I sent out a mail to my friends/relatives informing them not to email to my office’s account tomorrow onwards. 50% replied instantly;
Popular questions :

- Resign ?
- Leave again ?
- Getting married ?
- Where to ?
- What happened ?

My answers :
- Hehehehe….
- Not yet (resign)
- Soon (resign)
- Dunno yet
- On very very long leave
- Dun want ppl to see my personal mails.

Gavin called me right after Li Wei called. I felt touched (sangat terharu, kam thong) she offered to help me look for job. She called me twice…said would forward to HR. Yesterday also, she asked me to mail her friend who’s looking for ppl to work in her new office. She was my candidate when I worked as Staffing Consultant. She got permanent offer with her current company, resigned…that was how I knew her and became friends. It does not matter whether I get the job or not, it’s her sincerity that’s most heartfelt.

Time flies real fast today. Went for meeting at 3pm to hear some bullshit for the last time. After an hour of trying to keep myself awake (cushion on chair shiok & comfy ma), went to buy some kuihs and nasi lemak for dinner/supper.

After that photo session. I went through my checklist few times…set OOO – out of office with no mention of when me going back. Just about to off my PC, C.Yien asked me to amend one Request…of coz, I had to entertain…but he also pai seh that I was going back…so he said no need liao, will ask P.Choo, my backup.

5.45pm, Meow called to say he got something to do, a bit late. But I went outside to wait anyway coz I dun want big boss to or anyone see me carrying my stuff later. 6.30pm, Meow came. Was glad to leave.

He looked tensioned today, but he still treat me nice…just that his attention not 100% on me. He has to leave for Ipoh again tomorrow, back on Friday. I am gonna miss him, in fact I miss him already. Just spoke to him on the phone. Reminded him to bring jacket. He’s still going thru some manuals given to him last minute, 400+ pages. Poor thing. Btw, I went to his place today as he had to do some work on his PC. His nephew (7yrs old) got excited seeing me. He likes me to kiss his cheeks…sayang him. So cheeky. His face senget (tilted his head) a bit, index finger pointing to his right cheek, demanding for a kiss. I mimic him…he has no choice but to give me a kiss to get a kiss back…hahaha…cute boy.

Oh dear…tired and sleepy. I missed out American Idol just now, hopefully can wake up tomorrow for the repeated session.

Feb 22 – Call me Crazy

Before I write about today, let me just update a little abt yesterday evening.
I was actually hungry but Meow did not call as he promised he would after his dinner with badminton friends. When posting my blog, I saw him online on MSN. I felt a little disappointed at first but I did not show it. He told me he go shower first. I continue my job-hunt while chatting with KS another blogger. Later Meow called, said he would go tah pao Nasi Lemak for me (** pai seh ** - blush)…err…felt a bit guilty…dishhh myself !! : P

The Nasi Lemak quite big packet, I telan 2 packets…damn full…no wonder my weighing scale’s needle seems like the compass needle, always pointing to the same direction. How to lose weight ah ? Duh ~!!

Meow went back around 1am. I a bit ‘em seh tak’ him to leave…but cannot la, next day working. Talking about work…it’s a DREAD !!

Ok, woke up this morning…on the way to work, I was miles away thinking of Plan A, Plan B, Plan C (if any) should I resign. The more I think, the more excited I became.

Ei…my two mentors didn’t go for training wor. One of them asked me to help abit, the other asked how come I didn’t rush and follow-up. Ya ya…like I am robot, like I still care…actually I do…if I dun, I won’t end up so stressful. Maybe old liao.

As I sat in front of the PC, multi-tasking (ex-company taught us that, got used to it, not even a second wasted), I was finding ways not to lose too much if I go immediately. Fingers on Keyboard but eyes on my calendar…suddenly, something struck me! Yes ! I will do just that. Hahaha….call me crazy or what…dun care liao.

Waited for my direct boss Zul to come in, handed in 2 forms, one for yesterday’s emergency leave and another for coming leave. He hesitated on the coming ones, he said Tony should approved instead. Grrr….so I waited for Tony…told him I had some personal matter to attend to…he said ok but Zul should approved (hee horrkk hee horrkk!! *%#~!%^$#&*^!). I told him he might want to find a backup for my two mentors. He paused for awhile, head tilted, jaw dropped a bit (What? Dun tell me u forgot I am supporting TWO ppl + big boss?!)
5 seconds later, he collected himself and said he would ask P.C., a girl from his team to backup. When I went over to ask my two mentors something, I took the chance to inform them about my leave and that P.C. might be the backup person, however leave it to Tony to communicate.

Had lunch at Relau with Meow today, he went to bank to check on his ATM card. I told him I am very excited. He said whatever my decision, he’s on my side. Claire and M.Shya thought I am a bit crazy though, hehehe. I told my sis. She is supportive. Told her abt my main concern…how to break the news to dad. Sigh ~ ! Maybe tomorrow la…coz need to inform him abt my leave…permanent leave ;)

Left office around 6pm as I had to transfer some of my personal stuff to my memory key. I packed some stuff back as well…this time, not as much as my previous job. 2 boxes plus 3 – 4 rounds of plastics bags…4 years there…like a second home ma. Still remember the fun I had with Gigi when we worked overnight…and sometimes me alone, rushing reports for big bosses. What so fun ? Loud music and laughter, karaoke-sing-along sessions….instantly translating English / Cantonese songs to Hokkien version. Hey, I dun get the title Hokkien Song Singer for nothing eh. Hehehe. Those good old days.

Ok, coming back to present time, after dinner…Meow had shower at my place. His bro called, on the way back from Genting with gf. Meow wanted me to tag along, but I dun want la…’ma huan’ only coz later he has badminton (he used to play 5 times a week but unlike my ex, he ensures he spends time with me). Told him to call me after finish.

Had my shower, browsed The Star, no luck…sleepy, bed so inviting but had to on PC to transfer my files. Tomorrow will copy my outlook pst file…that should be all. Ok, will go online and see what Sis posted on her new blog.

Feb 21 – Marketing or Sales ?

Meow interrupted me trying on some nice clothes in my dream sometime around noon. Sleepily, I told him I will wake up later. Gavin called earlier to confirm if I wanna join him and Kean Eng to Redang trip in May. Cannot la…me not sure of my plans yet. $$ concerned also. Maybe next time.

2.30pm, cooked myself instant noodle. 3.15pm, selected which top to go with my slacks. Dad called to say he would be back soon. 4.05pm, on the way to Greenlane. 15mins later, reached the place. Filled up 4-pages form. Aircond damn cold. Lucky thing I had a jacket on. The interviewer talked more than I did this time. She asked if I could converse in Mandarin, I told her very little, she asked me to speak then. So I did…I said something like I can speak and understand a little. She asked me to go on. Huh ? Go on say what ? I told her I dunno what she wants me to say, but I can speak in Cantonese and Hokkien. She looked surprise when I say Cantonese. I thought she went thru my resume. Then she bla bla bla abt the job role…need to meet clients, travel up to Kedah, Perlis, Kelantan, Terengganu and Perak.

As she went on, I already knew I shouldn’t be there. However I did not reject her right away when she asked if I was still interested. I said I would still consider. She said she is ok with me and asked when I can start work. I told her it depends on the package. Before leaving, funny she said “If you dun like this job, I can recommend you to our clients should there be a vacancy that suits you”. I thanked her and left disappointed. Not because I might not get the job (there’s 2nd interview if shortlisted), but because it’s not what I want. This is the first time I did not do any selling of myself in an interview. I dun need to. I dun want to, actually. And to me, they dunno what is Marketing. Marketing is not Sales. Dun mix it.

On the way back…I had so many things on my mind…but one clear thing clouded me was the dread of going back to my current job cleaning shit again. Disheartening enough, I received few feedbacks from Jobstreets that few positions I applied for earlier are closed and my resume will be KIV, bla bla bla…sigh ~~! Ok, need to search for jobs again later.

Meow came over after work, we went for dinner at Lip Sin. He has badminton later and said would call me after that. 10pm, still no call. Never mind, I am going online now for my job-hunting.

Feb 20 – Introduced to Meow’s colleagues

11am, Meow called, he just had breakfast and on the way to my house. I opened the door for him, continued my ‘chat’ with Mr Chow-Kong on the bed while he watched Astro. Actually I only slept half hour la…showered and log onto net to download the map for my interview. Saw sis on MSN, chatted with her, the S.Phing…then hooked onto reading blogs…Meow came upstairs to see what was taking me so long to get ready.

Had lunch at the outside coffee shop, since it’s so near to the hair saloon, I went for a haircut, RM 6.00, regular customer ma. Shop owner asked abt my sis and how old my nephew…her own daughter already 18 months old. Time flies…from the time she was just amateur to now the owner, married with kid and her sister helping her out, not to mention big car. Got big fish (her hubby) to help her bought over the shop.

Anyway, back to my dull life…after haircut, Meow went for his badminton. Hmm…I was so tempted to go online again to update my blog, but but but…I fought off the urge. I must NOT let blog rules me. So, I took out my precious beads. I finished off two bracelets which I put away long time liao…and almost finished one beaded choker (ordered by a colleague). Why almost ? Insufficient beads ler…need to go buy more sometime this week.

Meow came over right from his badminton to shower. He was very hungry, kept hurrying me to change, hehe. After dinner, followed him to his colleague’s house. Some sort of CNY gathering, cards-gambling session. However, due to many who PPK (fly-aeroplane), only 2 other girls turned up. They seem nice and chatty. I was a bit quite though, have to project good impression ma. I had the chance to browse through the owner’s wedding pix. Can’t resist la, they had two pix in the living room, so I asked if I can take a look at the album. The wife looks real sweet. We ended up talking and eating pudding and jelly made by the wife.

9.30pm, we had to leave as Meow had to fetch his bro & gf to catch bus. They were going to Genting. It was the first time I stepped into Meow’s house again after broke off with him for around a month. His dad was watching VCD. I greeted him when he turned around. He just looked at me and then back to the TV screen. I wasn’t sure if he acknowledge my greeting coz the TV was real loud and at the same time his grandma was asking him for money.

After dropping his bro & gf off, went for supper near my house. I had abit only la…later sis complained I eat a lot. :P ‘Tah pao’ ‘lo mai kai’ for dad.

Back home, felt great coz next day not going to work. After calling Meow to say goodnite, I called my boss’ ext to leave a voice message – emergency leave. Of coz I can’t say I go interview. Then browse through Sat’s recruitment section.

Later, have the PC on, went to toilet to pee…just before I managed to ease myself… ** Poof **, power off. Aiks !! Pee on hold ! Luckily not that ‘kap’, can still wait…but I managed to shee shee also la.

Went downstairs…dad was with torchlight checking on the main switch. After few times trying to push the lever to ON, I asked if he wanna turn off the oven switch first. He was baking butter cake with mango. So he did, and voila ~~! Power back. Headache for dad…cake mixture how ah ? I suggested for him to use microwave oven. Luckily cake turned out ok, yummy !!

Back to upstairs…update my blog for Fri & Sat…I know, sorry, very long. I can’t control my fingers, they just can’t stop hitting the keypads. :P
By the time I off my PC and hit the bed, 5am. Could hear some neighbours waking up…but Goodnite for me.

Feb 19 – Mom’s anniversary

Woke up around noon. I was in the washroom when ex called. Meow passed me my hp but ringing stopped. I called back…first thing he said was “Haaa…dun wanna answer my call is it?” I said “Am in the toilet la…what’s up?” He asked if I was going to Avon (I told him 2 days ago), and to help him buy some stuff. He then asked who was fetching me to Gurney Plaza later. Meow ? I just said yes. He then said “He want meh?” He laughed coz he thought Meow still treats me well and hoping I would go back to him. Of coz I did not tell my ex that I am back with Meow. I just replied “Heh…else, u wanna fetch me meh?” to which he quickly said he cannot, busy. Hmmph !! Whatsoever la.

At Avon, Badriah, also my schoolmate saw Meow and whispered to me that Meow looks ‘garang’ (fierce) compared to my ex. Hahaha…I told her in actual, it’s vice-versa. She asked me if the stuff I took...for my ex. She’s right la…well, ex used to buy those stuff ma. Later I told Meow, he just laughed. I dun keep things from Meow…he knew I have a blog but he just dunno which URL. Hehehe….I asked if he is curious to find out, he said yes but has no idea how. Hmm…I dunno if I should let him read…I am just afraid he might be upset (on earlier postings). I think maybe much much later when our relationship is more stable first.

There wasn’t much time so I did not get flowers. I brought along a big bottle of water and sponge. Reached mom’s place around 2pm. It was sunny hot, Meow held umbrella over me when I went around sponge-cleaning mom’s tomb. I felt touched…he himself under the sunshine while he made sure the big umbrella shadowed me. Could see someone put flowers earlier, must be dad la. I said some prayers for mom. It’s 13th Anniversary, but memory of her sweet smile remains fresh in my mind. She looked half asleep in the coffin. Her eyes half-close, and miraculously, she had a smile on her face, as if dreaming away. The caretaker at the funeral parlour commented she had never seen such a beautiful corpse before. I was glad mom went away peacefully to be with the Lord.

Oh…one great thing, Meow doesn’t mind at all accompanying me to mom’s cemetery, while ex would avoid if he could. I found out him mom doesn’t like him going there. So, last few times he brought me there, he just waited in the car while I (alone) went in. Hmm…I guess love is blind huh. Maybe I should say ‘was’.

We reached Coffee Bean on time, 3pm, none of the gang arrived yet. So we went up to check on GSC screening time for Constantine. 10 mins later, Y.Khum called. She was there, so we joined her. Meow and I had our late lunch there. Sheaw Phing came later while the rest (ex, Slong & gf, Eric, Ronnie) came 15mins to 4pm (huh, 3pm wor?!). To some, it might be weird seeing me there with my 1st ex, 2nd ex and 3rd ex (they didn’t we got back together). I passed the Avon stuff to my ex. When I brought out the facial scrub, he was quick to say “U didn’t buy that for me right, I dun wan that ah” (hah…thick-skinned, what he thought I still crazy over him, sorry ler). I said no, I passed it to Slong. I told Slong it’s quite good, Meow is good example, less pimples now.

At one time, ex went out for a while, maybe to the gents. Slong commented to me that ex looked a bit sissy with his new image. New hairdo, new specs, new fashion. I did steal some good look at him…I realized I was like looking at a stranger…he was not the same person I used to know or love. Then I looked back at Meow, I am glad I chose to be back with him. He is so sweet…I think I am falling in love with Meow now. Not to say I dun love him earlier but it was not strong enough ma. We asked if anyone interested to join us for movie, some watched…ex not yet but he sort of avoided answering…never mind. Meow went to make a booking for 7.20pm show. We lepak till 5pm before parted.

Sheaw Phing followed Meow and I. We browsed around for clothes and shoes. Didn’t buy anything though. 7pm, S.Phing went for her dinner while we headed for the cinema. Nice movie…some parts a bit bloodcurdling for me. I saw the guy next to Meow had both his hands covering his mouth and nose. Luckily I got Meow to snuggle on. Movie lasted around 2 hours. We had my favourite Bak Kut The at Perak Road (near ICS Computer, opposite padang). Yummy ! However a rather poor choise as it’s quite heaty…so I wasn’t feeling too well after that. I slept earliest in the whole week, before 2am.

Parents

Parents Picture taken when mom and dad were young. They exchanged these photos during courtship.

Feb 18 – Interview call

Almost every second at work makes me sick ! I dun wanna tell more abt it, saying more makes me wanna puke.

However, God is listening. I received a call from a company I applied last week for Marketing Exec to go for interview on coming Wed. I was hesitant when the lady told me I had to go outdoor to meet clients. But I did not reject her right away. She asked if Tues 4.30pm is ok, I told her I would have to check with my boss if I can take leave and would return a call to her. Lucn time…I was busy with my work…I joined my colleagues much later at the break area. Didn’t have time to buy any buns, so I made do with 3 pieces of Jacob biscuits and a cup of Milo+Cereal.

Slightly after lunch, I decided to call back that lady. I asked if I could change to Monday instead (yes, can’t wait to leave my current job). At first she told me her boss not available as other candidates were scheduled. But she asked me to hold the line…* music *…(some 60 seconds later)…Hello…Ok, Monday 4.30pm. (Cool !!). I asked what else they need from me…photo? She thought for awhile before saying yes.

Then back to clearing shit and more shit dumped to me…getting on my nerves but I kept reminding myself to remain calm, freedom is just a few days away. My lunch mates waited patiently for me till 6.30pm before we left for our first outdoor gathering cum dinner at KFC Sunshine Square. It was fun, 2 Malays and 3 Chinese girls, but queer enough we spoke in Malay 90% of the time. I managed to browse through shoes section before the girls decided to leave. I wanted to buy heels, my favourite pair got chewed by Ron my dog.

I accompanied Noor to Young Ones while she waited for her hubby. I planned to resume my shopping while waiting for Meow to reach Penang. He was at Taiping with 2 other colleagues to visit customer’s site. But Meow called before I managed to shop. I met Farah, the receptionist who used to work at Kelly Services. She is getting married in Aug. I asked if she has taken wedding pix, she said Malay normally have their photos taken on actual day. She asked what cosmetics I used, said I look younger and prettier (**blush**). Hmm…thanks for SK-II Miracle Water…and also Avon’s Anew stuff. Quite an investment but I dun buy much nowadays coz ‘economy’ not good. Gotta think thrice before I pull my wallet out.

I accompanied Meow for his dinner…but of coz I couldn’t resist when I saw Lok-Lok (u get to dip meatballs/vege/cuttlefish/etc into boiling water and eat with sauce). Yes, my favourite ‘bak-uan’ (meatball – pork). I had only 4 ok). After dinner, back to my house. Meow helped me to add some RAMs to my pc. Later I pulled his beard’s hair…my new hobby ;) 1am…both hungry, lazy to go out, so I cooked instant noodle. Dad was still watching TV but he went upstairs just as I was about to finish my supper. So, quietly, Meow went upstairs…and spent the nite with me. I like it when he cuddle me to sleep, unlike my ex…he would scold me if I hug him, complain hot, uncomfortable…whatever la.

Tired...lazy...

I am quite tired, will update my blog later. Came back from gathering and then movie. Not feeling too good, either lack of sleep or maybe it's the Bak Kut Teh I had just now, too heaty I guess. Oh..need to rest, but before that, have to check something on the net for Koko.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. God Bless.

Feb 17 – Can’t wait till weekend

Workload tripled…somebody kill me pls ! Was mentally exhausted by the time I flopped into Meow’s car seat. Pity him…talking to me without much response. Before left office, went to cafeteria, bought 4 packets of Nasi Lemak, a packet of Cucur Udang and some kuihs…so cheap, Nasi Lemak only RM 0.60 per packet. My guess is company subsidise la. Ate at my home lo, he has badminton later.

Was watching American Idol when that bitch called him from her office. Heard the tone rang few times…I asked him who called, he told me it’s Shirin. First few calls he rejected coz showed ‘Private Number’ (her office won’t show numbers). Finally when he answered her 4th or 5th call, I heard him saying “At Joe’s home…huh….” end of conversation. He said line cut. Ya…like I believe…she was using fixed line…must be using her old ‘tiu mun loi’ (spoilt bitch) style. A min or two later, she called again….Meow later told me she asked if he could fetch her home (hmmphh…quarrel with her bf again I suppose!). I dunno what he told her but all I know is he dare not go fetch her. Stupid bitch…still won’t wake up…what does she want? She has her own bf yet she kept calling mine for this la…that la…her modem problem la, pc got problem la…WTF! She thought can still be like her old times…get Meow to be her spare and driver. Blar-dy-ful !! Excuse my language. I’ve been very stressed out and now this bitch come and ka-ka-ciao-ciao (annoy). Ok…I admit I am jealous as well la.

Oh…I did call my ex twice. Once around 8pm…coz my hp battery weak…hp cannot use…so I thought Maxis line got problem…I called him coz he also use Maxis line ma. His ok…he was outside (I could hear la but did not ask, can’t be bothered – ahem ! Letting go a bit more liao). Later…I called him again to ask if he wanted more facial wash and foot talcum from Avon since I might be going this Sat and later meeting Slong and the rest of our usual gang in the noon. He said ok. He even told me he just finished dinner…his boss treat them.
My hp got a bit problem. Meow came over to take a look…still cannot…kept auto-on/off. Duh ! Not even one week. Damn ! Unlucky day I guess. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day. Weekend approaching !! Yes !!

Feb 16 – ‘Phai Thnee Kong’

Today, eve of 9th day on Chinese calendar, Buddhists esp. the Hokkiens will prepare and pray. To them…it means a lot of food preparation, burning ‘gold’ and firecrackers. To me…it’s annoyance, air and noise pollution (damn my back neighbours, exploding those firecrackers just right above my roof…KNS !!), sleepless night, pek-cikness (frustrations), nerve-wrecking (I suffer mild heart attack at almost every loud BOOM and endless Prakkk prakkk praakkk sound… esp from the M****r F****rs neighbours back lane (so wanna SMS police – saw the number in yesterday’s Star, ok...ok…will give them till 3am)….and not forgetting, a waste of $$ !! I couldn’t even hear the TV and can’t enjoy my American Idol (repeat). Grrrr ~~!!

And work has become shittier by the day. The two mentors seem to throw work at me…hey, I am not the servant ok. Celakoey …I so so need to get a new job – SOON !! Oh…one of them on leave tomorrow coz today need to pray…duh !!
I am thankful I dun have to go thru all these …to think that I used to stay awake till morning with my sis and Sako, joss-stick after joss-stick for nine rounds (9-lor hneoh)..am glad I never need to repeat that. Dun get me wrong, I have nothing against such beliefs…just that I have my own opinions and beliefs.

Damn no mood today…I can’t stop thinking about leaving my current job…I am very very sure of not renewing my contract which is ending this April. Stupid process and procedures, really make me feel inefficient, downgraded. I can be much more productive teaching or selling nasi lemak !!

Bf…Meow (will start referring him as Meow) lepak around my room after dinner while I posted resume to a company. He then left to his relative’s place before going home to practise the nuisance...Oops, I mean culture which I mentioned above.

1.30am…still can hear some crackers…ei…back neighbour toned down wor…but still can hear ppl talking loudly and cling-clong-clang of utensils…maybe they are busy feasting on the kuihs, roasted pig/chicken/fruits/etc (dunno la…too long liao, forgot what else ppl serve to the God).

I better stop here before some Buddhists (Taoist?) curse me.
Hoping for rain…could hear thunder and see some ‘disco’ light in the sky. Duh…air damn polluted…burn so much…hiyo….ok ok, I stop complaining. I just hope these ppl who so pure-hearted to pray to Thnee Kong are really pure in heart ! God Bless us all.

Feb 15 – Home cooked Meal

Not I cook of course. Yum yum…dad cooked prawn curry and chicken casserole. Er…but I did fry some eggs la. Bf also had dinner at my place. Dad said he was meeting Uncle Benny for dinner.
I was busy washing dishes after dinner…bf missing. Aiks ! Fell asleep in my room. He can afford to do that la…so skinny. After shower…I wanted to join in for a nap, but he woke up liao. Sometimes I looked at him, I had questions playing in my mind. How much I love him…for how long ? But when I thought about how much he loves me…I smiled and doubts went off for a while.

I thought I smelled cigarette from his breath. He admitted to smoking one today and one yesterday. Suddenly, I had this unexplained weird feelings inside me. Not sure whether I was upset or disappointed, there’s some kind of pain and love. I guess I do love him after all, just that not as much as he loves me. I am not quite used to loving a guy less than he loves me. Indirectly, I am not so comfortable being a ‘Queen’ yet. He felt so guilty and scared...that I would be angry at him. I almost laugh out looking at his 'mercy' eyes.

He lepak till 12am, watching wrestling with my dad while I flipped thru the Sunday Star.

Work – Today, traffic back to normal, jammed. Was busy helping my two mentors. Didn’t have chance to do my cleanup. Big boss away in KL according to Rani. Michelle said I look younger than my age…waaa…so happy ! Maybe b’cos I sometimes siao-siao (crazy), joke and jump around….haha.

Oops ! Forgot to call/sms YN. Hope she recovers liao. Oh…Peck Lin SMSed me, she was so happy, she got the job at Celestica. I replied her that God always there and listened. Told her to be patient and make sure she doesn’t anyhow quit this time.
Just a short post today, sleepy liao. Will go read some blogs before I call it a day.

Feb 14 – Simple but Sweet Valentine

Work ok…I helped follow-up a bit and later did some of my cleanup. Could see 90% Chinese wearing new CNY clothes…pink & red…favourite colours among ladies. Oh, not forgetting, CNY hairdo as well…esp. guys…a lot look like Ah Beng with their orange/yellow/red hair. Lunch time…I was dumbfounded by a guy who looked like he forgot to change his clubbing shirt. Almost mistaken him for a woman! He had this white shirt with pink vertical stripes, sleeves stiched-folded with silver polished buttons on each fold. Maybe it was the way he stood…I am pretty sure he’s gay.

Bf fetched me around 5.20pm. Headed home to shower. I suggested few places for dinner. In the end, we decided to go for our favourite – Nasi Lemak at Liverpool Malay coffee shop in Batu Lanchang. Yummy !! And it’s also cheap ! I had 2 packets, he had 3.Bought one packet for dad. After dinner, dropped the Nasi Lemak for dad, bf said wanna go somewhere to have drinks…seems like a lot of place packed. I told him to ‘patah balik’ to my house, no need to spend money and go cram with ppl.

He watched Hulk on Astro while I read newspapers over his Jasmine tea, me…my coffee (aiya, what is better than Nescafe wor). Aunty (dad’s gf in Canada) called to wish me Happy Valentine’s day and of coz, to check whether dad is really at home.

Before bf went back, we spent some time together in my room. I asked if he ever expected for us to go back together that soon…he said he dared not expect anything but he’s very happy. He asked how I celebrated my V-day last year. Told him that the two white teddy bears hanging in my room…that was the door gift package from buffet dinner at Revolving, City Bayview. That was my last Valentine with my ex.

I got to know ex does not have any date coz he suggested to have the gathering for Slong tonight. Well, that was as of noon when I called to check which day he could make it for the gathering.

Received SMS from Cheok wishing me Happy Valentine’s day. That was nice of him…replied back to him wishing that he will find his true love (he just broke off with his gf ).

Yen Nee SMSed me that she was at clinic, food poisoning. I just prayed for her to recover soon.

Ok, gotta post this quick and sleep by 2am. Hope everyone had a great time. Love yourself, your spouse, your partner, your family, friends and pets ! Happy Valentine’s Day.

Feb 13 – Reconcile

It was almost noon when we woke up, it felt good to be in his arms. Dad went to church I guess. Not sure if he knows LX slept over. : P

I think I would have to call LX my bf now.

We had lunch Sunshine market. Weather was damn hot. Bf went crazy over longan drink. He finished ¾ of the can. We fed on CNY cookies while watching Astro…actually it was me who watched, he was too busy with my new hp.

5pm, I was tired, I told him I go for nap. He joined me. Dad came back later to feed the dogs. Went out dinner with bf (hmm…not used to calling him bf yet). Bak Kut The at Relau…almost no place to sit, so crowded.

After dinner, sent me home, I told him to go back and rest. I put some cookies in Tupperware for my colleagues tomorrow. Peck Lin SMSed me, she broke off with new gf (2 weeks) coz still cannot let go of her ex. Aiks ! Like my case. I called my ex (already almost 4 days did not talk to him). Why wanna call ? Well…I still want to know if he celebrated or celebrating Valentine’s Day with any new target.

I called
13-02-05 10:23:10pm Sun 5mins 12secs
He said his target…watching football at home. He ‘thanked’ me for my ‘concern’. Damn, perli me. He asked back…if I m going out with anyone, how about “M” (referring to LX=bf). I didn’t say exactly yes or no, but I said “I told M earlier not to buy me anything, not to spend money”. He then ask who I am dating…I replied “Got la”. He told me he went out with his school mates last nite (instead of clubbing) and later going to Air Itam, someone fetching him. I did not ask who…I guess I didn’t want to know. I just commented that tomorrow he’s working and still going out so late…very can. He asked how’s my car coming along…I said maybe next month. This month broke…bought handphone. Again, kena perli…said I rich…bought expensive one. Aiya, I dun always change hp, so I guess this one will last me for a long long time.

After talking to him, I showered, washed my clothes as usual, then update 3 days’ blogs…halfway, called bf around 12.15am, scared he sleepy. He was converting some MP3s. Finally, 1am…finished updating. Gonna post and sleep by 2am. Can hear dad is getting ready to sleep too. So fast, work again…headache ler…have to follow-up on the ECRs from Joanne and Chin Keow. Hopefully not too ‘pek cik’ at work.

Feb 12 – LX = BF?

11am, LX called to ask if I wanted Nasi Lemak. Supertanker too many ppl, no place to sit. Sleepily I said ok. He then lepak at my house. Dad went out later. Gavin called to ask if Kean Eng said anything about going out. I made him call Kean Eng. They wanted to go for ice kacang at Teluk Bahang ! Gavin asked me to fetch Keone. Called Keone few times, no answer, sent him SMS that will be fetching him. He called back later to say he just came out from cinema and why we did not inform him earlier. Alamak, Gavin didn’t call him earlier wan…ceh, luckily I didn’t go to Keone’s place straight away. Explained to him that our outing was impromptu.

We met at Crown Prince and Kean Eng showed the way…what a long journey…all the way to Tropical Fruit farm ! Luckily the ice kacang, chendol, rojak and fresh fruits were good. Got along well with Kean Eng’s sister Lina, cousin sis Fiona and KL friend William. Next, we went to Island Plaza, William went to ‘bathe’, while the girls shopped. So, 4 of us lingered at Coffee Bean. Chris SMSed, wanna watch Constantine. I called him, cannot ler, I got dinner at nite.

Bought KFC home to eat. Popcorn chicken – ate in the car coz LX and I only had nasi lemak and some ice kacang/rojak earlier. LX dropped me before went to fetch his friends for their gathering. His ex also going. He asked me to join him, I said I dun wan.

I ate a piece of my yummy spicy chicken, coleslaw and mash potato before I had one good hour of sweaty session with my ironing. After shower, I searched for DVD receipt. Cannot read disc, celaka, only half year nya…so fast problem liao. I decided to take out ex’s photos and replaced with pictures of mom and dad.
I continued with my second piece. Dad ate 2 of the original, left one…so I asked LX to come over to ‘kao tim’ that piece.

Went up to my room…I asked him…which he preferred :
To give me time and take the risk that I might not come back to him, or
To go back together now and take the risk that I might leave him again.

He chose 2.

2am, he said he didn’t wanna leave. So crazy, went back to his place to change car, then back to my house. Spent the night with him. He asked me where was ex’s picture, I replied…already ex, so, no use putting on my bed top.

I had a lot of thinking before I decided to go back with LX. It’s amazing how LX feels fascinated with almost everything I do. I can say I feel very comfortable with him and I can be myself anytime. Well, time will tell.

Feb 11 – Date with LX

Yesterday, LX came to bring me out for dinner. We had ikan bakar and belitung at Supertanker hawker centre. Went to BJC to see what was showing on cinema. Himalaya Singh, hilarious ! Lau Ching Wan was good at imitating Mr Bean. Ronald Cheng – so funny ! Love the part when he was learning how to be a bad guy thru VCD and was given wrong CD (porn!). We bought couple seat as only front rows left.

After movie, 11pm only. Slept at around 2am. Gotta work on Fri.

Friday morning, traffic was clear. There were only 13 ppl in our department (usually almost 40), including my boss, Zul who came in later.

LX MSNed me to join him for lunch. I told him I cannot so ‘mou yee hei’ to fly my colleagues aeroplane. He asked them to join. We went to BJ, Dave’s Deli for lunch. Michelle bought a pair of earrings. Noor, Intan and Michelle have good impressions of LX and asked why I dun wanna consider LX again. They too noticed his long curled eyelashes.

Back to office, left 5 of us (include Zul). I didn’t do much, just checking the status of ECR, dunno how to do. Called Chin Keow but no answer, what the heck…let it be ler.
Chatted with Kean Eng and Allan on MSN. Allan asked about origami, he knew I made boxes and asked where to find a good website. He told me a girl is interested in him and he will give it a try. I told him not to force himself too much.

3.30pm, Zul left. Last to leave, Michelle, Intan and I at 4pm. LX came to fetch me dinner, then searched for my new hp before going home. I wanted to buy one with camera feature for a long time. I can snap my craft if necessary. Settled for Motorola A668 – RM 1400. So, I am broke now.

LX lepak at my house, engrossed with my new hp. Koko, sis-in-law and Wilfred came. Wilfred looked at LX, then with an innocent face he said “Koo Koo, I didn’t know u have a boyfriend”. I looked at LX, he smiled. I changed topic. Koko gave LX a red packet but passed thru Wilfred. Wilfred was so cute…he whispered to me while shoving the ang pow into my hand…”Papa give your boyfriend”. I said my hands occupied, making drinks – longan n lychee…so I asked him to pass to LX but Wilfred was shy. LX was so happy with the longan…he practically finished most of it.

Yen Nee called to wish me Happy CNY. She asked for updates as she didn’t get to read my blogs for few days liao. I owe her $, asked her to bet 5668 (new hp model). YN, please remind me to pay u back.

Went for supper at Subaidah. Later we talked in his car till around 2.30am. I found that I had the same kind of feelings I had for him when we first dated. However, I know I still have some left for my ex.
Sis called to talked awhile while I was still outside with LX. She got my message earlier. Tried to call her coz Wilfred wanted to talk to her, but sis was asleep.

Feb 10 – Confused again

LX and I talked till 3am. I had some feelings back for him…but I told him again…it might be temporary, me still confused. But I know one thing…he treats me very nice since the first day. I asked him what was on his mind when I cried in front of him the other night, over my ex. He said, he felt hate towards my ex for making me so upset and hurt, and how he wished he could switch place with my ex. Awwwee…that was so sweet, but I did not tell him of coz, I just smile a bit n gave him a hug. I told him I did miss him at times…he replied “Not as much as I miss U”.

I went to bed after talking to him (he reached home). He will be going to Alor Star in the morning to visit his granny’s home.

10am, Chun Kit, my best pal in UK (PHD in Chemical Engineering), replied my SMS that he might be back after CNY as he has accepted Shell’s offer and gotta do some paperwork. Said he miss me too and to take care.
Every year, he would come back for CNY. And he would made sure that he meet up with me before going back to UK. I am happy that we still keep in touch and still that close after so many years, since high school.

11am, LX SMSed me that he’s on the way to Alor Star. I wanted to continue my sleep but I heard the rubbish lorry somewhere nearby. So, brushed my teeth, made a nice cup of Nescafe, prepared two red packets (RM 4 each). Passed to one of the guys collecting my neighbours rubbish. Then I fed on those CNY cakes, cookies and bak kua (I know…fattening !) while I watched Stephen Chow’s movie on TV…watched before but I enjoy his movie…no harm laughing again.
Dad came down, made me noodles from the steamboat leftover soup. 1pm, I went upstairs, showered, had my whitening mask on…then time to update my blog. Wah, my food digested and it’s only 3.17pm now. Hmm…how to keep fit?

Feb 9 – 1st Day of CNY

I ended up sleeping around 5am. Surfing for jobs. Sako came at 10am. I was too sleepy. I could hear her talking with dad downstairs. Sleepily, I thought to myself that was a good sign…at least they are in talking terms…although ‘forced’. Tired being their middle person, passing message here and there. Dunno la, my dad and his siblings not close. Luckily I dun have such problem with my bro and sis.

11am, finally I dragged myself out from the bed. Alamak, constipation. Guess that colon cleanser pill not working this time. Had steamboat again, this time, the soup is so much tastier.

After brunch, I sat on the sofa. I feel a bit sad thinking about last CNY. It was my last CNY with my ex. Then, I had this feeling…I have to let go…I wanted to wait a little longer but I couldn’t hold any longer…so I decided to let go…the pain is almost unbearable…felt like all twisted and spinning… I excused myself to upstairs…like a speed of lightning, I locked my room’s door, stripped myself. As soon as I sit on it….priaaaaakkk…..tum….tum…. ** sigh ** ~~ !! Finally !! I managed to let go of the toxic in my tummy. Phew !! Relief !!

Relatives came and went. They came quite late. So, by the time I called my sis at 1pm our time, I guess sis was already asleep.

LX SMSed me to let him know once I am back from my grandma’s house. I asked why but he wouldn’t want to let me know why. I hope he wasn’t thinking about asking me to go to his house.

Showed my cousin Sue the bracelets and gift boxes I made. She loved it. She followed my dad & I to my other grandma’s place. On the way down, I saw my ex’s car passed by then turned into the Jelutong/Batu Lanchang curve. I couldn’t concentrate on my conversation with Sue. He was alone in the car…

Only Ah Lean Ee, Gong Ku and the maid were there….and Sue’s mom and bro still there waiting to fetch Sue back from there. This year no cookies, no celebration…nothing coz still mourning for granny since last June. We were there only about 10 mins before dad n I left to buy flowers for mom and grandparents. On the way to buy flowers, I sent my ex a SMS.

I SMSed
09-02-05 4:37:pm Wed
At yr grandma’s place?

He called
09-02-05 4:49:26pm Wed
I was still in the car when he called. He asked how did I came to know abt it? Slong saw him ? (his grandma’s house in the same block with Slong). Told him I was on the way to my granny’s place when I saw his car. He asked where my granny’s house is. (Hello ~~!! I thought u went there twice ! But he did not go to granny’s funeral…so perhaps he already erased it from his memory). I did not answer him, instead, asked if they are planning to go out again with the gang since Slong is still in Penang. He said no one said anything. Ok. He told me his parents went to his grandma’s place in the morning, so, he went later alone. Couldn’t talk much as dad was beside me, driving. So, had to end the conversation.

Ah Kong n Ah Ma’s place closed, so we went to Western Cemetery to put flowers for mom. Was sleepy n tired by the time reached home at 6pm. I wanted to take a nap but cannot, helped dad a bit. Cousin Small See SMSed that she would be coming over with her bf at 8.30pm for dinner as dad invited her to taste his chicken curry.

I called LX as promised. He said he missed me, asked if I can go out later with him. I told him my cousin coming over and me too tired. I asked him to come over at 9.30pm. See’s bf is 1 yr older than I, 5 yrs older than See. He looks nice, polite…am happy for her. Can feel like he’s the servant, she is the Queen.

Dad had dinner after they left. LX came, I was already hungry liao. Told him to sweep as much food as he can. We were so full, I had to make Chinese tea to digest. We watched American Idol (repeat) with dad. Then dad went to sleep.

Feb 9 – Keong Hee Huat Chai (Happy CNY)

After shower, already past 12am, CNY liao. BOOM BOOM !! Hmmm…never did like the sound of firecrackers. Since young, I was very much afraid. I remember I would hide in the toilet with my cousin Sue, sticking our fingers tightly into our ears. Now, grown up, still dun like the noise…made me jumped ! And there goes my mood…I dun like to be frightened, makes me jumpy and in TYM – “Tai Yee Ma”/ PMS mood.

He SMSed
09-02-05 12:59:03am Wed
He forwarded me a CNY sms wish :
Dear Tee kong (God), Pls poh bee (bless) my friends “pinpin anan” (safe n sound), soonsoon lili (everything smooth) during 2005 – teo toto (win TOTO), teo 4D, teo 1 + 3D. Kam Xia (Thank you).

I SMSed
09-02-05 01:03am Wed
Thanks, now I hv to buy lottery lo. I am having second round steamboat now. Just now all left at 3pm, except me. U?

He SMSed
09-02-05 01:04:28am Wed
Now outside
Praying with ah
chai


I SMSed
09-02-05 01:06am Wed
Oh, temple ya.
Good la, pray for
better health n
wealth, for
yourself, family n frens – me also,
Hehe.

LX called me when I was still eating, told him I would call him back. Dad was busy cooking his chicken curry and eating at the same time. After eating, so hot la, showered again, then checked out the make-up stuff my sis-in-law gave me. She got it from lucky draw n she dun use make-ups stuff. Maybelline and Loreal…lipsticks, eyebrow pencil, lipsliner, also got make-up removal oil, hair dye…alamak, so many, gonna last me a long time.
I returned call to LX at 1.58am, he was already in bed, half asleep I guess, but he did talk to me…actually more like me ‘reporting’ to him…coz he asked a lot. So tired now but dun feel like sleeping yet. Hiya, morning have to wake up early…sien la…duh !

Feb 8- I called his home!!

I called
8-02-05 12:12:34am Mon
I thought my ex was still home, wanted to tell him where he can check the MSN chat log. But he was outside with friends (dunno who la, cannot ask ma but can hear guys and girls voices, my guess – schoolmates coz I overheard he would meet them for supper on Monday when I was in his car on Sunday). He said nvm, he will ask that person again for the service tag number.

I called
8-02-05 12:54:43am Mon
I stumbled upon 3 blogs belonging to Dell TS. From what I read, they are still new, less than half year. Postings mostly complaining about customers, their jobs, frustrations…hehehe…sound so familiar although I was not in TS dept. I asked if he knows anyone by the name of C.O., he has no idea. He was still outside. About 10 mins later, I SMSed him when I saw a familiar TS in Thai Q. He replied me perli that I don’t have to sleep liao that nite.

I called
8-02-05 1:19:08am Mon
I told him whose blog from TS I found. He didn’t sound excited, more like irritated. Ooops!! I guess it’s because he was still with his ‘friends’. So, I said good nite. Slept around 2.30am.

Work – I was like siao lang (crazy person), running btwn 3 PCs. 20 over requests !! I so so need a new job ! Everyone went off early….me still cleaning shit…other ppl’s shit !
LX was nice, he came at 5.15pm just to fetch me home.

Dinner – Tradition, steamboat…every year we will have steamboat on CNY eve. Since when ? I think before I was born.
Steamboat – yummy !! Many sorts of meatballs/fishballs, squids, cuttlefish, prawns, chicken/fish meat, wan tan, sea cucumber, mushrooms, vege, tofu, noodle and not forgetting sambal and chilli sauce !! Er…of coz not me who prepared, pai seh la…my dad did all the work.
Sorry Sis…I ate on your behalf. That was why I had 3rd round after relatives went home, after the never-ending washing, rounds of drinks I had to make, wiping here and there…phew !! Tiring la. Thanks for calling all the way from Canada. Dun worry, next time u come back, we will have steamboat ya !

After my bro/sis-in-law/nephew/Sako(3rd aunt)/cousin sis (Small See) n her parents went back, I had a short rest in front of the TV…there was this programme on Chinese Acrobatic. Wow…those young girls are really good. Immediately, ex and LX’s parents came to my mind. I called my ex first, then LX (LX was busy joining his brothers playing fire crackers).

I called
08-02-05 11:36:18pm Tues
Wish him Happy CNY…asked if he was at home…got Chinese Acrobatic on TV3, thought his mom/dad would be interested. He said “No, I am outside, on the way to meet Ah Chai (his best pal)”. Hmm…wonder why he chose to provide details. So, I said ok, nevermind. 10mins later, knowing he would not be home, I called his home, his dad answered. I was hoping for his mom instead. I greeted “uncle” and asked for “aunty”, his dad said she was in the shower. So, I said I just wanted to wish Happy Chinese New Year. Then I asked if he’s watching TV3, he said yes…the acrobatic show…so I said…ok, just thought they might be interested in case they were not watching it…so I politely end the conversation wishing him again and said thanks. I did not call back later…although I wanted to personally wish the mom. Then I went for my shower, finally.

Feb 7 – Ex and LX called at the same time

He called
07-02-05 11:35:28pm Mon
I was talking to LX (LX called) when the line was suddenly cut off and few seconds later, my ex called (wow…ex got priority is it?)
He asked me how to check MSN chat log. I told him maybe his version does not have coz my home’s MSN also dun have. Someone gave him a service tag number but he accidentally closed the screen.
LX couldn’t get me on my hp, called my home…I told him I would call back.

Feb 8 - CNY eve

M****r F****r ! Everyone's gone, some as early as 1pm, some by 3pm...but here I am, still figuring what to do.
Sien la...didn't even have proper lunch.

Dun care...Target to go back by 5pm - hopefully !
Can't wait for the steamboat tonight..yum yum !!
Happy Chinese New Year to all !!

Feb 6 – 1st Ex is back

Morning…P. Lin and Rani SMSed me…then Sako calld me, later LX called me (he asked if I wanna have lunch, I said I was too sleepy)…so my sleep was interrupted. Headache…by 1pm, I decided to give up sleeping.

Heated the nasi lemak dad bought me yesterday…The rest of the afternoon, I had to do my bit of house cleaning…otherwise, I will seem like like very ‘pat-hou’ daughter. : P
Washed the vases and little décor stuff from the cupboard downstairs, then had some muscle building exercise when I took out the cushion covers from the old cushions…u know la, have to pushed the two edges together before I managed to pull the cover out.

LX called me to confirm dinner around 7.30pm. Slong is back from Shanghai. I watched TV - 100% Feel (Cantonese), felt sad coz it looks like my love life. But at least Sammi get back together with Ekin in the end.

7.30pm, I was ready waiting as they said wanna meet at my house…15 mins passed, still no one…LX called. Said cannot find Slong. I called Slong’s sister. Aha…she said he’s in toilet. Duh !! He is always late. Tried calling LX, engaged. Then I called my ex telling him it’s gonna be around 8.30pm instead. He was quite furious. He was nearby my house on the way back from Prangin Mall (later he told me he went to have his specs adjusted). He said if like that then he may not want to go out again later as it will be quite jam from his place. I suggested for him to pick me up first since he’s nearby…next thing I know, he was in front of my house. We went to the Food court nearby for iced tea. Slong called back…I asked him to move his butt over ASAP. Then I called LX, telling him we managed to reach the ‘Pig’ and he would be coming over. LX will call Eric.

Waited a long time for dinner (choo-char) but worth the wait. Food is good…it’s at the coffee shop near PBB at P. Jerjak. Slong looks thinner and he brought along Grace. Later LX told me that they are still together. After dinner, LX walked away to his car, I thought Eric came with him, but nope. So, I asked my ex to drop me home.
I had a feeling LX was upset coz I followed my ex’s car. I was right, I called LX later. He was crying. Spent about half over…talking…er…actually nothing to talk…more like consoling him…dunno la.

My dad’s gf called. Talked for awhile…sounds like she knows what happened coz she asked me not to feel too sad. Must be my sis told her something.

Tomorrow gotta work, sien la….

Feb 5 – Surprised! He asked me out for dinner

Had lunch with LX. He called me from Shirin’s home. Ya…her tmnet line got problem…and she had no one else to call but LX. Whatever la…I asked LX to have lunch with her…but he didn’t want. Ok, so we went to BJ. Had McD, I know…fattening food…aiya…once in a while ok kua. Then, Coffee Bean.
Dunno what came over me…I asked LX if he wanted to go in the house. I gave him some mangoes. He checked the tmnet settings on my pc.
I let him kissed and hugged me. Only for today. I missed him actually. But I told him that I dun want him to have any false expectations as I am emotionally unstable and confused. He said he just misses me too much.

Later dinner…he put his hand on my shoulder, neck when walking. I told him not to do that in public…he said he dun care…hmmm….(but I do leh

He Called
05-02-05 8:43:03pm Sat
What a surprised. He was driving, just took his new glasses from Prangin Mall. Said he wanna eat the Duck Rice near my house. Actually I just reached home not long ago and was about to shower. So, I told him I need about 15mins. He said he will wait for me.

I did not eat as I had curry fish with LX earlier. At first I wonder why he asked me out again as he was so afraid that I might misunderstand. Then, I saw his new specs…yes, the second specs he went to make, which he did not want to explain when I asked. Now, I know why he asked me…I thought to myself…he was excited about his new D&G trendy specs…and he wanted my opinion or perhaps ‘approval’ or compliments. RM 500. Wow…nowadays, he really ‘invest’ on his looks.

I commented it looks nice, he seems to have been influenced by his bro and his brother’s friends, yet I still feel to urge to slap him, hahaa.

Cheok called him, wanna go Glo. My ex asked if my colleagues confirmed going down to SS (which is next to Glo). I said most likely. He dropped me home first, then to join Cheok for drinks at another coffee shop, also near my house. I SMSed Rani to ask if she was on her way, how many ppl. She replied on the way, 3 of them, Then I called P.Lin no answer. SMSed her is she wanted to join….no reply. !). LX called me later and asked if I am going out, I said yes. He asked me not to go till so late…but with who…that he did not ask, which is good.


He called
05-02-05 10:49:45pm Sat
He called to inform Cheok will fetch him at 11pm, then pick me up.

I joined my ex and ex-colleagues at Glo since Rani still have not replied. Joined Jethro’s friends, Jamie – she’s sweet (she thought I am 22!!), we clicked immediately. Then, a guy, about my ex’s height, Jason, cool looking. Doesn’t dance much, smokes a lot, was abit quiet. Did talked a bit with him. I talked more to Cheok. He told me about his gf, just broke off too. I told him how I felt about my ex. He was nice, he consoled me. He said he will help me find out. He asked for my number.

I had fun that night dancing and ‘lepak-ing’ on the sofa much later…tired. I danced with leng chai (handsome) Joo from Tech Support. Jamie asked if my ex is my bf. At first I told her no, later she asked again coz Jethro told her we are couple. I had to tell her, he’s my ex. She apologized. I told her it was ok. Later she introduced me to her friend, Rocky (what a name! I thought only exists in movie). She told me he said I look cute. (Cute ? Hello, I am 29 soon). She took my number before we parted. I had a great time.

On the way back, we saw a car overturned near Island Hospital. Not sure what happened to the passengers/driver as there wasn’t anyone inside but as usual, a lot of KPCs surrounding the car.
Reached home 4am…thought maybe can skip washing wear since already late…but the smell of cigarettes too strong, shampooed my hair anyway…still got smell…dun care liao…slept..mind still active, dreamt…could still hear the loud music going in my mind…

Feb 4 – Welcome Rooster Year!

1st month of Rooster year, Feb 4th – March 5th. It was said if your first day goes well…then whole year will be smooth. Thank God, my first day went well. I had good time talking to Jen/Claire/YN/Sui Eh/Alvin/Albert and Victor (who used to tease me over my Estee Lauder Beautiful perfume – he would make this gesture that the fragrance is very refreshing whenever I passed by). We had dinner at Chill Up, accompanied by live band…so we were practically shouting to beat the loud singing…pai seh ah. 10.30pm, we parted…how I wish we could stay longer…but some were tired and some gotta work next day.

Later I was updating my blog, chatting with my new pal, Vincent and SMS-ing my ex.

I SMSed
04-02-05 11:35pm Fri
Albert confirmed that the position was filled.
Thanks for your help anyway.


He SMSed
04-02-05 11:37:13pm Fri
I see. But keep ur
Finger cross lo

I SMSed
04-02-05 11:38pm Fri
Hope so. Let me know if got other positions.

He SMSed
04-02-05 11:40:14pm Fri
Ok.. Sure :-)

I SMSed
04-02-05 11:42pm Fri
Mervyn asked me to go dinner n movie tomolo. Think I should go ?


He SMSed
04-02-05 11:44:55pm Fri
Go lo.. But if u
afraid of
misunderstanding,
then tell him first
lo

I SMSed
04-02-05 11:46pm Fri
He said he miss me. Not sure if good idea.

He SMSed
04-02-05 11:53:34pm Fri
I see. Tomoro i
might go back to
office lo..


I SMSed
04-02-05 11:54pm Fri
Hey, my colleague asked me go SS tomolo.


He SMSed
04-02-05 11:55:33pm Fri
I see.. Enjoy urself
ya.. :-)

I SMSed
04-02-05 11:56pm Fri
U guys going down? Which pub?


He SMSed
04-02-05 11:57:52pm Fri
Not sure lo…
Nobody said
Anything yet.. U
Know la.. There all
Last min, if got,
Most prob is glo lo

I SMSed
04-02-05 11:58pm Fri
Can tumpang if u go SS or Glo?

He SMSed
04-02-05 11:59:55pm Fri
Ok. Sure

I SMSed
05-02-05 12:00am Sat
Thanks. Have a good rest. Me still online kao chai.

He SMSed
05-02-05 12:04:06am Sat
Ok la. Goodnite.

Feb 4 - Aiya ! Wasted my effort

I was almost done updating my blog when my page suddenly gone...boo hoo ~~!!
I installed Yahoo...then suddenly my blog page replaced....back button also no use !!

I guess I will update some other time. Short summary :
I just wanna say I had a great day today. Enjoyed the dinner with my ex-colleagues.
My ex called me from his office updating me about my application - too bad position filled.
Later at home, we exchanged few SMS.

Oh...in case you wonder...I am ok, better...and not sad anymore. I guess the 'wall' I built within myself is quite strong at the moment. Hehehe...ok...gotta go. Have to go help dad shift the big table downstairs.

Have a nice weekend all.

Feb 3 - I called my Ex

He called
03-02-05 10:38:42pm Thurs
I was reading some blogs after my shower when my hp rang, nope, not the familiar tone from his hp, so it could be anyone. My heart skipped a beat or two when I saw this blinking on my hp “Ex’s Home”.

Calmly I answered the phone :

Me : Hello…

Ex : Ha…er…yr resume u forwarded to me this afternoon, I haven’t have the time to key in for Friends for Hire yet.

Me : Ok, do u know who is the reporting manager ?

Ex : Yap, it’s H…., but I dunno her, it’s a newly setup team.

Me : Please try to do it ASAP. I am interested in this position.

Ex : I was very busy…I’ll see how, if tomorrow still busy, I will just forward to her first.

Me : Ok…thanks…by…

Ex : Er…will try to do it for u…yr resume so long…

Me : Ok, if u really busy, then I can mail directly to HR…

Ex : I’ll let u know by tomorrow.

Me : Ok thanks.

Ex : Ok….ok la…emm….bye.

Me : Ok, bye…

*** Silence for 5 seconds *** I dun usually hang up…even from beginning, when we dated, I always let him hang up coz I want to hear his voice as long as possible.

Me : Hello ?

Ex : Ha….oh…ok, bye.

Me : Bye.

Dun worry, I did not cry…in fact I did not feel anything. So, I continue to multi-task between reading other’s blog, laughing at times and writing this blog now.PS : LX fetched me back from work at 8pm. I am still so full with the Duck Rice near my house. Called dad…ok, he wants Aki’s pancake. LX told me to sleep earlier and not simply think…he then went for his badminton. Oh…American Idol is on now, repeat one…Dad calling me…gotta go.

Feb 2 - Letting Go

I waited for Soo Fong till 7pm, she was in discussion with her team and boss. I told her, we will discuss only tomorrow since it was already late. I stayed till 7.30pm...just as I was about to leave, big boss came back from his gym. I told him my situation. He said ok, can update him by Friday. As if it's gonna make any difference, still around 1900++ items.

Dun care la. LX fetched me, we had dinner at Taman Pekaka there. The place reminded me of my ex. He usually brings me there...sometimes for the Tao Foo Fah (soya bean curd). After dinner, LX drove along near my house...I guess he didn't want to send me back yet...well, I didn't feel like going home too.
We went to sit near at the field near my house.
I started talking...telling him almost everything. Tears which I had bottlep up since morning flowed freely onto my blouse. He rushed to his car to get me some tissues. He continued to listen while I shed more tears. I felt bad for having to do this, crying over another guy in front of a guy who loves me. I am touched and surprised at the same time. He appeared understanding...listening and consoling me at times...a shoulder to cry on. I told LX it's so difficult, I couldn't cry at home as I do not want my dad to know...to worry abt me. I guess my tears finally stopped after almost an hour.
I told LX I am not going to call my ex and will see how long it takes for him to call...maybe never.

As I started to calm down...my ex called me.

He called
02-02-05 10:16:11pm Wed

Me : Hello ?

Ex : Wait ah wait ah...(can hear some noise in the background)...Sorry...i was testing my speaker phone....huh...say la....

Me : Huh ? U call me wor...u ask me to say...er....?

Ex : Oh...no la, yesterday I promised to call u back...so...now I call u back lo.

Me : I thought everything that's needed to be said was done.

Ex : Ok, emm....so...u've eaten and everything kao tim ?

Me : I had dinner earlier....

** Silence **

Ex : Ok, I am about to sleep, so that's why I call u earlier...

Me : Ok...

Ex : Em..Ok la...nothing liao la...

Me : Ok...bye..

Ex : Em...ok, bye.

LX asked is it because he was around, that I talked in that way...I said no, I just dun feel like asking or talking more with my ex.
We continued to sit there talking, shoo-ing mosquitoes every now and then....till 11pm.

I felt better. Back home...called PL as I promised coz I fly her aeroplane again...didn't feel like going out. Talked on the phone...consoling her...she's sad abt her interview. Hmm...so difficult....myself already depressed...but I still need to play my part as best friend. Maybe this is what God wants me to do, to keep me busy as well. Then, my sis called...she was concerned. Told her I am ok...really...I guess I am learning to let go...slowly...

Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.

6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Feb 1 & 2 - Stabbed deeply

11.30pm I receieved a call from G, ex-colleague. He said he couldn't sleep if he did not tell me. He saw my ex with a girl at Island Plaza, around 8 something. Questions playing in my mind, who is she...why they were together...I sent G a picture immediately from my PC so that he can help me identify if she is one of my ex's classmates. G was consoling me...but I couldn't compute a single word he said liao.
I thanked him for telling me.

I called
1-01-05 11:40:57pm Tues
I hesitated at first, but I was dying to find out. He was eating broth..sorethroat. Asked me if anything, I told him I need to talk. He said he would call back.
That 10 mins...like forever, almost unbearable. I kept telling myself to keep cool. But tears starting to form...

He called
1-01-05 11:51:47pm Tues
He called back. During the 34 mins of conversation, I cried and cried...I asked him why he did not want to even try to patch things up last time...why he makes me confused...
All the WHYs...i receive one clear answer...no more feelings...
He said he should've told me 2 weeks ago, that he was just concern as friend and afraid I would misunderstand. I dun wanna go in details abt what we talked then...it's useless liao.
Oh, he did said he was with a new girl from office...just going out, not sure if she likes him.
His battery almost dead, said will call me back.

He called
02-02-05 12:31:16am Wed
We continued talking for around 7mins. Funny isn't it ? LX loved me so much yet my heart is with my ex, but my ex's heart is not with me...we concluded that we are always searching for someone whom we can love more than the person loves us.
I even wished him all the best, may he find his true love and happiness.

I called
02-02-05 12:39:46am Wed - 5 mins 26 seconds.
Oh...I have to ask him this. I called him back....request for a favour. If he ever wants to come back...I want him to promise me to let me know...he promised...only if I am still single.

Then I laid on my bed...stared into darkness...i did not sleep much...
morning woke up...diarrhea...vomitted. I guess the sign of depression is back. It happended 5 months ago.

As if not suey enough, morning...before I login, big boss chased me for update, said by tomorrow.
Ya, later 10am got training, 3 - 5 pm, meeting. I have to stay back la today...booked Soo Fong to teach me.

I will learn to let go bit by bit...but i still pray to God that some day my ex will come back to me. I will be fine...to all my friends...sis...thanks for your support. I am fine...just let me rot for few days, I will be able to pick myself up again...I am an Aries la...so no worries.
God Bless U all.

Feb 1 - 2 days liao...he dun bother liao

Morning morning...big boss came over to my place asking for update on the shitty cleanup. I told him frankly I still have not finished and alot dunno. He said can ask him anytime...ya right...like I can ask him 2000 times for those 2000 ++ items ! I took the chance to ask him if I am under Tony...he said yes, and to my question why Zul has no idea...he said...this one no worries...we will make the necessary arrangement.
What arrangement ? Everything was arranged regardless I or my boss agree or not !!

Then...suddenly, another colleague came over...asked me to go join some newer staff for short training. Eh ? What's this ? Shiok-shiok training eh...so I told Joanne I can only go over her cube after lunch. I passed her the list of requests Julianna handed over yesterday. Luckily Joanne helped me to follow up...really appreciate...guess she is the angel God sent me.

Today lunch, not much mood to eat, just one bun I brought from house...and of coz, my beloved Nescafe. Yep, I brought the whole big bottle of Nescafe Gold to office. My colleagues were astonished abt me bringing my nescafe to office. And they acted like I am some kind of weirdo for putting a small size (about 7 inches tall) doggy soft toy on my table. Ala...my previous company, we were like in some kind of competition who has the most soft toys/flowers on the cube.
What ? Cannot decorate my table is it? Theirs so bored, so clean, not even a pen lying around. I dun care, I put all my stationeries on my desk...they even asked if I am not afraid that my stuff get stolen...huh ? Pens/pencils nya wor ? U think those ah yee who cleans ur floor and dustbin so cheapskate meh ? Siao man....

I continued my stupid job cleaning shit after lunch..still frustrated over job and over my ex. Around 4pm, LX SMSed me if I want him to fetch me back...I replied him no need la, my dad will fetch me and buy me dinner.
Better not meet him to often la...later he put too high hopes, like what I did for my ex.
So...it's about 49 hours...my ex did not bother calling...perhaps he is heaving great sigh of relief ler.

Jan 31 - Kicked around

I was already in a very bad mood since morning...still sad and i hate my job.
Many times...I felt like crying, but I did not la.

LX fetched me out for lunch. Today he still off. He will start new job tomorrow. He asked me to accompany him to buy shoes and slack after work...ok...since I got nothing to do, I agreed.

Today, Juliana's last day...she also very busy...too busy to pass things over to me till 3.30pm...rush thru her pending tasks (God bless me la...i dunno how to do). And I was still working on that 2000++ items left, stupid clean up.

As if not enough shit...4pm, Tony asked me to join in his team to discuss about CNY leave, who backup who. When my turn, I said I am not taking leave (gotta save for my graduation in April)...so asked who I can backup. I told him I am currently helping Yoot Wah (under Zul - my direct boss), Chin Keow, Joanne & also taking over from Juliana (these 3 under Tony)...plus big boss' shitty clean up project. To my horror rather than surprise, Tony said I dun have to backup Yoot Wah as I am now under him (Tony) 100% (he stressed the word 100%). Walaueh...effective when ? Really f**k la ! I kept my cool and asked "Oh...really?". Tony : Yes, big boss already knows and approved. (Hmm...how about Zul?)

I waited for Zul to come back...spoke to him...

Me : Zul, can spare few minutes?
Zul : Yes, of coz...anything?
Me : Well...I just came back from Tony's cube...he mentioned that I am now 100% under him and I do not have
to back up YW.
Zul : Huh ? really ?! How come I dunno wan ?
Me : Mmm...I am not sure, that is why I am checking with u
Zul : Wow...let me check with big boss...so who will u be helping...
I listed the names above....
Zul : Waa...pity u lo...

Matha focker...I am so disappointed with the management...no communications man ! As if not enough, Tony asked me to go his place again...showed and briefed me the Qtr's plans and objectives....so damn kiasu, so beh hu...celaka ! I tried not to look at his mouth...when he talks...saliva accumulated and small bubbles collect at the side of his lips....eweee ~~!! I was thinking inside...I dun care the shit...I will be gone soon !!
Please please...I need a new job badly !!

Accompanied LX shopping till 10pm ! My feet damn tired...on my heels some more...but I can say I enjoyed the time spent...he was understanding...he knows I am upset abt my job and my ex. Went to have drinks after that...so by the time I showered...washed clothes...sudah 11.30pm...

Now almost 12.30am...not sure if I still wanna eat the koay kak dad tah pao for me...see how la.
Oh...my ex did not call and I didn't call him. But i know he checked his office mails at around 4pm although he was on leave...I sent him some forwarded mails.

I am better now...trying hard not to think...although I am still upset la...but better, really...ok ciao...dun think I have time to update tomorrow...God Bless me and U all !