May 25 – Complicated relationship

It has been pretty ‘peaceful’ at work for 2 days. Thank God for answering my prayers. How I wish it’s always like that. I actually get to formulate my working file so it’s easier to just dump my data in and have my report done faster.

I even had the time to go listen on the Medical Health Talk (follow up from last month’s blood/urine test). I asked the doc on my Rheumatoid Factor – he said my case very serious, should go see specialist….ya, but tomorrow Meow’s working, so had to postpone again. Hopefully next week able to make it, the pain is getting worse. I can almost predict rain…I told Gigi and Lay Leng…they perli me…asked if it was raining in KL…teng !

Gavin’s in Bangkok, Chris on MC…I was debating whether to skip lunch, buy bun or go eat at cafeteria….luckily….Gigi accompanied me…so I packed lunch and ate at her place…it was great to catch up a little.
Back to my place, I continued my report, relaxed a while, even had the time to go chat with W.Shan, Albert and Anthony L. I offered to help Eugene (my cube mate) some Excel skills on his report. He is a temp on 3 months training. Was half way helping Eugene when someone smacked my back (upper of coz). Turned around…hmmm….my god-bro bullied me again. Jason was standing next to him….makes me wonder if god-bro is his partner in crime ? I forgot to ask Jason about that.

Saw the photos sis sent….Ryan is growing up fast…he got cute sexy lips. :)

I left early today…felt nice for a change compared to last week. On the way out, I saw my ex…he looked busy. Told me he’s going for movie date with C.M.Ling. Well, what else can I say other than “enjoy yourselves”. Part of me was like, why u tell me? I dun wanna know what u do or where u go with that bitch….but yet another part was dying to know…sigh ! Why is it so hard….so damn hard to let go totally? It’s not that I dun love Meow…it’s very difficult to explain exactly how I am feeling…I guess it’s b’coz I cannot accept the fact he’s choosing her with all those personalities/habits which he used to blacklist ! Maybe I will be ok if my ex turns gay!

Had dinner at Taman Pekaka, Meow was still full, he has badminton later, so he didn’t eat. I kind of unhappy he chose to go for badminton tonight…to me, Fri night is most relaxing…should go for date / enjoy…another reason is….i know he will break his promise again….which he did. I am so disappointed…I dun wanna say more.

Lately I have mixed feelings…sometime I feel guilty when I looked at Meow…I just wish I can erase my memory on my unhappiness. Why must my life be so complicated? I read abt love…P.Lin sent me….there was one line which says “Dun marry someone u can live with, but marry someone u can’t live without”….that made me ponder…can I live without Meow ? I knew I couldn’t live without ex….for Meow, I am still discovering….our relationship still young I guess. I need a lot of convincing from him…maybe…after a terrible pain…I am more demanding now. I want lotsa love, commitment, security…almost every day I would ask Meow if he loves me…I know he gets frustrated…I can’t help it…coz I am not convinced…perhaps it’s off peak now and he pays more attention to his games…that reminded me of my ex…so end up feeling upset or moody. Do all guys behave like that ? In the first few months….things were great…then later…pattern/colour comes out liao….women no longer treated like Queen liao. Men switch to King’s mode. Maybe it’s better to stay single…less problem.

Waa…3am soon, better go sleep. Will post this on Sat coz I dun have streamyx at home.