Feb 6 – 1st Ex is back

Morning…P. Lin and Rani SMSed me…then Sako calld me, later LX called me (he asked if I wanna have lunch, I said I was too sleepy)…so my sleep was interrupted. Headache…by 1pm, I decided to give up sleeping.

Heated the nasi lemak dad bought me yesterday…The rest of the afternoon, I had to do my bit of house cleaning…otherwise, I will seem like like very ‘pat-hou’ daughter. : P
Washed the vases and little décor stuff from the cupboard downstairs, then had some muscle building exercise when I took out the cushion covers from the old cushions…u know la, have to pushed the two edges together before I managed to pull the cover out.

LX called me to confirm dinner around 7.30pm. Slong is back from Shanghai. I watched TV - 100% Feel (Cantonese), felt sad coz it looks like my love life. But at least Sammi get back together with Ekin in the end.

7.30pm, I was ready waiting as they said wanna meet at my house…15 mins passed, still no one…LX called. Said cannot find Slong. I called Slong’s sister. Aha…she said he’s in toilet. Duh !! He is always late. Tried calling LX, engaged. Then I called my ex telling him it’s gonna be around 8.30pm instead. He was quite furious. He was nearby my house on the way back from Prangin Mall (later he told me he went to have his specs adjusted). He said if like that then he may not want to go out again later as it will be quite jam from his place. I suggested for him to pick me up first since he’s nearby…next thing I know, he was in front of my house. We went to the Food court nearby for iced tea. Slong called back…I asked him to move his butt over ASAP. Then I called LX, telling him we managed to reach the ‘Pig’ and he would be coming over. LX will call Eric.

Waited a long time for dinner (choo-char) but worth the wait. Food is good…it’s at the coffee shop near PBB at P. Jerjak. Slong looks thinner and he brought along Grace. Later LX told me that they are still together. After dinner, LX walked away to his car, I thought Eric came with him, but nope. So, I asked my ex to drop me home.
I had a feeling LX was upset coz I followed my ex’s car. I was right, I called LX later. He was crying. Spent about half over…talking…er…actually nothing to talk…more like consoling him…dunno la.

My dad’s gf called. Talked for awhile…sounds like she knows what happened coz she asked me not to feel too sad. Must be my sis told her something.

Tomorrow gotta work, sien la….

Feb 5 – Surprised! He asked me out for dinner

Had lunch with LX. He called me from Shirin’s home. Ya…her tmnet line got problem…and she had no one else to call but LX. Whatever la…I asked LX to have lunch with her…but he didn’t want. Ok, so we went to BJ. Had McD, I know…fattening food…aiya…once in a while ok kua. Then, Coffee Bean.
Dunno what came over me…I asked LX if he wanted to go in the house. I gave him some mangoes. He checked the tmnet settings on my pc.
I let him kissed and hugged me. Only for today. I missed him actually. But I told him that I dun want him to have any false expectations as I am emotionally unstable and confused. He said he just misses me too much.

Later dinner…he put his hand on my shoulder, neck when walking. I told him not to do that in public…he said he dun care…hmmm….(but I do leh

He Called
05-02-05 8:43:03pm Sat
What a surprised. He was driving, just took his new glasses from Prangin Mall. Said he wanna eat the Duck Rice near my house. Actually I just reached home not long ago and was about to shower. So, I told him I need about 15mins. He said he will wait for me.

I did not eat as I had curry fish with LX earlier. At first I wonder why he asked me out again as he was so afraid that I might misunderstand. Then, I saw his new specs…yes, the second specs he went to make, which he did not want to explain when I asked. Now, I know why he asked me…I thought to myself…he was excited about his new D&G trendy specs…and he wanted my opinion or perhaps ‘approval’ or compliments. RM 500. Wow…nowadays, he really ‘invest’ on his looks.

I commented it looks nice, he seems to have been influenced by his bro and his brother’s friends, yet I still feel to urge to slap him, hahaa.

Cheok called him, wanna go Glo. My ex asked if my colleagues confirmed going down to SS (which is next to Glo). I said most likely. He dropped me home first, then to join Cheok for drinks at another coffee shop, also near my house. I SMSed Rani to ask if she was on her way, how many ppl. She replied on the way, 3 of them, Then I called P.Lin no answer. SMSed her is she wanted to join….no reply. !). LX called me later and asked if I am going out, I said yes. He asked me not to go till so late…but with who…that he did not ask, which is good.


He called
05-02-05 10:49:45pm Sat
He called to inform Cheok will fetch him at 11pm, then pick me up.

I joined my ex and ex-colleagues at Glo since Rani still have not replied. Joined Jethro’s friends, Jamie – she’s sweet (she thought I am 22!!), we clicked immediately. Then, a guy, about my ex’s height, Jason, cool looking. Doesn’t dance much, smokes a lot, was abit quiet. Did talked a bit with him. I talked more to Cheok. He told me about his gf, just broke off too. I told him how I felt about my ex. He was nice, he consoled me. He said he will help me find out. He asked for my number.

I had fun that night dancing and ‘lepak-ing’ on the sofa much later…tired. I danced with leng chai (handsome) Joo from Tech Support. Jamie asked if my ex is my bf. At first I told her no, later she asked again coz Jethro told her we are couple. I had to tell her, he’s my ex. She apologized. I told her it was ok. Later she introduced me to her friend, Rocky (what a name! I thought only exists in movie). She told me he said I look cute. (Cute ? Hello, I am 29 soon). She took my number before we parted. I had a great time.

On the way back, we saw a car overturned near Island Hospital. Not sure what happened to the passengers/driver as there wasn’t anyone inside but as usual, a lot of KPCs surrounding the car.
Reached home 4am…thought maybe can skip washing wear since already late…but the smell of cigarettes too strong, shampooed my hair anyway…still got smell…dun care liao…slept..mind still active, dreamt…could still hear the loud music going in my mind…

Feb 4 – Welcome Rooster Year!

1st month of Rooster year, Feb 4th – March 5th. It was said if your first day goes well…then whole year will be smooth. Thank God, my first day went well. I had good time talking to Jen/Claire/YN/Sui Eh/Alvin/Albert and Victor (who used to tease me over my Estee Lauder Beautiful perfume – he would make this gesture that the fragrance is very refreshing whenever I passed by). We had dinner at Chill Up, accompanied by live band…so we were practically shouting to beat the loud singing…pai seh ah. 10.30pm, we parted…how I wish we could stay longer…but some were tired and some gotta work next day.

Later I was updating my blog, chatting with my new pal, Vincent and SMS-ing my ex.

I SMSed
04-02-05 11:35pm Fri
Albert confirmed that the position was filled.
Thanks for your help anyway.


He SMSed
04-02-05 11:37:13pm Fri
I see. But keep ur
Finger cross lo

I SMSed
04-02-05 11:38pm Fri
Hope so. Let me know if got other positions.

He SMSed
04-02-05 11:40:14pm Fri
Ok.. Sure :-)

I SMSed
04-02-05 11:42pm Fri
Mervyn asked me to go dinner n movie tomolo. Think I should go ?


He SMSed
04-02-05 11:44:55pm Fri
Go lo.. But if u
afraid of
misunderstanding,
then tell him first
lo

I SMSed
04-02-05 11:46pm Fri
He said he miss me. Not sure if good idea.

He SMSed
04-02-05 11:53:34pm Fri
I see. Tomoro i
might go back to
office lo..


I SMSed
04-02-05 11:54pm Fri
Hey, my colleague asked me go SS tomolo.


He SMSed
04-02-05 11:55:33pm Fri
I see.. Enjoy urself
ya.. :-)

I SMSed
04-02-05 11:56pm Fri
U guys going down? Which pub?


He SMSed
04-02-05 11:57:52pm Fri
Not sure lo…
Nobody said
Anything yet.. U
Know la.. There all
Last min, if got,
Most prob is glo lo

I SMSed
04-02-05 11:58pm Fri
Can tumpang if u go SS or Glo?

He SMSed
04-02-05 11:59:55pm Fri
Ok. Sure

I SMSed
05-02-05 12:00am Sat
Thanks. Have a good rest. Me still online kao chai.

He SMSed
05-02-05 12:04:06am Sat
Ok la. Goodnite.

Feb 4 - Aiya ! Wasted my effort

I was almost done updating my blog when my page suddenly gone...boo hoo ~~!!
I installed Yahoo...then suddenly my blog page replaced....back button also no use !!

I guess I will update some other time. Short summary :
I just wanna say I had a great day today. Enjoyed the dinner with my ex-colleagues.
My ex called me from his office updating me about my application - too bad position filled.
Later at home, we exchanged few SMS.

Oh...in case you wonder...I am ok, better...and not sad anymore. I guess the 'wall' I built within myself is quite strong at the moment. Hehehe...ok...gotta go. Have to go help dad shift the big table downstairs.

Have a nice weekend all.

Feb 3 - I called my Ex

He called
03-02-05 10:38:42pm Thurs
I was reading some blogs after my shower when my hp rang, nope, not the familiar tone from his hp, so it could be anyone. My heart skipped a beat or two when I saw this blinking on my hp “Ex’s Home”.

Calmly I answered the phone :

Me : Hello…

Ex : Ha…er…yr resume u forwarded to me this afternoon, I haven’t have the time to key in for Friends for Hire yet.

Me : Ok, do u know who is the reporting manager ?

Ex : Yap, it’s H…., but I dunno her, it’s a newly setup team.

Me : Please try to do it ASAP. I am interested in this position.

Ex : I was very busy…I’ll see how, if tomorrow still busy, I will just forward to her first.

Me : Ok…thanks…by…

Ex : Er…will try to do it for u…yr resume so long…

Me : Ok, if u really busy, then I can mail directly to HR…

Ex : I’ll let u know by tomorrow.

Me : Ok thanks.

Ex : Ok….ok la…emm….bye.

Me : Ok, bye…

*** Silence for 5 seconds *** I dun usually hang up…even from beginning, when we dated, I always let him hang up coz I want to hear his voice as long as possible.

Me : Hello ?

Ex : Ha….oh…ok, bye.

Me : Bye.

Dun worry, I did not cry…in fact I did not feel anything. So, I continue to multi-task between reading other’s blog, laughing at times and writing this blog now.PS : LX fetched me back from work at 8pm. I am still so full with the Duck Rice near my house. Called dad…ok, he wants Aki’s pancake. LX told me to sleep earlier and not simply think…he then went for his badminton. Oh…American Idol is on now, repeat one…Dad calling me…gotta go.

Feb 2 - Letting Go

I waited for Soo Fong till 7pm, she was in discussion with her team and boss. I told her, we will discuss only tomorrow since it was already late. I stayed till 7.30pm...just as I was about to leave, big boss came back from his gym. I told him my situation. He said ok, can update him by Friday. As if it's gonna make any difference, still around 1900++ items.

Dun care la. LX fetched me, we had dinner at Taman Pekaka there. The place reminded me of my ex. He usually brings me there...sometimes for the Tao Foo Fah (soya bean curd). After dinner, LX drove along near my house...I guess he didn't want to send me back yet...well, I didn't feel like going home too.
We went to sit near at the field near my house.
I started talking...telling him almost everything. Tears which I had bottlep up since morning flowed freely onto my blouse. He rushed to his car to get me some tissues. He continued to listen while I shed more tears. I felt bad for having to do this, crying over another guy in front of a guy who loves me. I am touched and surprised at the same time. He appeared understanding...listening and consoling me at times...a shoulder to cry on. I told LX it's so difficult, I couldn't cry at home as I do not want my dad to know...to worry abt me. I guess my tears finally stopped after almost an hour.
I told LX I am not going to call my ex and will see how long it takes for him to call...maybe never.

As I started to calm down...my ex called me.

He called
02-02-05 10:16:11pm Wed

Me : Hello ?

Ex : Wait ah wait ah...(can hear some noise in the background)...Sorry...i was testing my speaker phone....huh...say la....

Me : Huh ? U call me wor...u ask me to say...er....?

Ex : Oh...no la, yesterday I promised to call u back...so...now I call u back lo.

Me : I thought everything that's needed to be said was done.

Ex : Ok, emm....so...u've eaten and everything kao tim ?

Me : I had dinner earlier....

** Silence **

Ex : Ok, I am about to sleep, so that's why I call u earlier...

Me : Ok...

Ex : Em..Ok la...nothing liao la...

Me : Ok...bye..

Ex : Em...ok, bye.

LX asked is it because he was around, that I talked in that way...I said no, I just dun feel like asking or talking more with my ex.
We continued to sit there talking, shoo-ing mosquitoes every now and then....till 11pm.

I felt better. Back home...called PL as I promised coz I fly her aeroplane again...didn't feel like going out. Talked on the phone...consoling her...she's sad abt her interview. Hmm...so difficult....myself already depressed...but I still need to play my part as best friend. Maybe this is what God wants me to do, to keep me busy as well. Then, my sis called...she was concerned. Told her I am ok...really...I guess I am learning to let go...slowly...

Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.

6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Feb 1 & 2 - Stabbed deeply

11.30pm I receieved a call from G, ex-colleague. He said he couldn't sleep if he did not tell me. He saw my ex with a girl at Island Plaza, around 8 something. Questions playing in my mind, who is she...why they were together...I sent G a picture immediately from my PC so that he can help me identify if she is one of my ex's classmates. G was consoling me...but I couldn't compute a single word he said liao.
I thanked him for telling me.

I called
1-01-05 11:40:57pm Tues
I hesitated at first, but I was dying to find out. He was eating broth..sorethroat. Asked me if anything, I told him I need to talk. He said he would call back.
That 10 mins...like forever, almost unbearable. I kept telling myself to keep cool. But tears starting to form...

He called
1-01-05 11:51:47pm Tues
He called back. During the 34 mins of conversation, I cried and cried...I asked him why he did not want to even try to patch things up last time...why he makes me confused...
All the WHYs...i receive one clear answer...no more feelings...
He said he should've told me 2 weeks ago, that he was just concern as friend and afraid I would misunderstand. I dun wanna go in details abt what we talked then...it's useless liao.
Oh, he did said he was with a new girl from office...just going out, not sure if she likes him.
His battery almost dead, said will call me back.

He called
02-02-05 12:31:16am Wed
We continued talking for around 7mins. Funny isn't it ? LX loved me so much yet my heart is with my ex, but my ex's heart is not with me...we concluded that we are always searching for someone whom we can love more than the person loves us.
I even wished him all the best, may he find his true love and happiness.

I called
02-02-05 12:39:46am Wed - 5 mins 26 seconds.
Oh...I have to ask him this. I called him back....request for a favour. If he ever wants to come back...I want him to promise me to let me know...he promised...only if I am still single.

Then I laid on my bed...stared into darkness...i did not sleep much...
morning woke up...diarrhea...vomitted. I guess the sign of depression is back. It happended 5 months ago.

As if not suey enough, morning...before I login, big boss chased me for update, said by tomorrow.
Ya, later 10am got training, 3 - 5 pm, meeting. I have to stay back la today...booked Soo Fong to teach me.

I will learn to let go bit by bit...but i still pray to God that some day my ex will come back to me. I will be fine...to all my friends...sis...thanks for your support. I am fine...just let me rot for few days, I will be able to pick myself up again...I am an Aries la...so no worries.
God Bless U all.

Feb 1 - 2 days liao...he dun bother liao

Morning morning...big boss came over to my place asking for update on the shitty cleanup. I told him frankly I still have not finished and alot dunno. He said can ask him anytime...ya right...like I can ask him 2000 times for those 2000 ++ items ! I took the chance to ask him if I am under Tony...he said yes, and to my question why Zul has no idea...he said...this one no worries...we will make the necessary arrangement.
What arrangement ? Everything was arranged regardless I or my boss agree or not !!

Then...suddenly, another colleague came over...asked me to go join some newer staff for short training. Eh ? What's this ? Shiok-shiok training eh...so I told Joanne I can only go over her cube after lunch. I passed her the list of requests Julianna handed over yesterday. Luckily Joanne helped me to follow up...really appreciate...guess she is the angel God sent me.

Today lunch, not much mood to eat, just one bun I brought from house...and of coz, my beloved Nescafe. Yep, I brought the whole big bottle of Nescafe Gold to office. My colleagues were astonished abt me bringing my nescafe to office. And they acted like I am some kind of weirdo for putting a small size (about 7 inches tall) doggy soft toy on my table. Ala...my previous company, we were like in some kind of competition who has the most soft toys/flowers on the cube.
What ? Cannot decorate my table is it? Theirs so bored, so clean, not even a pen lying around. I dun care, I put all my stationeries on my desk...they even asked if I am not afraid that my stuff get stolen...huh ? Pens/pencils nya wor ? U think those ah yee who cleans ur floor and dustbin so cheapskate meh ? Siao man....

I continued my stupid job cleaning shit after lunch..still frustrated over job and over my ex. Around 4pm, LX SMSed me if I want him to fetch me back...I replied him no need la, my dad will fetch me and buy me dinner.
Better not meet him to often la...later he put too high hopes, like what I did for my ex.
So...it's about 49 hours...my ex did not bother calling...perhaps he is heaving great sigh of relief ler.

Jan 31 - Kicked around

I was already in a very bad mood since morning...still sad and i hate my job.
Many times...I felt like crying, but I did not la.

LX fetched me out for lunch. Today he still off. He will start new job tomorrow. He asked me to accompany him to buy shoes and slack after work...ok...since I got nothing to do, I agreed.

Today, Juliana's last day...she also very busy...too busy to pass things over to me till 3.30pm...rush thru her pending tasks (God bless me la...i dunno how to do). And I was still working on that 2000++ items left, stupid clean up.

As if not enough shit...4pm, Tony asked me to join in his team to discuss about CNY leave, who backup who. When my turn, I said I am not taking leave (gotta save for my graduation in April)...so asked who I can backup. I told him I am currently helping Yoot Wah (under Zul - my direct boss), Chin Keow, Joanne & also taking over from Juliana (these 3 under Tony)...plus big boss' shitty clean up project. To my horror rather than surprise, Tony said I dun have to backup Yoot Wah as I am now under him (Tony) 100% (he stressed the word 100%). Walaueh...effective when ? Really f**k la ! I kept my cool and asked "Oh...really?". Tony : Yes, big boss already knows and approved. (Hmm...how about Zul?)

I waited for Zul to come back...spoke to him...

Me : Zul, can spare few minutes?
Zul : Yes, of coz...anything?
Me : Well...I just came back from Tony's cube...he mentioned that I am now 100% under him and I do not have
to back up YW.
Zul : Huh ? really ?! How come I dunno wan ?
Me : Mmm...I am not sure, that is why I am checking with u
Zul : Wow...let me check with big boss...so who will u be helping...
I listed the names above....
Zul : Waa...pity u lo...

Matha focker...I am so disappointed with the management...no communications man ! As if not enough, Tony asked me to go his place again...showed and briefed me the Qtr's plans and objectives....so damn kiasu, so beh hu...celaka ! I tried not to look at his mouth...when he talks...saliva accumulated and small bubbles collect at the side of his lips....eweee ~~!! I was thinking inside...I dun care the shit...I will be gone soon !!
Please please...I need a new job badly !!

Accompanied LX shopping till 10pm ! My feet damn tired...on my heels some more...but I can say I enjoyed the time spent...he was understanding...he knows I am upset abt my job and my ex. Went to have drinks after that...so by the time I showered...washed clothes...sudah 11.30pm...

Now almost 12.30am...not sure if I still wanna eat the koay kak dad tah pao for me...see how la.
Oh...my ex did not call and I didn't call him. But i know he checked his office mails at around 4pm although he was on leave...I sent him some forwarded mails.

I am better now...trying hard not to think...although I am still upset la...but better, really...ok ciao...dun think I have time to update tomorrow...God Bless me and U all !