Yesterday after dinner, went to my bf's place. I was reading the Chinese Horoscope, it mentioned something about Dragon being too busy with career and affecting relationhip. So, I jokingly told him that we should separate now before it's too late. Then, I asked if he will still fetch me if we are no longer together, how abt I hire him ? He said anything I want...that time he was still ok. But I went on telling him I was serious. He then kept quiet and went to sleep (as usual, he sleeps when he's sad/angry).
He fetched me back around 11.30pm, we didn't go for supper. He was quiet, only responded when I call him or talk to him, but didn't talk....it was just "hmmm....yes, no, not angry...."
Well, I can understand his pain...I know how hurt he is but I try not to think. I know he did cry but not in front of me...I kind of appreciate him for not crying in front of me coz I know and maybe he knows I will go soft again...then it will be back to Square 1. I know he is a very good guy, but it's me...I cannot love him completely, not now at least, but I dun wanna lie to him or hold him...told him I do love him. He said he knows.
1am, I haven't changed yet, my beloved sis called from Canada, spoke to my dad, then I talked to her. She wants to try selling fried chicken...which is good. I am happy for her, at least she can do something she likes there. It's gonna be special chicken to the Ah Mos.
I called my bf (not sure if should still call him my bf now), he sounded the same, like before he sent me home. He was sniffing now and then...I guess he cried. I wish him goodnite. Then, I SMSed my ex to tell him abt my break (I know I should not inform, but I just feel I need to).
I SMSed
21-01-05 01:00am
R u asleep?
He SMSed
21-01-05 01:03:16am
Starting to.. y
I called him. He was quite concern how my bf felt...he listened for awhile before I wish him goodnite and wash my clothes. Shit, I sleep late again, around 2.30am !
This morning, I called my bf (maybe later I will call him my LX - Latest eX) to check how he is. He sounded ok. Then I was already busy at my new mentor's (Chin Keow) place.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Jan 10 - He misses me AGAIN ?
He SMSed
10-01-2005 9:59:46pm
I was talking to Peck Lin on the phone when I heard a "toot" indicating a SMS came in. I plucked in my ear set so as I can continue talking to her while retrieving my SMS. Dunno why, during that few seconds, my instinct told me, it should be from my ex. Yes !! It was from him :)
He wrote :
Me going to makan
now. U want to join?
I am not sure if this is because he knows I am home already coz I was so excited about going back straight after dinner ( I made my bf dropped me home right after dinner with him, told him I was tired, really, I was tired and prefer not to lepak at his house - got bored I guess ). So, I called from my home to my ex's office. He picked up after a ring, told him I am so happy...he was curious. Told him abit abt what other ex (the one b4 this ex) said abt my bf always late to work and not showing desire to improve or work hard. Also, my other ex said it was a mistake to start too soon with my bf, and it was a mistake on top on a mistake coz they are all pals!! Duh ~~!!
I called
10-01-05 10:08:34pm
I was so excited, I told Peck Lin, she was understanding enough to let me go. So, I called my ex, trying not to sound excited of coz...asked where he is, he said he just changed into casual clothes and coming out from his house. He asked if I wanna eat, I 'hesitated' for a while (hehehe, have to act a bit ma), then appeared to be thinking...then I said "I ate quite early, ok la". He said coming over within 5 - 10 mins' time.
Cool ! I changed into my new jeans and black singlet top. When I went downstairs, he just arrived.
We went to town, somewhere near Sin Kim Sua ( i think ), ordered Char Hor Fun, he - Wan Tan Mee...both - nice. Was surprised when he left some of his for me and helped me eat mine (yeah, he still share my food !)
Then he was busy SMS-ing and also talking and listening to me most of the time. I asked how come he has so many SMS, he seems to be so bz with his phone. He replied, friends la....then later only he listed out Cheok, Kevin,... then I asked, no girls meh....he said, got la...
Then I joked that he did not SMS me...then he said "Got ah...just now ma si lo". Teng !!
He asked what time I eat usually...told him usually quite early, around 6pm. Then he asked if my bf will ask me for supper later. No la...he usually join his badminton friends. Hmm...I wonder whether he is updating his 'database' so as he can ask me out when he cannot find others....I perli him he only thought of me when he others are busy to join him. But he said "No ah, actually just now Kevin asked me to makan, but I purposely rejected him". Hmm....tell me, tell me....is this a good sign again ? He must've not realised he indirectly told me he prefers to go out with me !! Never mind, it's ok to pull my hopes higher once a while...i know i know, I might fall again...it's ok...let me feel the pleasure for a while la.
We then lepak till 11.30pm before leaving for HSBC. He withdrew money and we proceed to Citibank. I waited in the car. On the way back, he seems to be enjoying his loud rap music. He even offered to lend me the CD. Nah, I said I never liked these songs. Advised him to take care, he has been smoking second hand smoke alot lately since most of his Dell colleagues smoke and since he enjoys going pubbing...he said, so healthy for what ? Hmmm....then I asked, u are the one who told me to take care of my health too ma, then he said, u different ma, u are lady.
By 12.20am, I was back home. I secretly smile that he still waits till I finished locking my gate before he drove off. Oh...no one can understand how much happier I am. Yet, I feel so so bad for my bf...
I called
11-01-05 12:45:50am
Still in happy mood, I was humming a chinese song I remembered watching on Astro but dunno who the singer is and what song title, so I called my ex and hummed to him. But he has no idea...he asked me to hum again...I did but I think I couldn't get the tune right. He then mentioned he hasn't bathed yet coz was talking to his mom...so I wished him Good nite and put on my lotion and laze round till 1.30am. My bf finally called to report he was back from Badminton....I think I doze off at around 2am+ again.
Monday, January 10, 2005
Jan 9 - Waking up to reality
12.30pm, my bf called...lunch time...ok ok, had my shower and called him back, picked me up 10 mins later. We had KFC and then to Sunshine Square...he went to search for his 'corong' to pour his coolant for his car...while I shopped for blouse...later he joined me, I tried some jeans. I wanted to try more but I could see he's bored although he said it's ok. Went to grocery there, bought my toothbruch, cotton pads, Julie loveletters (to treat my colleages, pai seh, last week, they cook nasi lemak and treat me), some crackers.
I think I am over budget a bit since I bought quite alot yesterday. Also, gave Sako RM 300 for CNY ang pow.
By 3.10pm, back at my bf's place. He kacau me, tickling me...actually I feel irritated, told him not to...but he thought it was funny. I almost shouted my ex's name when I wanted to look serious and ask him to stop. OOppss...luckily I did not...but it wasn't the first occasion I had this tendency to call wrong names. Every time I am with my bf, a corner of my mind was playing thru some questions of whether I really love him. And another was telling me he treats me real nice...he gave me kisses on my cheeks, I did not feel anything....is this a bad sign ? So, I grabbed him and had kiss him on the lips...ok, I did feel something...but again...I wasn't sure was I imagining myself kissing my ex or it was just the joy of kissing someone ?? Duh !!! I am so confused...
Oh...yesterday, on the way to fetch his bro's fren, when it was still just me n my ex in the car, we were talking abt my relationship with my bf...i told him that my bf was being unreasonable when I told him I dun wanna use the toothbrush his sis used (only once) coz it's not good. My bf then said, oh...then how abt my 'there', since it's been used before, then u also 'hiam' is it ? I told my ex, actually I got 'hiam' lo. Then my ex asked me whether we have went into that stage in our relationship. I told him no. I could see he was eager to find out but I do not know for what reasons ? Is he considering me again ? I hope so !!
He went on saying, since I am in doubts, better not to go deeper as my bf will be very hurt. I just kept quiet...then we reached BJC...Kwan (his bro's fren stepped in. And the rest of the stories, I've written earlier.
5.30pm liao...ok, better stop la...need to rest and my bf should be back around 6.30pm from his badminton. Ok, shall update more next time....next time...hmm....will I be single...or still in this mess....or back with my ex ? Only God knows...I will seek His help ! God is always merciful and loving ! AMEN !
I think I am over budget a bit since I bought quite alot yesterday. Also, gave Sako RM 300 for CNY ang pow.
By 3.10pm, back at my bf's place. He kacau me, tickling me...actually I feel irritated, told him not to...but he thought it was funny. I almost shouted my ex's name when I wanted to look serious and ask him to stop. OOppss...luckily I did not...but it wasn't the first occasion I had this tendency to call wrong names. Every time I am with my bf, a corner of my mind was playing thru some questions of whether I really love him. And another was telling me he treats me real nice...he gave me kisses on my cheeks, I did not feel anything....is this a bad sign ? So, I grabbed him and had kiss him on the lips...ok, I did feel something...but again...I wasn't sure was I imagining myself kissing my ex or it was just the joy of kissing someone ?? Duh !!! I am so confused...
Oh...yesterday, on the way to fetch his bro's fren, when it was still just me n my ex in the car, we were talking abt my relationship with my bf...i told him that my bf was being unreasonable when I told him I dun wanna use the toothbrush his sis used (only once) coz it's not good. My bf then said, oh...then how abt my 'there', since it's been used before, then u also 'hiam' is it ? I told my ex, actually I got 'hiam' lo. Then my ex asked me whether we have went into that stage in our relationship. I told him no. I could see he was eager to find out but I do not know for what reasons ? Is he considering me again ? I hope so !!
He went on saying, since I am in doubts, better not to go deeper as my bf will be very hurt. I just kept quiet...then we reached BJC...Kwan (his bro's fren stepped in. And the rest of the stories, I've written earlier.
5.30pm liao...ok, better stop la...need to rest and my bf should be back around 6.30pm from his badminton. Ok, shall update more next time....next time...hmm....will I be single...or still in this mess....or back with my ex ? Only God knows...I will seek His help ! God is always merciful and loving ! AMEN !
Jan 10 - Surprise, he misses me ?
He SMSed
10-01-05 12:27:39am
Er..Last night, the drink, wil not count
u in :-)
I called
10-01-05 12:35:52am
I called back, asked him to include me for the bill, pai seh la, if not next time pai seh to join.
He said, this is girl's advantage, free drinks. Chat for a while, he interrupted, asked if I wanna go out,
he wanna fill in fuel for his car, maybe join his bro's frens at Pelita Nasi Kandar. I politely rejected (see, I do reject him, ok ?) coz it's late, I was already in bed and not enough sleep. We talked for 16mins and 41 seconds before saying goodnite.
I SMSed
10-01-05 01:43am
Hmm, i sleep late
again. Try to sleep
now. U also, dun b
too late, take care
of yr health too,
esp u hv so much
second hand
smoke. Nite.
He SMSed
10-01-05 01:47:18am
Ok. Goodnite 2 u
too..
This morning, around 10am, I called him from office to ask if I went out with him on Fri nite coz I cannot remember, I need to fill in my expenses worksheet...then before he managed to answer, I remembered we did not coz later 10.30pm, we went to fetch Eric and then met my ex at Khaleel - USM (he was having dinner with frens) there to go to Jean's house at Paya Terubong. We were at Jean's dad's funeral (Christian style) till almost 2am...then my bf and I went to Kayu for burger before he sent me home.
10-01-05 12:27:39am
Er..Last night, the drink, wil not count
u in :-)
I called
10-01-05 12:35:52am
I called back, asked him to include me for the bill, pai seh la, if not next time pai seh to join.
He said, this is girl's advantage, free drinks. Chat for a while, he interrupted, asked if I wanna go out,
he wanna fill in fuel for his car, maybe join his bro's frens at Pelita Nasi Kandar. I politely rejected (see, I do reject him, ok ?) coz it's late, I was already in bed and not enough sleep. We talked for 16mins and 41 seconds before saying goodnite.
I SMSed
10-01-05 01:43am
Hmm, i sleep late
again. Try to sleep
now. U also, dun b
too late, take care
of yr health too,
esp u hv so much
second hand
smoke. Nite.
He SMSed
10-01-05 01:47:18am
Ok. Goodnite 2 u
too..
This morning, around 10am, I called him from office to ask if I went out with him on Fri nite coz I cannot remember, I need to fill in my expenses worksheet...then before he managed to answer, I remembered we did not coz later 10.30pm, we went to fetch Eric and then met my ex at Khaleel - USM (he was having dinner with frens) there to go to Jean's house at Paya Terubong. We were at Jean's dad's funeral (Christian style) till almost 2am...then my bf and I went to Kayu for burger before he sent me home.
Jan 9 - What more can I ask ! :)
We went to Ali to have supper till about 4am. Then my ex asked Kevin to drive as he's doesn't feel that good, he had apprx. 10 glasses...was afraid if there's police check. Well there was but we were not stopped. Anyway, Kevin looked steady enough.
I was screaming "Yes!!" inside my heart when my ex sat beside me at the back. His legs was next to mine...not sure if he purposely sit like that or he was just being comfortable as always...and my arms were next to his also! I was wishing that the moment will last longer !! Things/Situations I thought lost...come back again !! Are these prayers answered ? I dunno, I thank and praise the Lord. I am contented. :))
Reached home 5am, I decided not to call my bf, SMSed him that I've reached. Took my shower, put on Yoko-yoko coz my knees already aching, in fact still feel it now...hehehe...long time didn't dance liao ma. I think I sleep smiling.
I was screaming "Yes!!" inside my heart when my ex sat beside me at the back. His legs was next to mine...not sure if he purposely sit like that or he was just being comfortable as always...and my arms were next to his also! I was wishing that the moment will last longer !! Things/Situations I thought lost...come back again !! Are these prayers answered ? I dunno, I thank and praise the Lord. I am contented. :))
Reached home 5am, I decided not to call my bf, SMSed him that I've reached. Took my shower, put on Yoko-yoko coz my knees already aching, in fact still feel it now...hehehe...long time didn't dance liao ma. I think I sleep smiling.
Jan 8 - Dancing thru the Nite
It was still early when we reached there at 11.10pm. Not many ppl yet. The guys opened a bottle of Chivas. We got a table in front of the dance stage, corner, anyone who goes up the stage or to washroom, will surely pass our place. It's a goodview I will say. 11.30pm, Melissa n I started some warm ups...but the guys remained seated.
An hour later, pub started to fill...guys, girls...mostly in pairs, slim or fat...short or tall, ah beng or ah kow, u named it...what a variety. My ex said, opposite us, one fat girl in pink top and skirt kept looking at him, hahaha !!
I was practically dancing the whole nite, taking short breaks in between. Music not my type, but just wanna be in the mood. Another group, his bro's frens came in around 12.30am, the guys started on their feet and moving shoulders n hips now. They went on stage, asking us the join...nah...I told my ex, wait till my song comes.
I did went up, just for fun, haha...it's a good release...haven't been so 'free' for so many years...ever since I started dating my ex. He was the one who dislike going to such places, but now ? Haha...some more said I am not outgoing ! Duh !!
Kevin asked me if he should go up to a girl, orange low cut top, she looks kinda sexy. I said, why not, but he wasn't confident. Luckily he didn't go, turned out that the girl is les. At one time, I was just sipping my drink, enjoying the music...that girl came over from the stage inviting Melissa and Me to join her up there. Melissa was shy, I friendly rejected her, pointing to Kevin instead but she ignore him and kept asking Melissa and Me again. So, I give face, went up, pulling along Melissa. We were on our feet and moving along to the hot tune, but that girl has her own weird style of dance, likes to use her hands like the Egytian style...she made us follow her style. Had a short sexy dirty dancing move with her...touched her back, smooth !! No wonder Kevin drools !! But too bad...lesbian.
3am, crowd started leaving, saw that girl went to ladies, I went in few mins later as I wanted to see how she looks in brighter lighting. Just as I entered the ladies, saw her making some sexy moves in front of the full length mirror. She was startled a bit and smile when she saw me looking at her. I smiled back. She left after that. When I went out, I saw our table empty, they must've gone out leaving me...duh !! Then, saw my ex coming back for me.
An hour later, pub started to fill...guys, girls...mostly in pairs, slim or fat...short or tall, ah beng or ah kow, u named it...what a variety. My ex said, opposite us, one fat girl in pink top and skirt kept looking at him, hahaha !!
I was practically dancing the whole nite, taking short breaks in between. Music not my type, but just wanna be in the mood. Another group, his bro's frens came in around 12.30am, the guys started on their feet and moving shoulders n hips now. They went on stage, asking us the join...nah...I told my ex, wait till my song comes.
I did went up, just for fun, haha...it's a good release...haven't been so 'free' for so many years...ever since I started dating my ex. He was the one who dislike going to such places, but now ? Haha...some more said I am not outgoing ! Duh !!
Kevin asked me if he should go up to a girl, orange low cut top, she looks kinda sexy. I said, why not, but he wasn't confident. Luckily he didn't go, turned out that the girl is les. At one time, I was just sipping my drink, enjoying the music...that girl came over from the stage inviting Melissa and Me to join her up there. Melissa was shy, I friendly rejected her, pointing to Kevin instead but she ignore him and kept asking Melissa and Me again. So, I give face, went up, pulling along Melissa. We were on our feet and moving along to the hot tune, but that girl has her own weird style of dance, likes to use her hands like the Egytian style...she made us follow her style. Had a short sexy dirty dancing move with her...touched her back, smooth !! No wonder Kevin drools !! But too bad...lesbian.
3am, crowd started leaving, saw that girl went to ladies, I went in few mins later as I wanted to see how she looks in brighter lighting. Just as I entered the ladies, saw her making some sexy moves in front of the full length mirror. She was startled a bit and smile when she saw me looking at her. I smiled back. She left after that. When I went out, I saw our table empty, they must've gone out leaving me...duh !! Then, saw my ex coming back for me.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Jan 8 - The Anxious Wait
I was anxious about going to pub on Sat nite. I had been hoping since last week...there might be a good chance of me joining my ex since he said he might be going. I asked Gavin and Chris if they are going, but they are not sure. Well, I practically search through my whole cupboard for a suitable pair of top to go with my black pants, none seems fit. What can I say, I've put on weight since I worked in Dell and also during my courtship with my ex. His mom cooks lots of dishes which are my favourites. Oh...I lost 4 kgs when I went into depression after my break with my ex. Unfortunately, I gained back 3kg now.
So, yesterday, Sat noon, my bf called when I was still in dreamland, he said he was on his way...hmmm...he likes to do that, coming unexpectedly. After lunch at Genting coffee shop, we went to Prangin Mall in town for shopping as I told him I wanna buy clothes. Of coz I did not say it's to shop for a top for my pubbing at night. Earlier, I told him I will be going join'g my schoolmates at Glo. He asked who...gee...I did not know which names to say, so I said I tell also no use coz he dunno them...but he said, u tell now, then I ma know later....in the end, I said Peck Lin, and that she will fetch me...ok ok...I know I am lying again...but what else can I do ? I do not want him to follow....anyway, it was my ex who gave me this idea :P
I realised I suddenly was searching thru clothes which I never lay eyes on...those colourful or black sexy top, spagetthi straps, ribbons or frill here and there, bare back tops...boy, it was hard to find, mostly transparent...finally, I found one spagetthi strap with V cutting at the chest, just nice, not to low...and it was only RM 29.90 ! Good deal I thought, then I bought a pair of heels, for work. I also got myself 3 pairs of earrings...3 pairs for only RM 12.90. I am a budget shopper when it's necessary, nowaday cannot spend on too luxury stuff, have to think thrice ! Lower pay, no OT, wanna buy car and bf not doing well financially....so I guess I have to control lo.
I called my ex when I went to the ladies (my bf was waiting outside) !! I asked if he's confirm going to Glo with his friends...he said not sure, maybe going after his PC games in town. So I thought, I cannot get him to fetch me...which means I might not be going unless I ask Chris if he wanna go....Gavin also not going....sigh !!
After dinner with my bf at Supertanker hawker, I asked him to send me home directly, he was curious why so early, I told him my friends not confirm what time, I dun wanna rush when they call me. Reluctantly, he sent me home by 8.30pm. I SMSed my ex, ask'g if he's really going...if not next time lo. Then, I took my shower...was shampooing my hair when he called me. He said he's not sure yet as waiting for his bro's friends (he met them at Glo last week on NY eve but his bro doesn't join them for pubbing). Then he suggested it's not a good idea for me to join them if my friends not going...coz he already announced he is single and that his bro's frens knew I was his ex, somemore there'll be some Dell colleagues, so he said it's awkward for him to be seen with me. I was upset and disappointed, so I was quiet for a while and then said " Ok la...nothing liao, I wanna continue my shower ". Actually I was shivering but I wanna hear his voice ma. After shower, I thought for a while...I must not let him feeling angry at me...it will only make him to find other girls or enjoy himself more...so, I called him back, told him I was in the shower just now, and it's ok, I will join in next time lo, ask him to enjoy himself. I think he was surprise that I wasn't angry after all.
Well, what else to do after such a disappointment? Of coz try my top and earrings and heels which I just bought. I was admiring myself in the mirror when my hp rang at 9.13pm, my ex called me...
"Hey, that foodcourt near yr house, close on which day?"
I said I have no idea, but today Sat should have la. I asked why, he said he forgot he hasn't taken dinner, so wanna go there to eat since it's near....I asked who is joining him there....he then asked if I wanna join him, a short while only coz after that he'll go to town for his cybercafe games.
I quickly changed...wore a black low cut singlet with my expensive Wacoal bra ( I already had it on while trying just now). By 9.23pm, I was in his car, he had to wait for awhile as he was early. I did not eat as I had fried maggi tomyam and belachan fried chicken with my bf earlier. 'Tah Pao' Aki's pancake for dad. We talked abit...he receive n make some calls in between...I was trying hard to keep a straight face when I overhead they are going to pub later...10.30pm. He then called Kevin, his colleague (from KL, the one who looks like Yoke Shen). He asked if Melissa wanna follow (Melissa actually likes Kevin but Kevin only having a fling with her as his gf is in Taiwan). After hanging up, my ex said " Nah...dun say I dun think of you...if Melissa goes, then it's ok for u to join, at least u wun be the only girl". But, still, the word "IF".
My ex again borrowed my room to change, while I was in the toilet. He felt pai seh when I took off my jeans in front of him. He then went downstairs for me to change...I told my dad I will be late, he didn't even ask where I am going or what time coming back...I think he must be shaking his head inside, hehehe. Either that, he trusts my ex, I guess.
Within 5 mins, I had on the new top I bought, one of the earrings set, light make-up, orange n purple eyeshadow, foundation powder...perfume of coz !
Off we went, first to fetch his bro's fren at BJC, next Kevin & Melissa at N Park...GLO, here we come !
So, yesterday, Sat noon, my bf called when I was still in dreamland, he said he was on his way...hmmm...he likes to do that, coming unexpectedly. After lunch at Genting coffee shop, we went to Prangin Mall in town for shopping as I told him I wanna buy clothes. Of coz I did not say it's to shop for a top for my pubbing at night. Earlier, I told him I will be going join'g my schoolmates at Glo. He asked who...gee...I did not know which names to say, so I said I tell also no use coz he dunno them...but he said, u tell now, then I ma know later....in the end, I said Peck Lin, and that she will fetch me...ok ok...I know I am lying again...but what else can I do ? I do not want him to follow....anyway, it was my ex who gave me this idea :P
I realised I suddenly was searching thru clothes which I never lay eyes on...those colourful or black sexy top, spagetthi straps, ribbons or frill here and there, bare back tops...boy, it was hard to find, mostly transparent...finally, I found one spagetthi strap with V cutting at the chest, just nice, not to low...and it was only RM 29.90 ! Good deal I thought, then I bought a pair of heels, for work. I also got myself 3 pairs of earrings...3 pairs for only RM 12.90. I am a budget shopper when it's necessary, nowaday cannot spend on too luxury stuff, have to think thrice ! Lower pay, no OT, wanna buy car and bf not doing well financially....so I guess I have to control lo.
I called my ex when I went to the ladies (my bf was waiting outside) !! I asked if he's confirm going to Glo with his friends...he said not sure, maybe going after his PC games in town. So I thought, I cannot get him to fetch me...which means I might not be going unless I ask Chris if he wanna go....Gavin also not going....sigh !!
After dinner with my bf at Supertanker hawker, I asked him to send me home directly, he was curious why so early, I told him my friends not confirm what time, I dun wanna rush when they call me. Reluctantly, he sent me home by 8.30pm. I SMSed my ex, ask'g if he's really going...if not next time lo. Then, I took my shower...was shampooing my hair when he called me. He said he's not sure yet as waiting for his bro's friends (he met them at Glo last week on NY eve but his bro doesn't join them for pubbing). Then he suggested it's not a good idea for me to join them if my friends not going...coz he already announced he is single and that his bro's frens knew I was his ex, somemore there'll be some Dell colleagues, so he said it's awkward for him to be seen with me. I was upset and disappointed, so I was quiet for a while and then said " Ok la...nothing liao, I wanna continue my shower ". Actually I was shivering but I wanna hear his voice ma. After shower, I thought for a while...I must not let him feeling angry at me...it will only make him to find other girls or enjoy himself more...so, I called him back, told him I was in the shower just now, and it's ok, I will join in next time lo, ask him to enjoy himself. I think he was surprise that I wasn't angry after all.
Well, what else to do after such a disappointment? Of coz try my top and earrings and heels which I just bought. I was admiring myself in the mirror when my hp rang at 9.13pm, my ex called me...
"Hey, that foodcourt near yr house, close on which day?"
I said I have no idea, but today Sat should have la. I asked why, he said he forgot he hasn't taken dinner, so wanna go there to eat since it's near....I asked who is joining him there....he then asked if I wanna join him, a short while only coz after that he'll go to town for his cybercafe games.
I quickly changed...wore a black low cut singlet with my expensive Wacoal bra ( I already had it on while trying just now). By 9.23pm, I was in his car, he had to wait for awhile as he was early. I did not eat as I had fried maggi tomyam and belachan fried chicken with my bf earlier. 'Tah Pao' Aki's pancake for dad. We talked abit...he receive n make some calls in between...I was trying hard to keep a straight face when I overhead they are going to pub later...10.30pm. He then called Kevin, his colleague (from KL, the one who looks like Yoke Shen). He asked if Melissa wanna follow (Melissa actually likes Kevin but Kevin only having a fling with her as his gf is in Taiwan). After hanging up, my ex said " Nah...dun say I dun think of you...if Melissa goes, then it's ok for u to join, at least u wun be the only girl". But, still, the word "IF".
My ex again borrowed my room to change, while I was in the toilet. He felt pai seh when I took off my jeans in front of him. He then went downstairs for me to change...I told my dad I will be late, he didn't even ask where I am going or what time coming back...I think he must be shaking his head inside, hehehe. Either that, he trusts my ex, I guess.
Within 5 mins, I had on the new top I bought, one of the earrings set, light make-up, orange n purple eyeshadow, foundation powder...perfume of coz !
Off we went, first to fetch his bro's fren at BJC, next Kevin & Melissa at N Park...GLO, here we come !
Saturday, January 08, 2005
2005 - Getting closer to my Ex
He called
01-01-05 11:43:48am Sat
He called me to chat while waiting to fetch Rudy (his ex-boss) to airport. Rudy has resigned and going to Jakarta with family to do business. I was surprised he called me. Maybe b’coz I called him at around 2.30am to wish him Happy New Year and ‘check’ where he was. He was at Glo, a new disco pub near Garage. He told me Gavin also there, dancing…my ex danced on the counter. He sound so excited when he told me. Hmm…now only starts to enjoy…actually in my heart, I feel abit sour…I was afraid to hear that he found any target. We chatted for awhile, then he said Rudy in the car liao, so talk next time.
I called
03-01-05 09:23:00pm Mon
I called to chit chat, to tell him what happened btwn me and my bf. Again, he asked me to come out to talk/drink. We went to the hawkers near the Aquarium shop nearby. He had the Economy Char Bee Hoon. I did not eat as still full, earlier had rice and 2 dishes with my bf liao. He asked if I told my bf I went out with him. I said no. My bf already told me he prefers not to know. He said he has stopped checking my phone, so had I. Anyway, had a good time talking with my ex.
I called
04-01-05 9:33:32pm Tues
I asked if he wanna have dinner. He was actually leaving work for home. He said he will check if his mom cooked, will call me later…not sure.
He called
04-01-05 10:04:51pm Tues
He called back, said coming over. We went to Taman Pekaka, coffee shop. I had Malay burger while he had dry koay teow. We chatted till around almost 12am.
I called
05-01-05 10:55:19pm Wed
I thought of chatting with him but it went straight to his voice message. Wanted to update him on what happened to Jennifer’s team (taken over by Christina Ong – yep, the girl who back-stabbed me, I almost did not get transferred to CA dept). So I sent him SMS instead. I told him I just got back from Chill Up (had dinner with Jen, Clarissa, Yen Nee and Gavin. Chris joined in for drinks later. We had great time talking for 4 hours !) and they have 2 ppl singing, a girl and a guy, nice voices. Chris said the guy looks handsome (‘one-side’ – according to his PLU term), but he cannot determine if the guy is straight or PLU.
I called
05-01-05 11:29:30pm Wed
I tried calling my ex again but still cannot get thru, my guess was either he’s on the line ‘cooking porridge’ or off his phone, maybe in cinema (with who leh?!!)
Called my bf then, he was watching his Dragon Ball cartoon which he d/loaded from net. He had been bz watching this 100 over series…made me bored, so that was why I told him to send me home after dinner. He wasn’t happy…and then today again I ‘pit’ him coz have dinner with my ex-colleagues. He sudah merajuk…dun wanna eat dinner earlier, then ate after I asked if he purposely acted that way. I told him I was hungry, wanted to go downstairs to hunt for food. He offered to fetch me out for supper but I said no need since he said he wasn’t hungry.
So, I had buns, was reading the newspaper when I received his SMS – “I’m having supper now, later go home n sleep…u too, sleep early”. Hmm…makes me wonder if he was out with Shirin, but I dun wanna care too much, anyway I myself secretly went out with my ex a number of times (just purely chatting and dinner/drinks), almost every week. I replied to my bf asking him to call me before sleep. Well, he seems ok but can sense he was not happy. Sigh !! I feel he’s either possessive or very much insecure abt this relationship, but I cannot blame him. Duh ! I feel so bad.
He SMSed me:
06-01-05 02:04:29am Thurs
Wah…U go out until now ah..
Tomorrow no need
To work meh. Me
Going to sleep now.
Good9
I was already sleeping actually…am a very light sleeper, woke up to the slightest sound, even the sound of pin drops will wake me. I was surprised he replied me, but so late ? 2am only he replied…hmm…wondered where he went. I replied back “No ah, came back early. U go yet (typo error, shd be wet) ah ? Of is (typo error again, shd be yr) phone is it ? Update u next time la.”
Just now (06-01-05 11pm), he showed me back this SMS and asked what I typed. Hahaha…told him I was too sleepy…did not check the error. This morning I wrote email asking him where he went, his phone cannot thru. He said he did not off hp or chatting too long…but had problem send’g SMS to 012’s line. So, we concluded that Maxis line was down / delayed. Duh ~!!
I SMSed him :
06-01-05 09:40pm Wed
Did u Donate (Tsunami) thru Maxis? I tried, it sent back confirmation, so it’s not fake. The funeral (Jean Khoo’s dad passed away last nite, victim of hit & run bus driver) on Sat, so r u going tomorrow nite ? Let us know la.
He called
06-01-05 9:48:45pm Wed
He asked, what donation…asked if he received SMS from Maxis regarding donation thru SMS, he said no, but had donated quite a lot, thru Dell and Ah Chai’s temple. He asked if my bf has badminton tonite as he cannot remember. We talked awhile, then he said he will call me later as he was playing badminton.
He called
06-01-05 10:27:08pm Wed
Asked me out for dinner as he just finished playing badminton. He was at my house waiting 5 mins later. I changed into T-shirt and 3 quarter pants quickly. We went to the food court near my house again. I had Chee Cheong Fun while he had Char Hor Fun. Told him abt what happened to Jennifer’s department ( my ex boss – Warranty Billable Service ) – close shop. Also told him that my bf scolded Shirin for not taking Jean’s dad’s news seriously, she called to ask, joking or serious, dun lie la…she thought it was a joke ! Goodness, where got ppl joke abt death ! Somemore on a friend’s dad. Memang padan muka !
My ex asked if it’s ok for him to borrow my bathroom as his bathroom’s tiles still wet, his house on renovation. He asked me to inform my dad before going to my house. So, he was there, perhaps one last time…but it’s a one time, which I never thought could happen J
I was happy inside although not expecting anything to happen. He even advise me to sleep earlier when he knows I usually waits till my bf calls me after his badminton, which is around 12.30 to 1.30am. He suggested for me to take health food, bird nest, whatsoever for beauty and health as I am not young anymore and need to sleep more. Am happy that he still care for me. He was actually making ‘business’ in the toilet when he talked…he advised me to seriously consider abt my future coz as a woman; I need to have a secure and stable financial situation…at least not to lend too much money to my bf. I appreciate his concern and advise…but I told him I cannot leave my bf now as he will be starting his new job soon in Feb and I do not want him to be affected. Moreover I am not sure if the decision to leave my bf is what I really wanted. I do love him but my love for him is based on his love for me…is not strong enough. I enjoyed him pampering me, his patience and care…he can really tolerate me…not like my ex. But yet I still long to be back in my ex’s arms…IF Only…my ex knows how much I love him, how much I am willing to sacrifice for him. U must be thinking I am silly, not appreciating my bf…well…I dunno, I just love my ex too much…I’ve never love someone so much. I am sorry (my bf), really…I dun mean to hurt U !!
Thursday, January 06, 2005
On Christmas Day
The next morning, i woke up around 10am, looked at the clock, my bf hasn't called me...then I went back to sleep, work up again 11am, then 12.30pm, I couldn't sleep anymore...it's not like him, usually he will wake me for breakfast on Saturday. So, I called him. He sounded cool...he was reluctant to talk, asked what he was doing, he replied he was taking a nap. He had his breakfast earlier, so I said ok, I let him sleep.
Later, 2.30pm, I was hungry, unsure to eat or to wait for him...so I called him again, he was outside as I could hear from the background noise...he said he was at coffee shop...and he will call me later. Ok !! So, I guess he's trying to get even. I was contemplating whether to cook instant noodles or continue waiting. Stomach already growling since last nite as I did not eat during supper. Then, I saw one miserable packet of Mamee snack, yup, one which I saved for 'rainy' days like this !! Ok, so I opened it, munching into the dry salty noodles...i was in my 3rd munch when my hp rang...it was him, my bf. He asked if I wanted to have lunch ...(lunch ?? !! 3pm u know !! )
I said it's ok since he already had lunch with his 'friend' (he mentioned he was with a guy friend). Then he said, if u dun wanna eat with me, then fine. I asked whether he's on the way, he finally said he was in front of my house. I turned my head, there he was, waiting at the side quietly...duh !!
I changed quickly, we went to have late lunch at Sunway Tunas. We were quiet most of the time. Could see he was upset and mad. Later went to his place. He took a nap, didn't really wanna 'choi' me at first. I checked his hp (he checked mine also ma) - his sms, no record of him calling Shirin, ok...then I checked his call log, hmm...weird, no received or dialled history of his friend...if none, then how he or his friend made the appointment earlier ?? And there's no record showing he contacted Shirin...ok...so...which means...he did contacted her !! And he was afraid I see, so he deleted !! How smart of him...BUT he could not outsmart me, ahem !!
I confronted him when he woke up from his nap, he admitted but puzzled how I knew, of course I did not tell. So, he assumed that I simply shot (tembak). That night, we argued. He was sad, I was sad too (cos I made him upset). He said he was just trying to get me my X'mas present from Mei Leng on X'mas eve, and what he got in return was me going out with my ex. But I told him, I was unhappy as well coz initially he did not plan to buy me the gift until after he agreed to fetch her from airport. He was very upset, I could not bear to see his sad eyes...so I ended up consoling him, even though a part of me wanted to take this chance to create a distance in our relationship. Well...back to square one lo....hmm....
Later, 2.30pm, I was hungry, unsure to eat or to wait for him...so I called him again, he was outside as I could hear from the background noise...he said he was at coffee shop...and he will call me later. Ok !! So, I guess he's trying to get even. I was contemplating whether to cook instant noodles or continue waiting. Stomach already growling since last nite as I did not eat during supper. Then, I saw one miserable packet of Mamee snack, yup, one which I saved for 'rainy' days like this !! Ok, so I opened it, munching into the dry salty noodles...i was in my 3rd munch when my hp rang...it was him, my bf. He asked if I wanted to have lunch ...(lunch ?? !! 3pm u know !! )
I said it's ok since he already had lunch with his 'friend' (he mentioned he was with a guy friend). Then he said, if u dun wanna eat with me, then fine. I asked whether he's on the way, he finally said he was in front of my house. I turned my head, there he was, waiting at the side quietly...duh !!
I changed quickly, we went to have late lunch at Sunway Tunas. We were quiet most of the time. Could see he was upset and mad. Later went to his place. He took a nap, didn't really wanna 'choi' me at first. I checked his hp (he checked mine also ma) - his sms, no record of him calling Shirin, ok...then I checked his call log, hmm...weird, no received or dialled history of his friend...if none, then how he or his friend made the appointment earlier ?? And there's no record showing he contacted Shirin...ok...so...which means...he did contacted her !! And he was afraid I see, so he deleted !! How smart of him...BUT he could not outsmart me, ahem !!
I confronted him when he woke up from his nap, he admitted but puzzled how I knew, of course I did not tell. So, he assumed that I simply shot (tembak). That night, we argued. He was sad, I was sad too (cos I made him upset). He said he was just trying to get me my X'mas present from Mei Leng on X'mas eve, and what he got in return was me going out with my ex. But I told him, I was unhappy as well coz initially he did not plan to buy me the gift until after he agreed to fetch her from airport. He was very upset, I could not bear to see his sad eyes...so I ended up consoling him, even though a part of me wanted to take this chance to create a distance in our relationship. Well...back to square one lo....hmm....
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Mood after New Year
3rd Jan - While many other MNCs staff are enjoying their beauty sleep or breakfast, I am here, in office. Yep, my company does not recognise 1st Jan as public holiday. So, here I am, nothing to do, waiting for my mentor's (YW) instruction and also another manager (Tony). I am supposed to be handling 50% from YW and another 50% from Tony. That was what my boss told me.
However, last Friday, just minutes before the clock rang its music to indicate off time (every hour, the clock 'sings'), my big boss - 'SASA' (short for Secret Admirer - not mine but Mich's, I dun use SA as it will be too obvious, so doubled it, become SASA), came over to my cube to talk to me. He said he usually likes to go over staff's cube to check on us. Asked me how are things, he mentioned that I will be doing 80% of Tony's, 20% for YW (back-up only). He told Tony I am the kind of person who loves challenges, he pushed Tony to give me jobs. Hmm...I have a feeling he is using psychology here, perhaps he saw me too free....MSN or surfing. Well, what else can I do ? I have nothing to do, I am now into my 3rd month here! And reading those manuals are really boring n confusing as they are alot of jargons. I need work !!
And then...last Thurs, b4 YW went on leave, she was giving me instruction to follow up on a task, so i asked her some questions...she then asked me "Josephine, how long have u been here ? U seem still dunno alot hor ? U must go here and there to help others do, last time this girl...she went to help her friends, she learned very fast..."
Walau eh...say so la earlier...can go kepo, but but but...the thing is, who wanna let me sit beside them and ask some stupid questions....duh !! How demotivating ~~~~!! I can't wait till I get my own car, then I can probably search for better job n perhaps part time teaching. Have this urge to help my aunt with her handicraft, help her conduct classes...but first, my car ~~~!! Dad has been help'g me searching for info, prices...I am targetting to buy by Feb/March. I am gonna be so broke ! Maybe should go buy one or two lottery tickets and hope for the probability of 0.01% ? Hmmm....
However, last Friday, just minutes before the clock rang its music to indicate off time (every hour, the clock 'sings'), my big boss - 'SASA' (short for Secret Admirer - not mine but Mich's, I dun use SA as it will be too obvious, so doubled it, become SASA), came over to my cube to talk to me. He said he usually likes to go over staff's cube to check on us. Asked me how are things, he mentioned that I will be doing 80% of Tony's, 20% for YW (back-up only). He told Tony I am the kind of person who loves challenges, he pushed Tony to give me jobs. Hmm...I have a feeling he is using psychology here, perhaps he saw me too free....MSN or surfing. Well, what else can I do ? I have nothing to do, I am now into my 3rd month here! And reading those manuals are really boring n confusing as they are alot of jargons. I need work !!
And then...last Thurs, b4 YW went on leave, she was giving me instruction to follow up on a task, so i asked her some questions...she then asked me "Josephine, how long have u been here ? U seem still dunno alot hor ? U must go here and there to help others do, last time this girl...she went to help her friends, she learned very fast..."
Walau eh...say so la earlier...can go kepo, but but but...the thing is, who wanna let me sit beside them and ask some stupid questions....duh !! How demotivating ~~~~!! I can't wait till I get my own car, then I can probably search for better job n perhaps part time teaching. Have this urge to help my aunt with her handicraft, help her conduct classes...but first, my car ~~~!! Dad has been help'g me searching for info, prices...I am targetting to buy by Feb/March. I am gonna be so broke ! Maybe should go buy one or two lottery tickets and hope for the probability of 0.01% ? Hmmm....
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